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Newest Member: Jmem8212 (44739)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Flashback Trauma
Coma
♂ Member
Member # 29353
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So i thought i was doing well and looking forward to renewing my vows with a clean slate. It is what i want after all but for two days now i have been in deep depression and inner prayer. We talked about some things from the past and she told me a disturbing thing that she omitted before. She told one AP that i post on SI. She can't remeber if she told AP my s/n here but she said she remembered mentioning that i post here.

After another hour of conversation and reassuring her that i still wanted to move forward with the renewing of the vows. I told her that i did need some time to absorb and deal with this new/old issue. She apologized repeatedly and i assured her that i admired her courage in sharing that with me after so long. I know it was not easy for her to do but i do appreciate her sharing even with the doubt she held about it. At the same time it crushed my spirit, it gave me even more hope for our marriage.

I explained to her that admission still scarred me but i was grateful for the truth. I told her that i just needed a little alone time to deal with this within myself. I went for a walk and once alone in a secluded spot. I cursed and had a tantrum. I didn't want her to see me hurting and lose faith in our way. I started to post here that night but i was in no condition to be sensible.

So the point is that now i wrestle with the insecurity of doubt. Am i holding her back from someone or somewhere she truly wants to be?

That IMO would be a great betrayal to do to someone you love. That question is what has been bouncing in my head now for 2 days.

As far as AP possibly knowing my s/n here. That is just as disturbing. I always had my suspicions about that but now i know. I assure anyone & everyone that i am not suicidal. It's just that at times like this the flood almost seems more than i can bare and make me feel like cashing in. Almost anything to just keep from drowning. Over and over again..........

I also feel a little better to let this out here. So there is my silver lining in those dark clouds overhead. I will deal with the rest of this another day.


BS-Me
WW-Her
"Love, look what you've done to me"

Posts: 437 | Registered: Aug 2010
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's TT and a very bad one btw. Your clock is reset.


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1200 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
Mhiimg65
♀ Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was having similar feelings tonight knowing that my WH's PA probably had access to my social media accounts all the while she was F**cking my H. When I talked to him about it tonight, he said he was sure she had no interest in me, and it was only his *prowess* (my words) she was interested in.

I bet your W's AP wouldn't step foot here. They are just plain into themselves. I wouldn't give it a second thought. And really, if he was here... maybe he learned something. My guess is if he did he ran as far as possible, and that is why you and fWW are renewing your vows.

Keep healing, Coma. That's what we all have to do. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. He is just a roadie, and has nothing to do with your command performance.


" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Coma
♂ Member
Member # 29353
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep healing, Coma. That's what we all have to do. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. He is just a roadie, and has nothing to do with your command performance.

Thanks Sincerely Mhiing65

I will and try to let my mind rest.


BS-Me
WW-Her
"Love, look what you've done to me"

Posts: 437 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 4

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