There's a couple of twists and turns to this question, hence the need to get a bit long-winded, but please bear with me. My ex-wife and I started dating about 3 years ago after being divorced for 7 years. We live in separate homes, get along well, and have a really awesome intimate life-I wish we could have had this before the divorce. (Her sex drive actually increased after menopause, like tenfold or so.) BTW, she's hot; we're both in our late 50's but don't look it; everything works, we keep fit, lucky genes I guess.
She works the front desk at a hotel, where a co-worker of mine LIVES (rents by the month). This co-worker is a male slut, has track record of that. So, I warned my ex about that, to be careful. However, for about a year now, my ex and 2-3 co-workers of hers have been getting together on a monthly basis (more or less), going to clubs, dinner, or the movies. During this time, she only told me of ONE outing. And, she left out the part about Mr. Male Slut going along. But let me go to May 2013...
I had no reason to distrust her, until May, when she called me upset about her suspicions that Male Slut was sleeping with one of her co-worker friends. She sounded near tears when she called me (she admits that), saying she was not being jealous, but hurt, because she felt she was betrayed by the friend / co-worker, in not confiding in her about the "affair". The affair had actually never happened, she was just overly suspicious. But, for several months after, I noticed she spoke of Male Slut in ways that seem to be a bit too "friendly", to the point that it almost sounds like she's talking about a high school crush (that's my take anyhow, hopefully not biased by my suspicions).
Fast forward to last December. She tells me she has been emotional lately, cries for no apparent reason. Hormones are not an issue, as she is past menopause, like I mentioned. In addition, the "crush-like" tone suddenly seems to change to a tight-lipped response when Male Slut's name is mentioned.
She had told me about going out with her friends one time last year, one time only. After a few beers at home one night, I asked her about this, making the assumptions that they had gone out more than once, and that Male Slut was there. She fell for it, and she said they had gone out twice, and that yes, he was there. (Several weeks later, little by little, it came out they had gone out several times, with Mr. Male Slut coming along.)
I became more suspicious, she noticed it, and offered to let me look through her cell phone's call log, to confirm they don't talk on the phone other than when the group is going out (the log by then only showed a few weeks worth of calls around Dec 2012). I asked : who asked whom for a phone number first, and she said no one, that they got each other's numbers almost "accidentally" on the first night the group went out. She got very fidgety and had a nervous laughter-blush when I asked this. After downloading her cell phone card onto my computer (she didn't see me do this, but hey, she offered so I took her up on it), I see the group went out around 10 times last year, and she eventually confessed (not because she volunteered, but because she got caught) that Male Slut went along on six or more of those times.
She says that she and Mr. MS have never gone out alone, always at least one of her friends comes along. She also says he has never hit on her, because she's not his type, and that she has zero interest in him. This part, she answers in a manner that does look truthful, I can kind of tell since we've known each other almost 40 years. Then again, she may just be a very good liar.
To summarize, I will give you a couple of scenarios, the first being where an affair is very probable, either emotional of physical, and the second, where hopefully nothing happened - this is where I don’t know what the hell to think, the “evidence” is conflicting:
I. Affair
-our relationship after the divorce was purely sexual, no emotional needs met, she may have needed the emotional attention from me, which I admit was not there
-she lied about his company, for about a year
-lied about how often she went out
-she felt jealous thinking MS was having an affair w/ co-worker
-caught her leaving work 45 min late twice. 1st time by accident
-no explanation for 1st time being late: “I don’t remember, etc”
-2nd time she said she stayed to eat her lunch
-says she hates her job, but stays after quit time for 45 min (“visiting” in his room?)
-I’ve seen them walking together after she got off work
-she called him up two different times, at her quit time(to tell him she's on her way to his room?)
-one night, she calls him at quit time, then 6 more times that evening, as if getting ready to get picked up to go out. No calls from co-workers, so it wasn’t a “girls’ night out” - she “cant remember” that day
-cell phone calls don't show long conversations, however they can talk in person, she's at work while he's there 3 days (24 hrs) a week
II. No Affair
-she promised, on our own daughters and grandchild, that she has never had sex with Mr. MS
-says she lied about him because she knew I would be upset
-all calls are 2 min or less
-FWIW, we continued being intimate throughout all this time
-she agreed to not go out w co-workers, esp him, ever again
-we seem to be developing more feelings towards each other since this blew up about 6 weeks ago
I have no real hard proof, just a lot of circumstantial evidence, so this is why I need input from you out there, hopefully you have viewpoints I have not been able to see-my emotional state doesn't help clarify the situation. My thoughts are that she had at least an emotional affair with Mr. Male Slut, with possibly some intimacy. However, I also think it's possible this was a full-blown affair, and she is just going all out to deny it, saying whatever she has to say to convince me. I have had a hard time getting her to admit to much, just bits and pieces here and there. She has apologized, but still denies any feelings whatsoever toward him, much less any sexual relationship. She says they never danced together, held hands, nor kissed. She says she loves me. I know it's to her advantage to say all this, because we have life-long ties (2 daughters and a grandchild), so this is to be expected. Lastly, I have to be honest: I had not planned to ever re-marry this woman, but since finding out all this stuff, the thought of losing her like this has made me stop to reconsider our relationship. I guess the fact that someone else could take her from me, makes me want to hold on to her even more. Oddly enough, sex has been even hotter now. The pictures in my mind of her with someone else fuels things up...kinda weird, no? Thanks for all your input.
