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Newest Member: confusedwife32 (44902)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just need to vent
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not looking for advice just have to vent some of this out before I explode. I am apparently past honeymoon and hysterical bonding because I really really deep down inside hate my WH, he makes me sick, in fact I have been in bed for two days because I am physically ill. The thought of being around him makes me actually vomit.

The problem is that avoiding him and hating him makes me feel very lonely. I have devoted my life to him and my children, now the children are grown and gone and I am stuck with just him. I am lonely, hurt, confused, and so stinking angry. If I can't find one quality in him that I like then what is the stupid point.

Glad I start IC tomorrow, maybe something in my life will start to make sense. Right now if I am going to feel so alone anyway I might as well run away and be alone.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
atpeacemaybe
♀ New Member
Member # 42403
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hugs))) I'm sorry that you're going through this. But I think the fact that you can say you hate him means there are still feelings there. I feel nothing, I'm totally numb. I'm worried that I have been mentally and spiritually broken. I wish I felt something!

You're not alone


Posts: 2 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I am not really sure which one would be better, guess we are just screwed no matter what. Lol.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Indifference is worse than feeling nothing at all. It provides no motivation.

But hey, I hear you. Just take it one day at a time. Feel all the emotions.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 479 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
CallMeRed1
♀ Member
Member # 36870
Default  Posted: 4:29 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Breezy I hope your IC can help you, you are doing the right thing with that.

I was 41 when I had my D-Day too. There is life after this, whichever route you chose.

Thinking of you.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 42
Status: Divorced

Posts: 186 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: England
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Vent away! I had similar feelings and I describe it as the utter disgust phase. Just looking at my STBXWW during that period made me well up with feelings of disgust, disdain, disappointment, and many other negative emotions. Indifference came afterwards. Indifference was more "why are you still here or oh it's just you walking in the house". During indifference I could care less about my stbxww and had no feeling at all for her. I had truly detached to a point where she was just another person that I had to interact with. When I hit indifference I was ready to file because I was motivated to better my personal situation. I couldn't keep moving forward if she was still around and the M was dead and buried by her A and her inability to fix herself.

Breezy150, these are normal feelings that many of us have. You have to work through them as well. You will cycle back and forth for awhile whether you stay or go. But it does get better so hang in there. I wish you the best.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aww Breezy! I really hope you feel better soon! Its normal to feel hate after the initial shock starts to wear off. I found myself snapping at WBF for silly things just because the sound of his voice would make my blood boil! It eventually became less and less though as time went buy, and now I'm past the "extremely pissed off" stage, and now I just feel a deep sadness for what we have lost and what we still face in our road to R.


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're lonely now but you won't be always. You can start out going to meetup groups when you're ready, volunteering, etc--soon you'll have a life that is broader and more social and rewarding than the one you had with your WH.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much, you have no idea how much you helped me this morning. I think last nights freak out was a little bit about starting IC today. I have extreme social anxiety, they said the only thing keeping me from full blown agoraphobia is that I will leave my house with a few select "safe people". Last night I was so mad that it was my main safe person that betrayed me, and so mad that I have to do something so terrifying because of his choice.

This morning after swearing I wouldn't go, I took an anxiety pill and realized this is my new reality and I have to get over the agoraphobia and do things by myself.

Still terrified but I am going to make myself do it. It is the first step to freedom from this fear, with or without WH. It will only be terrifying til it's over, then I will be so proud of myself for doing it on my own.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you Breezy!! This is your life so continue to take the steps you need to face it one day at a time. If you have a setback you just pick yourself up and try again.


Last night I was so mad that it was my main safe person that betrayed me, and so mad that I have to do something so terrifying because of his choice.
In my case my STBXWW was the person I confided in. Talking to her was pretty much my ONLY coping mechanism when things got crazy at work or life in general. After the A, I needed to talk to someone but the person that I was used to talking to was now my BIGGEST trigger. I had no choice but to figure out other coping mechanisms which forced me to turn to IC, and working out. I had to force myself to do new things or remain in my situation and be paralyzed by my own inaction and fear.

While our issues are differnet the action to resolve them is the same. Take whatever steps you feel you need to take to become your own person again. keep moving forward for you one step at a time. It takes time to develop these new habits but you are taking some giant steps in that direction already. I wish you the best in whatever direction you take.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I did go all by myself, unfortunately there was a conflict in the scheduling so I couldn't see her today, but I rescheduled immediately and I am not so scared about next time.

This is the perfect time to take control of my life back, I have been so paralyzed with fear from the anxiety and PTSD (from a murder/attempted murder two years ago) that I have quit living. Now is my time! I know it will be hard to heal, but is have been through just about everything else bad that can happen and survived.

To tell you the truth I think my WH had the A because I was finding my voice again fighting for justice in the murder case. I think he liked me scared and home.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 11

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