[This message edited by devasted30 at 4:42 PM, March 5th (Wednesday)]
Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.
While offering forgiveness to your spouse in something that you can think about at your leisure and decide on in the future, I would like to point out that on the other hand, quite often a remorseful WS will struggle with self-forgiveness and that can serve as a impediment to self-healing. If he finds himself stuck in the shame/guilt spiral, he will need to come to some degree of self-forgiveness in order to over come it.
LF and I are six years out and she has never spoken of forgiveness nor have I asked for it.
I concur with the book recommendation too.
How Can I Forgive You by Janis A Springs
This is a MUST READ.
Forgiveness.....I worked and searched hard for it....it came to me as a whisper. Anticlimactic really.....sat with it for a couple of weeks before visiting with my wife on it to be sure it was real that time.
God be with us all.
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...