"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Me: fBH 46
Her: exWW 42
DDay: Nov 1, 2012
Divorced: September 17, 2013
Is there a counselor at DD15's school who she can talk to for support?
Also on the ED...my parents had a pretty good marriage and I still became anorexic at 18 and then struggling with binge eating for two years after. So don't blame your family situation alone for this, there might have been other stressors that still could have ended up there even without your WH's cheating. And now it's almost a decade later and I do not struggle (more than anyone else) with food/body issues at all. So while I know you are anxious and rightly so about DD please know it will eventually be water under the bridge for her too.
In the meanwhile you deserve to turn 40 in a happier situation free of this misery.
good luck too you and I hope you find your way to your happiness soon.
Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.
What a gift that last straw has been. Because I no longer love him as a wife loves a husband and I take comfort in the fact that he'll never get close enough to hurt me again.
Our relationship is a social-financial relationship that allows us to coparent effectively. We share a home, separate rooms, yet no real intimacy. We are like friends, in that we share the daily details of our lives, go places and do things together, but always at a safe distance, with no deep emotional or physical intimacy.
Not ideal, but not unpleasant. I'm safe and free to do as I choose. As is he. With this freedom I've noticed he is much more courteous and kind then before. For now there is no sign of affair activities, but the day is likely to come when they are noticeable. I hope it isn't until our youngest is through high school.
The kids could use help too, are there school counselors?
Don't focus on the fact that you've lost 3 years -- that's water under the bridge and you can't do anything about it. What you can do something about is decide how many more years you'll waste. Knowing what you know about him, would you marry him today? If not, why stay? There's a lot of human psychology in this, similar to people who keep hanging on to losing investments rather than selling them and cutting their losses. Except this is the biggest game in town -- your life. Envision what you want your life to look like in 5 years and start taking steps now to get there.
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
I wish that both of us could make the decision we think is best, and be happy with it.. maybe we are somewhat afraid of the unknowns of leaving our WHs...
It really isn't that simple to just leave... there are so many things we have to consider... will I one day regret my decision of leaving my husband...? should I be putting in more effort to just be cordial with him until I finally make the decision to leave...?
we are here for you...
Hugs to you and your daughters.
You know, I did what Phmh suggested. I wrote a list of everything that I was afraid of.
After I ended it with him, some of those things happened. It was OK because at that point, I was able to stop the bleeding, because I was in control of what happened to my life from that point on.
Realistically, you stayed together and your kids are struggling? Is it going to get worse for them if you split? Maybe, but once again.... you can decide what happens if you end this toxic mess that you're currently in.
I hope you find your own trigger. (((SG)))
[This message edited by griefandrelief at 11:32 PM, February 28th (Friday)]
Prepare, detach and start enjoying life without him.