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User Topic: I'm so embarrassed-D W I
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Sad)))))
This sucks. I'm sorry.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5835 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the kind words; I'll survive-that's the best outcome.

I go to court on Wednesday night; I'll let you know what happens. It's going to be costly, punitive (deserved) and devastating to my psyche. I'm dealing with other challenges and very stressed but I truly appreciate you all.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20229 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know you asked for advice not hugs but sending you a huge ((((HUG)))) anyway.

You will probably lose your licence for a while so start looking into alternative ways of getting to where you need to be. Are there friends that can help or public transport close by etc.

You blew a low level alcohol so my guess is the penalty will be whatever the minimum for your area is but your brother will probably know everything you need to know about the legalities.

We are just here to hold you up and let you know you're not alone.


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1579 | Registered: Jul 2009
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just saw this. I'm sorry you are going through all of this and glad that nobody is hurt. I hope it doesn't interfere with your ability to get to work. I also do not see this as indication of you having a problem. You had an extra drink and left a little early. IDK if you felt buzzed or not but you could have gotten a blowout regardless of if you had a drink.

--------------------- Edited to remove potential political comments. Let's just say I do not agree with the reduction from 0.1 to 0.08% BAC

I hope you can find a good L and get through this without having to deal with too much.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3424 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've spoken to the attorney; they wrote the book on DWI in New York. I know the best case/worst case scenarios, so now I just have to wait to see what happens. Very hard for a control freak...


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20229 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best of luck.

I'll second the going to AA pre-emptively. Get a little notebook, and have the moderator sign and date it every meeting. You should go every day, or at least 3 times a week.

My fiance got a DUI in PA 5 yrs ago. My father, who is a retired police officer, said the first thing you do is get to AA-get it validated that you were there, and begin a log to show a judge/prosecutor because it shows them you are likely to not do it again.

It was a first offense for my fiance, and his lawyer got him into ARD (accelerated rehab and I can't remember the "D"), where he had to go to traffic school, he lost his license for 6 mos, and he was on probation for 1 yr. And he had the hefty fines.

While on probation he was NOT ALLOWED to drink AT ALL. His PO who he saw weekly, could have showed up at his house any day, any time and piss tested him to make sure he was not drinking.

He was terrified, and embarrassed when he was arrested. He didn't have to spend the night in jail, thank God, and after all was said and done, he complied with the ARD program---his arrest and charge were expunged from his record.

Do whatever your lawyer says. You have to not worry about the money----I think they'll set up a payment plan. They rarely expect anyone to cough up the entire fine amount at once.

(((((((SAZ))))))))


Posts: 3398 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NY does not have an expungement program, so AA is useless for court purposes. Either to plead guilty, plead to a lesser charge or go to court to try to win.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20229 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The AA might not help to expunge the charge but it looks good in the eyes of the court that you are being proactive and could reduce the sentence. That is what DS21's lawyer keeps telling us. The more he does up front to show that he is working to be proactive looks better and helps in the long run.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3424 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AA also can't hurt you either. My women's group is amazing. Lots of DWI people in the group. Very supportive.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you strength for court tonight, SAZ.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25530 | Registered: Aug 2011
TrulyReconciled
♂ Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck!!


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21175 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Prayers for strength coming your way!


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21058 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
TrulyReconciled
♂ Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How did it go?


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21175 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The DA didn't show up. I have to go back in two weeks.

Since I've been drawn into another members drama, I won't be posting any more updates, but thank you for caring.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20229 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry that you have to wait for another 2 weeks.

And doubly sorry that you don't feel that you can post here about this at this time. I would encourage you to keep posting to get the support you need.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52327 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Moo...keep posting if you want to


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197971 | Registered: May 2002
unbreak_my_heart
♀ Member
Member # 12145
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two totally different dramas. You owned up to your mistake, felt shame and did not expect people to tell you, you did nothing wrong! Please keep us updated.


HAPPILY RECONCILED!

I ♥ my Husband!!!


Posts: 2285 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Our happy place
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You get our support regardless of any other post/member/situation. There's no relevance to your situation and anyone else's, and I have faith that the general membership gets this.

Sending you good thoughts for an uphill climb out of this. You are good hearted. You are smart. You are brave. You are going to get through this ok. This is the hardest part right now, and I'm sorry that you are having to struggle through it.

(((Sazzy)))


The best way to cheer yourself up is to try and cheer someone else up. - Mark Twain

Posts: 17570 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sazzy, it is my hope that a little pot stirring isn't going to send you away.

Pffft to that. Seriously.

We're here for you, no matter the issue.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21058 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yah, this ^^^^

Sorry you have to wait another two weeks. Arg.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17413 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 68
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