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Newest Member: helpmegetthrough (44949)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: One year and I finally found my bitch boots
ohiocarrie535
♀ Member
Member # 39709
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been a year since I found out my husband had an affair. Ib do tired, discouraged. I have told him over and over what I need from him to help trust him again. Honesty, openess, talking to me, all the things that were missing before, but I didn't know it. He has failed me in every area over and over. In the meantime I have made of many changes in my life to help fix things. Do today he got frustrated with me and texted that maybe we should seperate. I immediately called him and said fine, we are separated and hung up on him. I am so done. Of course he apologized. But I told him, I don't need to be with you, and I did you a huge favor in taking you back. Don't throw out the seperation card, cause I'm ready to take it.

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2013
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So what are you going to do?

What do you want when look at where you are ?


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Kyrie
♀ Member
Member # 41825
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you, ohio. You have to draw those boundary lines deeply into the ground. He's acting like a child throwing out idle threats. If he continues to fail you, then he's continuing to fail himself. It's ridiculous that you've been at this a year - A YEAR - and he can't do better than that. Good for you for making changes in your life. You obviously figured out that the only thing you can change is yourself. You offered him a tremendous gift of grace by taking him back - it's such a shame that he doesn't seem to get that.

I am sorry your WS is lost. My H remained lost for a long time until he got IC. I'm convinced there is no way he could have gotten his sh*t together on his own. He was so messed up and lost.

((((ohiocarrie535))))


Me: BW (47), WH (48)
Married 24 yrs, 2 teenagers
DD#1 01.20.12 When diagnosed w/STD
Told it was 15 mo. PA that ended 6 years ago
DD#2 04.06.14 Truth: PA was 2yrs/8mo
Separated for 6 weeks
Reconciling and healing now

Posts: 192 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: southeast USA
Kyrie
♀ Member
Member # 41825
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's right, Karma. What are you going to do, ohio? What do you want to happen?


Me: BW (47), WH (48)
Married 24 yrs, 2 teenagers
DD#1 01.20.12 When diagnosed w/STD
Told it was 15 mo. PA that ended 6 years ago
DD#2 04.06.14 Truth: PA was 2yrs/8mo
Separated for 6 weeks
Reconciling and healing now

Posts: 192 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: southeast USA
ohiocarrie535
♀ Member
Member # 39709
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know what I want to happen. I wish so much he could be the husband I want and need. I'm still holding on to that I guess. But I know I'll be ok if he doesn't follow through. Like I said, I don't need him anymore. But I still love him, and we have 4 children together. At some point if things don't change I will leave, just not quite there yet.

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2013
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be careful with that line in the sand. You can't erase it once you draw it. ... or your words mean nothing.

If he hasn't stepped up in a year you may want to think about taking a stand. Sometimes you have to be willing to lose it all in order to save it.

He is not a safe partner for you yet. Gather your strength and put those boots to work.

You deserve better ♥


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
ohiocarrie535
♀ Member
Member # 39709
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all of you for the responses. I am close to the end. I think he realizes that now. Maybe I've been too nice and accommodating all this time. Either he will try it he won't. But I told him I won't stay with him if things don't change. And you know what, I'm not angry at him. I just don't care. He texted me a little while ago and asked why I'm not texting him back. I said, I just don't want to talk. And it's the truth, not said in anger, or spite. It was the truth.

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2013
I think I can
♀ Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a peace and calmness in knowing that you will leave. I remember that so well.


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8815 | Registered: Jan 2008
Topic Posts: 8

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