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User Topic: Anxiety and uncertainty
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SadInNC,
Yeah, regaining confidence after something like this is still a struggle for me even 18 months past my D being finalized. I have to believe we'll get there though.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4007 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Home you can control. It's time to experiment with doing things to make your place safe and homey and rooted. For me, setting up my hi-fi and tuning to the classical music FM station makes a place home. What would do that for you?

Job: Well, you could have fallen into one of the many job sitces in which you really have been thrown into the deep end and expected to catch up with people who are several laps ahead of you already. There isn't a lot of good management around, IMO.... (Mods, That 'IMO' is meant to save the statement from being an over-generalization.)

Is there an opportunity to meet with your boss and teammates periodically? Working from home is awfully isolating....


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10430 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Brandon)))))

I'm sorry you're hurting. I certainly wouldn't ever say you're burdening us with it here though! I've seen you be there for so many people, with such kind support and wisdom.

Whenever I start a new job, it takes me a while to get to where I really feel comfortable. In fact it took me a year at an especially hard position! I don't think it means you're failing--merely that you're on the learning curve. Those snags are learning experiences!

I'm not sure if you're much on interior decoration, but is there something you can do physically to alter your space? Some sort of accessory you've always wanted or a way you can make the space feel more yours?

Sometimes it is just the loss of the communal 'ours' that hurts but having a new ability to say 'this is mine' and be proud of it will slowly, slowly ease the sting.


(((((hugs))))))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
abbycadabby
♀ Member
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Brandon)))

I have no words except that I'm sorry you're feeling out of sorts.


Posts: 1276 | Registered: Feb 2010
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sisoon (side hugs for my bro sisoon)
(((norabird)))
(((abbycadabby)))

This week didn't get off to such a good start but I'm pushing through.

I reached out to someone with my previous employer. If they have any good projects I'll move back over there in all likelihood. Working from home is not for me it seems, at least not working from home every single day. My level with my old company earned me more leave time than this position does. Even if I have to take a pay cut, which is possible, I'll still be earning a pretty decent living. I'll just have to see how it works out.

Bottom line is that I haven't been sleeping well at all. The last 2 - 2.5 years have been rough between multiple ddays, S followed by D and some other stuff after that. Heck, I'm posting this update at 1:14AM and being up this late is not the least bit unusual these days.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4007 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with Sisoon on using music as interior decoration. It can do so much for my mood.

When I was rattling around in the old house after x left, I kept the radio tuned to a French language jazz station, so when I came home that was the first thing I heard. I don't speak French fluently so the lyrics wouldn't trigger me.

It was quite soothing.

Working from home is not for everyone. If you're already feeling isolated and alone, you probably need the structure and interaction from working in an office with folks.

I hope it works out for you.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17589 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((FaithFool)))

Appreciate it. Yes, I believe you and sisoon are right. I probably need to use music more than I have.

Just got done with a teleconference and my lead pointed out some things I need to fix. I can fix what he talked about but I hate that I have anything to fix at all. I used to be so much better at my job/career. My freakin' M and xww drained so much out of me and I feel like I'm still fighting to get some of that back. Yet at the same time I don't want to focus on my career to the point of not having a life. For now I just need to do better at my job regardless of whether I move back to my old company or not.

Thanks again everyone for the support.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4007 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss being with someone I could believe in.

Lord, I remember those days. I'm sorry you're struggling right now.

I try to restrain myself because I certainly don't want to be a burden to them.

Yep, did that too. I found other ways to fill that aching void. That would have been numbers 2-5. Reach out, don't worry about being a burden, that's why we have friends and family. In a healthy relationship, they are there to give support in times of need. Kind of like you do here for complete strangers. Reach out brother.

I miss being with someone I could believe in.

Check the mirror. Pretty good guy there.

Strength in your struggles.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3031 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Brandon,

I also work from home... and while everyone tells me how wonderful it is... and it is flexible and has its advantages... it is extremely isolating.

I have a slightly different recommendation. I see "home" as my community, not just where I live. Can you find groups to join? Common interests? For example, a running club, or some other sport club. A religious group if you are religious.... Volunteer work where you have to spend time with other volunteers. This is where I find a lot of the interaction and satisfaction that I don't find in my job right now. I don't have the focus to do well at my job yet. (sigh) Hoping to get that back.

Anything positive you can do with other like-minded people in your community can help you to establish new bonds, new roots, a new sense of home, perhaps? Just a thought....

Best to you.


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 721 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((5454real
Thanks bro. I appreciate it. I'll keep reaching out.

(((StillStanding1)))
Yes, I am trying to get into more things like that. I think in the end I'll be better off back among people in an office. I just need to hold on a while until I can make that happen.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4007 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe try some sleep meds to get you through or adjust your sleep environment/habits? It would probably help in your work if you felt more rested.

I suspect though that as far as work goes you are judging yourself very harshly. Of course this stuff does seep into one's work life, but you may be your own worst critic. Not to sound yet again like a drug pusher, but maybe a solution would be ADHD meds so you can focus better? Don't see that you should have to keep white-knuckling through because you feel you 'should' be able to right the ship on your own with no help.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 31
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