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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

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User Topic: D day Jan 31
♂ New Member
Member # 42175
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband cheated on me. Now what?

Posts: 3 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LusiaFabbian, Go to the bottom of the forum, look on the right, and click on the blue button so that you can start your own thread asking for advice and support. It's too hard to give you meaningful support in a thread that's meant to give the original author support. both of you deserve the full attention of the other members. Also, you may want to post a bit more info than you just did so people can try to give you more helpful advice. Welcome.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4943 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
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Member # 40895
Default  Posted: 2:55 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Although its very nice to see your concern for your children, they will survive not going on a few playdates for a while. These end for the foreseeable future. Communicate with the betrayed wife and coordinate it with her. Your wife and wankmuscle don't get a say in it.

If you do not impose any consequences for a WS they will not change their behavior. It sends a message showing that no matter how bad the betrayal - the BS will always take the WS back.

You need to change your behavior too. By not disclosing what was sent to your wife, she was openly disrespecting you. You need to shut that down. If she is unwilling to cooperate then you need to show that you are capable of leaving her and finding another woman who loves & respects you.

She slept with your friend and yet you have already jumped into MC without knowing the whole story. You need total disclosure with timeline and everything. What if they slept with each other in your bed? In your kids bed? etc. My intention is not to create unnecessary drama, but how can you forgive when you don't know what you're forgiving.

Demand a written timeline before you go any further. Ask her to leave the bedroom and move into a guestroom.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Oct 2013
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Member # 42664
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have her write a time line for you and if it doesn't add up tell her she is going to take a polygraph test.
You may get the"parking lot confession"
You have a right to know what exactly you are forgiving just my opinion.

Posts: 235 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
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Member # 36057
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:51 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]

Posts: 139 | Registered: Jul 2012
OK now
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Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now is not the time to reconcile; that occurs when your wife is fully remorseful and you have all the relevant information. You are not being strong and tough, you are essentially being needy and overly forgiving. Your WW is confident that she is in control and she is totally forgiven; next thing she will be demanding an apology for creating the conditions that led to her affair.

You need to read lots of posts and other information from SI in particular. Your rug-sweeping behavior is playing right into your wife's hands; she can hardly believe her good fortune - no consequences for her cheating!

She has disrespected you; damaged two families and lied through her back teeth. Because of your timid, fearful approach your wife will learn nothing from her adultery. Except she can get away with it next time. You have to gain control of this situation- essentially you need to grow a pair.

Posts: 1748 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
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Member # 35660
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would assume that she is still in contact with him and I would also assume that his wife does not know the real story.

You should contact his wife asap. If she knows then I would think she'd want to talk to you.

One thing that I can guarantee will not happen is that in 5 years both couples won't still be married and kids still best friends. Don't worry abour rocking that boat because your WW and OM already tipped that boat over.

Posts: 177 | Registered: May 2012
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Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Demos, I agree. Unless something radically changes, the BS will not be in the picture. The WS may end up together, but your future looks painful on the current path. Yes, right the boat and set the course you need to keep the family together, to finish the analogy. Your children would rather have their family intact than keep these friends, their school, or their neighborhood.

We are moving away from the OW. Is it fair? Hell no. I am leaving lifelong friends and my family to relocate. Nothing in this crap is fair. You cannot be nice enough to engage R. Sometimes you have to be hard and unbending.

Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.

Posts: 1527 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
Topic Posts: 28
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