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User Topic: Anxiety and uncertainty
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, March 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure if I'm posting in the right forum or not. Since I'm unsure General seems as good a place as any

I'm feeling the return of anxiety uncertainty yet again. My new job has been really challenging [yeah...we'll go with "challenging"]. Just when I feel like I'm doing well it seems another snag occurs. I feel like I was tossed into the deep end of the pool and begin expected to being swimming laps and catch up with everyone else in the race. It seemed to start after I saw a movie that triggered me a little bit. The other part is something I won't get into right now.

I've been thinking about my life now and what it was like when I was still married to xww. I had an apartment that felt like a home. I realized that I haven't felt that sense of having roots. It was a reminder of how dealbreakers aren't the dealbreakers we thought because that feeling of having real roots in a place, a home, can be a very comforting thing. Even if the home feels broken those roots still ground you. Of course in my own case the extent of my xww's cheating was such that any roots were corrupted beyond repair.

So now I struggle. I miss being with someone I could believe in. I reach out to friends and family when I can but I try to restrain myself because I certainly don't want to be a burden to them. So I guess I'll burden those of you on SI who dared to read this post

[This message edited by Brandon808 at 10:44 PM, March 2nd, 2014 (Sunday)]


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3711 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, March 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Brandon808)))


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2210 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 12:53 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you StillLivin


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3711 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:20 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I moved five times in as many years and finally found a sweet rental apartment in an old house that totally feels like home.

Only three other people live here aside from the owners, who live on the main floor.

I feel safe here, with no bad memories.

It takes time and maybe a few moves to get where you'll feel at home with yourself again.

You'll get there.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17294 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 1:33 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks FaithFool. Funny you should mention moving but I'm trying plan for a move. I think its time and what you said makes sense. I'm hoping this move does half as much for me as yours did for you.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3711 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:44 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you find a home sweet home soon that gives you the warm and fuxzies. What you said really resonates with me about even when there is chaos and pain, home is still familiar and familiar feels comforting..until it gets too bad. I hope you can plant some roots soon. I always associate home with certain scents..my laundry soap, coffee, a candle. Maybe find a really nice smelling candle. I know I'm weird but that's my two cents.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4881 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Ostrich80

I've heard that scents have very strong association with memories so that sounds like a really good idea when the time comes to break in a new place.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3711 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, Brandon, I wish I had some wise words for you. You always have such good wisdom to share with us, and I've got nothing wise for you.

I do have hugs (((Brandon))) and sending mojo that your job calms down and that you feel like you have caught up with everyone else swimming laps.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9514 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Sister Milkshake. You know what? I think the (((hugs))) are probably more use to me at the moment than words of wisdom. Especially when I'm just trying to get through the next few days.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3711 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
1owner
♂ Member
Member # 41157
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck planning the move! Think of it as getting to establish new and better roots. The warm fuzziness of home is sure to follow.

Posts: 195 | Registered: Oct 2013
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know how you feel about regarding your job. I felt the same way with my last job. It turns out that it was just my insecurities talking. In the end, my managers, colleagues, and contacts all spoke highly of me and had nothing but praise for the way I handled my job and responsibilities. I was in that job for just over five years and at the end (they outsourced my dept overseas) I still felt that I wasn't doing my job well. This may be the same for you. You may feel overwhelmed and out of place, but in reality, you're doing a fantastic job.

Regarding home... I hope you can find some place that makes you feel safe and secure. I don't have much advice in this department. I just wanted you to know that you've been heard and I understand what you going through, even if it is only a little.

(((Hugs)))


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks simplydevatstated. I hope your right about how my colleagues perceive my job performance. The way things are structured I have a hard time gauging that (since I work from home now). Appreciate the support


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3711 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks 1owner. Yes, that is the best way to look at it. Just have to keep trying to focus on it that way.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3711 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before you met your XWW, where was home? What made you feel rooted there? Is there anything about that time/place that can help ground you now? Sounds? Smells? Familiar things? Were pets part of your life? Are they now?


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24799 | Registered: Aug 2011
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm jealous that you get to work for home. I would love an opportunity like that!

This is just a thought. Maybe you could set up a meeting with your boss in the office and just asking him what he/she feels about your performance and if they see anything that you need to work on. This will show them that you are dedicated to your job and that you want to do the best work you can. It will also show you taking the initiative to correct things now before anything gets too far out of hand. Again, just a thought.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before my xww? I was renting a room. Pretty much nothing made me feel rooted there. I do have a pet now, Jack. I am glad I have him but he doesn't make me feel rooted. He does keep me company, for sure but feeling "rooted"? Not really.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3711 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
painandgrief
♀ Member
Member # 40158
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So now I struggle. I miss being with someone I could believe in.

I completely understand that feeling and share your pain. Sending you support and hugs.


BS 50
WS 49
2 teenage kids
DDay - May 2013

"Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care"


Posts: 54 | Registered: Aug 2013
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

simplydevastated,
working from home has its advantages at time. I hear what your saying about having that meeting with my boss. I considered doing something like that, but I wanted to feel like I had a better handle on things first. The reason for that is many bosses (in my experience) don't want to hear about problems but solutions. If I was experiencing "challenges" I wanted to be able to talk about them in the context of those problems having already been solved (for the most part).


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3711 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
SadInNC
♀ Member
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Brandon. I was supposed to start a new job right after DDay and I had to postpone it because I was such a wreck. I started the job about a month after DDay. I was still a wreck but I couldn't put it off any longer. That was 2 months ago. I am still struggling with the new job, so I understand where you are coming from with that. Anxiety and uncertainty is not a good head space to be in. I want my confidence back! WH infidelity took it away.

You are not alone.


BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person


Posts: 337 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you painandgrief.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3711 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
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