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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He said / She said...
neverdidithink
♀ Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes we (I?) get stuck on the bad stuff fromthe past, but this weekend he said something really touching:

"I'm forever grateful for my second chance."

I responded that I'm grateful he felt all the hard work was worth it, I know it hasn't been easy for him to face the reality of his actions and the fallout. He said:

"It's not over, but I'd do 10 times the amount of work if it meant staying together. I don't want a life without you."

I swallowed my initial reaction of "you should have thought of that before" and decided to enjoy his hearfelt words and the consistent actions that back them up.

How about you? What has he/she said that gives you hope you're on the path to R?


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 338 | Registered: Sep 2013
Neverwudaguessed
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We took the kids on a ski trip and in the middle of the second day, he looked at me, took my face in his hands and said,"I am really having fun with you; There is no one else in the world that I would rather be here with. I love you!" He has also said how lucky he feels every morning when he wakes up that I am still here, giving him another chance.
Trying hard to hold onto these things during this rocky roller coaster ride…..


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 650 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
reallysad2012
♀ Member
Member # 37658
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9

First I have to say I love this! So true. This is my type of humor.

Anyway...You were right to enjoy the moment instead of allowing in the negative thoughts. Good for you!

I am fairly comfortable in R right now and have had moments like the one you describe. He always apologizes for hurting me whenever I am feeling sad or have a trigger. He has anticipated triggers and is there for me. Sometimes I get an "I love you" out of the blue, like I say "How cold outside is it today?" and he says "I love you."


me BS
him WH
his A was in 2001, DDay confession 9/5/2012

Posts: 102 | Registered: Nov 2012
Morhurt
♀ Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Those are both such sweet stories, thank you for sharing them.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 951 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
meplusfour
♀ Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 387 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
SorrowBhindSmile
♀ Member
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this weekend we were lying in bed, all the kids were still asleep, house was quiet, so we just laid there and snuggled a bit. My WH started crying out of the blue. He said he couldn't believe he could be so stupid and not see the consequences of what he was doing. He said how sorry he was that he brought all this to our family, that he cause me such pain, that he shit on our home and we had to move because of him. He said he will never, ever disrespect me like that ever again. He shows true remorse in both words and actions, so i do my very best to live in the moment.


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
ziganska
♀ Member
Member # 41690
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's more of a story but the other day, my H was filling up the car with gas at a gas station and I had left to go in to buy a soda. When I returned and we drove away, he grabbed my hand, kissed it and just started crying. I asked why. He said that while he was filling the car and saw me walk away from him to go inside the station, it hit him that I was walking AWAY. He just imagined what it was like for me to WALK away from his life. He said I looked so perfect but also like I needed protection and that I might be able to get that protection from someone else...that imagery just hit him out of nowhere. And there have been a few other very random stories that he's also told me that (hopefully) means he's committing himself to R and realizes what he has in me.


Me: 42
Him: 49
DD: 12/2/2013
Married: 9 years but together for 15
Recovering, Reconciling, Rebuilding, Restoring

Posts: 123 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: New York
neverdidithink
♀ Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SorrowBhindSmile, that's beautiful. It's so reassuring to hear things like that, huh?


i do my very best to live in the moment.

^this is something I'm making a very conscious effort to do every day, it's very easy for me to get stuck in "what-if" mode.


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 338 | Registered: Sep 2013
neverdidithink
♀ Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ziganska, how wonderful that he was able to connect those two things then share it with you.

I was getting a little unnerved by the recent rash of "I give up" posts, it's really nice to see these examples of healing.


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 338 | Registered: Sep 2013
neverdidithink
♀ Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

reallysad2012, That quote originally made me laugh, then the A fallout made me realize just how true it can be.

Neverwudaguessed,

Trying hard to hold onto these things during this rocky roller coaster ride…..
EXACTLY!!!! Sometimes they seem small, but they all add up.


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 338 | Registered: Sep 2013
neverdidithink
♀ Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy cow, I got another post-worthy one today!

We're going away tomorrow and JFO our reservations got REALLY messed up. WH was panicked that the trip was going to fall apart and spent hours on the phone fixing it.

I told him how much I appreciate all he did to get this resolved. It wasn't his mistake and he stood on his head to fix it. His response made me cry:

"I could never do enough for you after the kindness and grace you've shown me. I can't wait to spoil you for a week."


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 338 | Registered: Sep 2013
jpumpkin
♀ Member
Member # 42148
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These are great stories. We recently had a great talk where I brought up a lot of stuff that has happened in the past. There were a lot of great things he said, including how it bothers him everyday that he's caused me pain. The biggest comment came when I suggested that maybe I can be controlling and he use to rebel against that. And he said,"no way. It was never your fault. Every thing bad that has happen to me has been from my stupid actions. I'm done blaming other people for my unhappiness." It was a really a wow moment. For as long as I have known him he has had sort of a victim attitude with his career that would come out as soon as he wasn't getting tons of pats on the back. If his job wasn't exactly what he wanted with tons of recognition he'd become unhappy. That would lead to him making poor decisions..... drinking, prescription drug use, hanging with poor influences and things would get bad for us. In the last few years it's like he has really done some self reflection and recognized the damaged he's done by playing this victim role AND basing his happiness more on work than our family. His new attitude is what makes me like we are good. Like he's less likely to get into that frame of mind again.

[This message edited by jpumpkin at 8:31 PM, March 4th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 62 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 12

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