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Newest Member: 3cjh (44967)

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User Topic: Is the WS Fog lifting?
flayed
♀ Member
Member # 41875
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, February 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To preface this, I didn't think/know that my WH was in the Fog because he wasn't mourning his AP and he wasn't saying wishy-washy things about wanting to be with me and wanting to R. Maybe I was in the BS Fog and didn't see his Fog clearly???

He has said some things in the last few days that make me think that perhaps he was in fact in the Fog and that the Fog is now starting to lift.

1. We were in MC earlier this week and I shared that his A has damaged my love for him. (I don't want to live in a fantasy and pretend that this is not the case). He was shocked because it never occurred to him that his A would damage my love for him since it didn't affect his love for me.

2. I was angry with him today because I was remembering some of the things that he said to OW during the A and how that relates to things he has said to me since DDay. He was apalled with himself, apologized and said that he is just starting to really understand how deeply his words/actions have hurt me and damaged me.

Am I seeing this correctly that he must have been in the Fog and it is possibly starting to lift?

In addition, I had felt that he was inconsistently remorseful before, but over the last week I think the full impact of his choices/actions is really starting to hit him. His level of remorse seems to have gone a couple orders of magnitude deeper and is consistent.


BS(Me)-39
WH-39
Married 13 yrs, Together 19 yrs
4 kids under 8
2 yr LTA
DDay- Oct.29, 2013

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, February 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you have a WS who is starting to get it you will see the lights coming on.
It can be shocking for them because the A had them so self involved.
Once they start to see the damage they have caused they can be pretty upset with themselves.

Continue to watch the actions. ... coming out of the fog and finding remorse are different. Don't try to make him feel better during this time. He needs to feel this pain and work through it in order to continue his healing.

Continue to be open about your pain and feelings. He should start carrying the load once his head is clear and he sees the storm his actions have created.

Loving, consistent actions over time. ....


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3804 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It may be the fog lifting. Karma has it right - continue to watch his actions.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25376 | Registered: Aug 2011
flayed
♀ Member
Member # 41875
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, March 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Karma. I am having difficulty letting my husband's remorse and love in when I am really down. That is very difficult for him, and while I make no effort to make it easier for him at that time, I guess at some point I will need to learn how to receive in the midst of my pain? Not sure how. Is that something learnable in IC?


BS(Me)-39
WH-39
Married 13 yrs, Together 19 yrs
4 kids under 8
2 yr LTA
DDay- Oct.29, 2013

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 4

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