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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Therapist
LuisaFabbian
♂ New Member
Member # 42175
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Those of you who are regular readers know that I'm a big fan of therapy. No matter who posts what, I generally suggest that individual therapy or marital therapy can go a long way toward helping you heal.
We're messy people. All of us, not just those of us dealing with infidelity. We're the product of our parents, our culture, our personality, our education, our friends. And inevitably there are some experiences in there that mess with us, whether a bit or a whole lot. Which means that there isn't a soul among us who can't benefit from the occasional tune-up the chance to examine the thoughts and values we hold and determine how they're contributing to our mental health and our actions. However and this is a big however therapy is only as good as the person offering it. A bad therapist and I've heard some stories of really bad therapists can do some serious emotional (and sometimes physical) damage.
A good therapist is one who helps each partner in the marriage become better able to hear and respond to the other.Don't be afraid to walk away from a therapist who's making you uncomfortable. Sometimes it's just too soon. But ask yourself if the discomfort comes from feeling re-victimized or if the therapist is urging us to examine things we'd prefer to leave unexamined. In other words, is the discomfort shouting at us to back away (unsafe) or whispering to us to move closer (scary). I hear from a lot of betrayed wives whose husbands "refuse" therapy, insisting that they can solve their own problems. That's a red flag for me. If one of the partners feels the need to get marital counselling, I'm a firm believer that the other owes them to at least try it. Those who "refuse" therapy, in my experience, are the ones who need it most. They've spent a lifetime avoiding a deeper look at their own pain.

[This message edited by LuisaFabbian at 1:49 PM, March 5th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 3 | Registered: Jan 2014
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear from a lot of betrayed wives whose husbands "refuse" therapy, insisting that they can solve their own problems.

This goes right through me when I read this. It's so depressing. I see it as the WS saying "Let's guarantee this R thing doesn't work, and how about I further damage our relationship and your mental well being."

It screams to me. I've read it before and it's true. Their very best thinking got them here, they aren't capable of doing better on their own. They need professional guidance.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1874 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
IsthereEVERanend
♂ Member
Member # 42216
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is unfortunate that many of us cannot, or could not afford therapy at the time it would have been so helpful. That being said, your post is so correct.


Me: Older than dirt
FWW 63
DD 8/1990 She confessed to a 2 month ea/pa
Asked forgiveness but volunteered to leave. No way was I going to give her the boot

The eight most feared words used together in the English language: We need to talk. Th


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Utah
IsthereEVERanend
♂ Member
Member # 42216
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by IsthereEVERanend at 1:15 AM, March 4th (Tuesday)]


Me: Older than dirt
FWW 63
DD 8/1990 She confessed to a 2 month ea/pa
Asked forgiveness but volunteered to leave. No way was I going to give her the boot

The eight most feared words used together in the English language: We need to talk. Th


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Utah
Topic Posts: 4

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