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Newest Member: Makeitstop85 (44953)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I had an online dating profile for 4 minutes
Runningaway
♀ Member
Member # 30707
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I made an OLD profile b/c I was curious and then 4-5 minutes later I had to take it down.

What is with all the messages for hook-ups? Ew.

The one and only guy who sent an actual message got a novel in response explaining why I'm not ready to date. Which made PERFECT sense to send at the time and now I'm sitting here absolutely mortified and thankful it is for the most part anonymous.
I am definitely not ready to deal with this. I'm not sure which part makes me more sad.

So I'm divorced, I've moved to a new house, I really don't think I have a lot of bitterness at my situation. I've even started to rebound financially. Why can't I do this?

I'm going to walk my dog and then drink wine.


What doesn't kill us makes us smaller. - Mario

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Canada
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Runningaway, makes 2 of us minus the dog. I am snuggling with the cat and drinking a glass of wine, rain pouring outside, enjoying a nice fire and watching re-runs of my favorite shows.

I have been doing OLD on and off, even though I promised myself not to worry about dating and men in general in 2014. I just took down my profiles again. I either attract young man who might want a cougar (not me) or people who look like serial killers (creepy with even creepier messages) or people who did not even bother to read my profile (such as men being currently separated, no thank you or of a very different political or religious view).

Back to not worrying about it for 2014... if he is out there and we are meant to be together, he will find me or I will find him, and preferably in person.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1255 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You stuck your toe into the water and you realized the water was too cold....no harm no foul.

You will get there when you are ready to get there, and if you choose OLD you need to expect to need the thicker skin necessary - but honestly, there is no rush to get there.

Enjoy you, your dog, your wine, and whatever else makes you happy to be you. ((Runningaway))


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4526 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You become braver, that is the best way I can describe it. The more you are "ready", the more you simply let the creeps roll off your back.

It may be a simple as practice, I dunno. I did get "better" at dating as I "practiced" more. I would come on SI and receive my 2x4's, then LISTENED to those 2x4's, and tried to adjust my expectations and dating behavior.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4144 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I made an OLD profile b/c I was curious and then 4-5 minutes later I had to take it down.

You had a profile up for four minutes and got THAT many propositions for hook ups?....really? That's got to be a world record.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It depends on which online dating site you used. Plenty of Fish is kind of well known for all of the hookup requests. If you use one of the paid sites, I think it weeds out some of the creeps. Not all, but some.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3348 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
whatdoto
♀ Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Runningaway, I so understand what you are talking about. I signed up with an OLD site. It didn't take me but 8 days to figure out it's just all BS. Views, flirts, winks and the stories they tell about themselves is just laughable. These are divorced men who think they are all that and a bag of chips.

They flirt, you say Hi and nada. Whatever.

I'm done. I think I'll go to the grocery store instead.


"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Which site did you use? I had different experiences with different free sites.

It did seem that I was always flooded with messages the first day or so and then things would calm down. Not sure how so many people knew I had joined all at once, they must get a notification or something. I didn't respond to the one liners or the ones that were obvious they didn't look at my profile. It's definitely a process, but it can be worth it in the end.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4166 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You stuck your toe into the water and you realized the water was too cold....no harm no foul.

love this analogy!

Posts: 486 | Registered: Jun 2012
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Runningaway I completely fruit out every time I try to put up a profile. You get those freaking weird emails, creepy dudes, pushy dudes, hook up requests, pic requests, and rude, rude, rude! I did meet one really great guy in my brief experiment with OLD, so they are out there...but no harm no foul!


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Runningaway
♀ Member
Member # 30707
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was plenty of fish. I didn't know there was a big difference between sites. I've heard people complain about pretty much all of them.

You stuck your toe into the water and you realized the water was too cold....no harm no foul.
Thank you that helps!

It was only 4 actual hook-up requests, a few other "fishing" (haha) and one commenting on the fact that if I was too ugly to have a profile picture up - b/c I didn't put one on - that I shouldn't be online dating at all.

I have read and reread my profile there was nothing sexual about it. I guess my feeling were hurt. I know it works for some people but I definitely will wait a long while before I try it again.

Ugh. It's nice to know I'm not the only one.


What doesn't kill us makes us smaller. - Mario

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Canada
I.will.survive
♀ Member
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh gosh, you definitely have to put up a profile picture to find the more serious men out there!

You probably wouldn't respond to someone who contacted you without seeing them first, would you?

We all have to have chemistry. It's a shallow starting point....but we have to have one!

When you are new to O.L.D. your profile is definitely featured. That is why you get so many hits so fast.

Stick with it when you are ready to try again. But please add a few pictures. Close up, full length and recent. You'll be doing yourself a favor by automatically weeding out men who don't perceive you as their type.

I had a VERY rare experience with the whole thing. Only dated one guy from one site and it lasted almost a year. Ended last month, actually. :( He was EXACTLY who he portrayed himself to be. It was an amazing year. The good men ARE out there!


Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The first time I was on OLD, I didn't have an identifiable picture up. I explained in my profile that it was due to job/client concerns, but that I would e-mail anyone a pic if they were interested. I met a few semi-decent guys with that profile; however, the quality of guys is much improved with an identifiable picture up.

You need a super super thick skin to OLD. You pretty much need to not care if people send you mean messages -- just ignore and block. You have to be OK with people not responding to you, to poofers after a few weeks of messages back and forth, etc.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3362 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 13

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