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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Bs fog
sweetangelbroken
♀ Member
Member # 27191
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We hear a lot about the ws fog here. I feel like a four year fog is just beginning to lift. I think it was so unbearable for me to even admit to myself that this was actually happening to me that I clung to lies and hope and false reassurances It distresses me that I allowed myself to pretend I believeb. It was unbelievable. Had it been happening to anybody but me, I would have cut thru the crap immediately.
Anyone else been in a fog?


married 28 years
dday 12/5/09
life is not about waiting for the storm to pass..it is about learning to dance in the rain

Posts: 181 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: chicagoland
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. Infidelity is the most disorienting thing I have ever lived with.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. It's a defensive mechanism. I was in it while the A was going on right under my nose too. Now I see clearly what was happening, but at the time I made excuses to explain away uneasy feelings. Try not to be too hard on yourself. I'm working on that too.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 558 | Registered: Jan 2014
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I went through my own fog that was fed with all the gaslighting by WW and OM. It took 7 months but I got to the realization that this fog was keeping me hostage emotionally and thus in limbo.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 568 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I have. I think it's a normal response to trauma. I've looked back and felt disappointed in myself, I've felt I acted in a pathetic manner, I've wondered what it was I was trying to do.

I think it's very normal. This is a good thing, coming out of it. It's like reclaiming your sanity. You want a relationship that is loving, supportive, and honest.

Sometimes people have a tough time determining the difference between giving someone a chance to fix a mistake and staying in a hopeless situation.

Understand you went there out of pain. It was the adjustment you needed to survive. It's great that you are waking up. I bet you've missed you.

This is all going to be hard and no fun but you deserve the time and effort to get to a better place.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1989 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
twitching
♀ Member
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. My fog was while the A was happening. Also deep depression. I'm on meds now.


"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
Livingalie2014
♀ Member
Member # 42332
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I feel this way. I'm in a fog because I want everything to go back to normal. I want my life back.


In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It goes on - Robert Frost

Posts: 55 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Lost
Livingalie2014
♀ Member
Member # 42332
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I feel this way. I'm in a fog because I want everything to go back to normal. I want my life back.


In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It goes on - Robert Frost

Posts: 55 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Lost
Livingalie2014
♀ Member
Member # 42332
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I feel this way. I'm in a fog because I want everything to go back to normal. I want my life back.


In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It goes on - Robert Frost

Posts: 55 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Lost
StuckinNJagain
♂ Member
Member # 42140
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, still in it. IC told me it will take a while to come out of it. Its a numbness i have never experienced before. Troubl sleeping, binge eating and then not eating for days at a time. I cant concentrate enough to read (find myself reading same paragraph multiple times to comprehend). Throw in a little depression and i dont know how i got threw the day.
Taking it day by day, hour by hour and trying to keep busy. Idle time is a killer and leads to my mind wandering and all awful details of the A. Hope we can all come out of it stronger than when we went in.


BH-46 (me)
WS-44
DD-16
DS-12
First Dday-2/09
Sec Dday-1/14
Married 17 yrs. Together 26

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NJ
keptmyword
♂ Member
Member # 35526
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After quite some time, I have to admit that in the few months leading up to D-Day I was in a type of "fog" that prevented me from realizing the truth from the obvious signs that were there. I don't know if it was a form of denial or a self-defense mechanism that wanted to prevent the incredible pain of realizing the truth.

Looking back, if I was a friend of myself, I would have been able to point out everything and say "Hey, there is something absolutely going on." My family could tell the signs and suspected it long before I ever did. My sister-in-law told my brother once after me and my XWW visited them that "I have no doubt whatsoever she is having an affair."

And she was.


I Divorced Her.

Posts: 363 | Registered: May 2012
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I think I was in a fog that kept from really processing what was going on. Also a second fog of depression and what ifs after DDay. I am not in a fog anymore, I see more clearly than ever exactly who my WH is.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 544 | Registered: Feb 2014
Getthruit
♀ New Member
Member # 42570
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine is the worst when I wake up in the middle of the night. I can't fall back to sleep thinking about what he might have done. My heart is still hurting.

Posts: 9 | Registered: Feb 2014
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine is the worst when I wake up in the middle of the night. I can't fall back to sleep thinking about what he might have done. My heart is still hurting.

Oh boy, do I remember having those kind of nights too! I couldn't fall back asleep when I woke up in the middle of the night (usually between 3 and 4am) and then the darkness felt so suffocating that I had to get out of bed and into the bathroom or kitchen to turn on the lights to keep from having my anxiety shoot through the roof.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 568 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((sweetangelbroken)))))

I think our trust places us in a fog. That and our hope. It's our heart trying to protect our mind from the damage of truly KNOWING what is being done to us. Unfortunately it's not any kind of protection at all; but it's hard to face such a scary truth.

Coming out of it is a step forward in healing but it is painful, too. A shock to our already vulnerable systems.

However you're not alone. We've all been there and can tell you it is so, so normal. From the outside things are so clear but when it's you on the inside...it's hard to see the forest for the trees.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 15

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