I will admit I remained in contact with him much longer than I should have. That was the co-dependent in me, and I worked on that and really felt I turned a corner on that front at about the 2.5 year mark.
He doesn't even live in town anymore since OW kicked him out, but I know he is in town every other weekend and one day a week for his visitation with OC. I have run into him occasionally, but make it a point to avoid places he might go.
I am at the point where I would be perfectly happy if I never had to see or speak to him again, or even hear his name again. I am not sure I will ever be "over" what happened, but as long as it's not in my face or anything, I function perfectly fine.
Well... after quite a while of NC with him, here he is to disrupt my life, again.
He has created ANOTHER new email address to email me. He's blocked from any method of contacting me that I could do, and he's not even really blocked from my email - no way to block on gmail - but he thinks he is, hence the new email address.
The content of the email is not relevant; it was him asking if I could do him a favor because he doesn't have anyone else he could ask and he really needs help.
What the fuck is wrong with this guy that he even thinks it's appropriate to ask me for ANYTHING?!
But here's my real problem: Crickets is not an option with this guy. Ignoring him does nothing but escalate the drama.
I have tried that many time in the past, and all that happens if I don't respond within a day or so is increased contact - he will send multiple emails from other email addresses all day long. He will call or text me from payphones or other people's phones whose numbers I don't have blocked.
When I've ignored his attempts at contact, he has started to do the same crazy harassment with my friends and family. Asking them to tell me to contact him, or ask them to pass along messages to me. That is NOT OK and I cannot have my friends and family dragged into this drama, so I usually end up giving in and talking to him - which is nothing but frustrating, upsetting and more drama.
I have tried to get a restraining order before. I was unsuccessful. He is not deemed to be "dangerous".
I am worn down. I have been in a very good place mentally lately, and now he is back again. I don't want to spend my life worry about when he is going to pop up and try to cause drama.
I'm partially venting.
But I'd also love advice if anyone has experience with dealing with someone who ramps up their crazy behavior and drama when you ignore them or give them crickets.
It was his choice not to R. He got the life he wanted. He wanted to walk away. It's been 4 fucking years. What can I do to make him go away?
[This message edited by Whalers11 at 7:21 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)]
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
no way to block on gmail
This isn't exactly true. Just set up a filter to push his stuff directly to the trash. It will take you about 30 seconds to set up if you've never used filters before, 10 if you're familiar with them.
Let me know if you need help.
No I will not help you. Do not contact me ever again. If you do contact, I will consider it harassment and get the police involved.
[This message edited by Freeme at 6:04 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)]
I actually set up an automatic reply on gmail to fire back an email to him that looks like an "undeliverable" message, which is why he thinks he's blocked and creates new email addresses to email me.
I have been very direct with my DO NOT CONTACT me messages, and he apologizes and crawls back under his rock for a bit. Until the next time.
You were betrayed in a horrible way. My exbf cheated with my sister and brother in law knowing. It was a triple betrayal as it was with my bff. I had to nc all. Till my sister was remorseful and she ended contact with ex. If this is your friends and family allow them to make there own boundaries and stay off the Cray Cray train. Please change your stuff, and take action or take responsibility for allowing contact to continue. My thoughts may be harsh. But they are honest.
[This message edited by PricklePatch at 8:07 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)]
I did this with an ex-boyfriend years ago who would not stop contacting me. I called the police and filed a report after one threatening email that I received. They took a report and called him and told him that if he ever contacted me again, that they would press harassment charges and they would place him under arrest.
I realize every state has different laws, but I'm fairly certain that someone cannot keep contacting you when you have asked them not to. If you contacted the police and they didn't do anything, it's not because they couldn't....it's because they didn't want to bother with what they considered small change. They could do it if they wanted to.
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
I also will speak with a lawyer.
I just really hate that I have to put my personal business out there. I have a professional reputation to maintain.
So sorry he keeps rearing his ugly head. ((((hugs))))