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Newest Member: Momof3bz (44929)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Letting go of resentment
reallystruggling
♀ Member
Member # 23471
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi folks. Just an update: I am two weeks into "Lent" and I'm doing surprisingly better with resentment and whining. I have recruited my friends to help me with this: I asked them to interrupt and just say "Lent" if they hear me bitching about the ex. I have also asked my family to stop bringing up the topic of ex so I don't have an open door to start complaining. It seems that just talking about it was feeding the resentment monster in some way. Instead of feeling better by venting, I was egging it on. Weird. I still think about it. Daily. There is always something new with him that pisses me off (mostly blowing off visitation), but not talking about it keeps it to a minimum. I've been bitching about this asshole for four years. I am sure my friends are as sick of hearing about it as I am talking about it. Bonus for everyone that I am giving it up. Please send your best wishes that I keep this up for another few weeks and that it sticks. Forever.


me- BS (40 something)
him- remarried and already a WS again
3 amazing kids
multiple D Days over 20 years
Divorced 2010

Posts: 274 | Registered: Apr 2009
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think Lent is the perfect time to make permanent changes. It is long enough that things can become habits. Good for you for keeping this up. Thanks for sharing the thread. I'm new at this, and it helps to read others' responses to dealing with these things. Keep up the good work!


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like a very successful Lent so far! I'm sure the thoughts will decrease too as the venting out loud is further in the past. Good luck!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4158 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
reallystruggling
♀ Member
Member # 23471
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. And (((hugs to all of us)))


me- BS (40 something)
him- remarried and already a WS again
3 amazing kids
multiple D Days over 20 years
Divorced 2010

Posts: 274 | Registered: Apr 2009
reallystruggling
♀ Member
Member # 23471
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

update:
holy cow. giving up bitching about him for lent was the greatest gift i could have given myself (and my poor friends!). i slip now and then, but feel the resentment fading. yay!


me- BS (40 something)
him- remarried and already a WS again
3 amazing kids
multiple D Days over 20 years
Divorced 2010

Posts: 274 | Registered: Apr 2009
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did similar...left my corporate career to start my own thing and help her's advance while staying closer to home (both traveled for work) so our son would have more of a normal life than parents whom meant money was more important than him. She caught me during a hard recession for my industry. Lied numerous times and told me to stick it out as we had no household income problems whatsoever since she was pulling in $300K per year. I trusted her with what she was advising me to do for the family. She even said numerous times that I was one in a million men who would do this for their family. Meanwhile involved in an affair behind my back while traveling on business. At least the only one I found out about. As a man who generally identifies his self esteem with work (the majority of men do), you cannot imagine what it did to my self esteem and pocketbook. I was in true survival mode and did what I had to do...screw her as hard as I could when she filed for divorce. Never was I that scared in my entire life. And worse of all...she just didn't care.

Do I have resentment? You can't fathom it still. I honestly didn't know spouses could treat one another like that. And once those lies were figured out and brought to light, she became a totally different person.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 1:58 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1466 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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