I have to admit that since DDay we've still been fairly intimate. I know what he's getting out of it (cake) and for my part it's physically enjoyable but really messes with my head because I've never been one to cry afterwards and now I sob into a pillow while he snores. But maybe it is some sort of "pick me" problem on my part and I need to quit.
Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson
Believe me, I get the confusion of the physical desire mixed with the emotional pain. The pleasure you're getting from the former does not make up for the hurt of the latter.
Some couples do go through HB (hysterical bonding) but if he's still in an affair you're only shooting yourself in the foot each time.
Time to put the metaphorical gun down.
I agree with BtraydWife and Norabird. You need to stop having sex with him, even if you enjoy it and it meets a need. You have a greater need than physical release; personal dignity. Protect it!
When you confront him, and you tell him how long you've known, he will know you knew and yet slept with him anyway. This is a tacit endorsement on your part of his behavior, feeding his already wildly inflated Affair Ego. You need to do the opposite. Inflate YOUR ego, and deflate his. Not having sex with a two-timer is only part of that- the 180 is your playbook for the rest.
“No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
You're making every single mistake in the book and eventually, you'll see what I'm talking about.
You're not going to gain any favor with him by letting him treat you like a welcome mat, Castellana. Unfortunatey, I think that's something you'll eventually have to learn yourself when your plan to 'nice' him back doesn't work the way you'd hoped.
Hell, maybe I should go out and find someone to cheat with - having my boyfriend go overboard by indulging me in everything I ever wanted because he's afraid of losing me and trying to win me back would be fabulous. I mean, who WOULDN'T ride that gravy train as long as they could?
And that's what your husband is doing.
[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 1:34 PM, March 3rd (Monday)]
She's sleeping with a married man, she's got outstanding morals. Do you really think he's the only one she's slept with? Do the thing they taught in school. You've now slept with everyone that she's slept with and everyone those people slept with, etc. It should disgust you. Stop the exposure and get tested.
What will R be like if you contract herpes, or HPV and develop cervical cancer from his whore? There are many more. How will that affect your life going forward?
You need to make sure you are healthy. ((castellana))
Frankly, as long as he's in any contact with the OW, I would suggest not having sex with him. Remorse was my bottom line demand before I would be sexually intimate with my FWH again. And trust me, we went through some incredible HB! But that would never have occurred had I had the slightest thought that he was in contact with anyone else. And even with that, I cried. A lot. Before, during, and after sex.
Be strong. We got your back. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
When you confront him, and you tell him how long you've known, he will know you knew and yet slept with him anyway.
You all are 100% correct. Thank you all. Ever since this all started I need to be regularly whacked in the head with a clue stick. A huge part of me is in such disbelief -- what kind of loser trades his wife and kids for an affair?
It's a lot to take in at once- how much this has and could affect your life. (((castellana))