Yes, it's a bad idea.
There's a sequence to these things.
Realization that R is not an options.
Deciding to divorce.
Filing for divorce.
Arranging a division of property and child custody.
Divorce being finalized.
Mixed in with that is IC, healing, introspection, getting comfortable with yourself, working on any issues you might have, more healing.
Dating can come in there somewhere. Some SIers will say only after the D is final.
I say only after you've seperated, filed for D, and done a great deal of healing.
Broken attracts broken. If you date too soon, for your own comfort, you're using another person as a way to relieve your own pain, rather than dealing with it.
No one likes to be used.
The only way through this, is through it.
And, I agree with TH - the only way to deal with the pain and heal is THROUGH. ((Hugs))
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
I have always enjoyed the company of women and saw no need to hold back from it after I separated. Like you, reconciliation was not going to happen.
Be cautious with your heart and the hearts of others. It's likely that you're 'rusty' in the going out department. It's fairly strange at the beginning. But if you are honest with yourself and those you 'see', enjoy.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
Dating on the other hand, even casually, I would suggest to approach with caution. I jumped head first into dating and I can tell you it was way too soon. I was so raw, and only 3 weeks post D-day I met someone. I thought it was the best thing ever at the time, he was a good looking Italian guy and he was interested in me! What better a way to fix my broken self-esteem right? Wrong!! It started as FWB, but my neediness caused things to progress to a much more serious level, more serious than I was ready for. Within months I was totally in love and pretty much worshipped the ground he walked on, totally ignoring all warning signs that things were very wrong in our "relationship'. Long story short, I found out after 7 months of dating that the man I was seeing was married to someone overseas and he was actively trying to bring her to our country!!
That was almost enough to crush me. It was to much too soon and he took advantage of my neediness and vulnerability. In any case after his experience I decided to focus on myself. Next month it will be a year since our break up and I haven't dated anyone. No sex. Nothing. And you know what? I am starting to feel really happy and good about myself. I have done a lot of travelling this year on my own and met some great new friends. I feel super independent and satisfied with my life. I no longer look at it as being a 40 year old "old maid". I am learning what I like and don't like and figuring out ways to be happy without a crutch (aka a man). I finally feel like I could be ready to date and have proper boundaries. I have had a few guys ask me out, but if I see a red flag I can say politely "no thank you" or "I would rather be friends" than just jump into dating someone that isn't good for me. I know when its the right time the right fella will come along and until then I am happy being me.
I really didn't believe a year ago that it would take this long to heal. Now I think the best thing I did for myself was implement my self-imposed celibacy after that disasterous relationship.
"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"
This could make your divorce more difficult as well. My attorney strongly advises against this in the paperwork she gave me.