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Newest Member: Jmem8212 (44739)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Having a hard time working past sadness.
Lostingrief
♀ New Member
Member # 42659
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just found out about my fiance and partner of 10 years was speaking romanically with another woman. Neither of them will give me answers. I feel lost and alone. I can't eat or sleep.he denies sexual relations she is an escort I looked her up online. I confronted her she says they haven't had relations either do I believe them. Do I call off the wedding? Do I forgive? My mind feels like am drowning and can't reach the surface. How do u breath after it. Help!

Posts: 8 | Registered: Mar 2014
Lostingrief
♀ New Member
Member # 42659
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So we talked some more he admitted he met her at work he is a phlebotomist and does blood drives all over. He still can't answer why or how long he asks what it matters....to me it does. He deleted her number and keeps telling me it was only verbal contact they had. He says he is sorry and feels like a dick and wants to move on from this. I want to try but I have question after question. How would u proceed?

Posts: 8 | Registered: Mar 2014
JaneDeaux
♀ Member
Member # 42630
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there. I'm too new to offer advice except to suggest that you need to let these wonderful folks help you. I'm sorry you had to find out and that you're going through this.


We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. Kenji Miyazawa

Posts: 56 | Registered: Mar 2014
Lostingrief
♀ New Member
Member # 42659
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Mar 2014
Breezy150
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. Just try to take care of yourself for now. His actions will lead you in the right direction. It is a lot to absorb and is pretty much all consuming at first.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do what you feel you need to do, but I would suggest putting your wedding on hold for now until you know. I did not know my husband cheated before we married until a few months AFTER we married. I would have run like hell if I knew, but that's me. Don't get "stuck" in a legally binding relationship if you are uncertain. If you can forgive, marry him and be happy :)


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 901 | Registered: Dec 2013
Lostingrief
♀ New Member
Member # 42659
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank u for your words and encouragement. I go from sad to mad it seems and i have told him i need more answers before i decide to build our relationship up again.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Mar 2014
Howie
♂ Member
Member # 41922
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hard to say, since we outsiders don't have the details.I certainly understand your dismay and pain.
He has-at least, made a stupid mistake.Perhaps more. You've been together ten years? Were you pledged to fidelity? If so,I would sound him very thoroughly on what he thought he was thinking. IF he loves you, he will satisfy you about what was going on--and apologise and wait. Me-I'd delay marriage until I was now more certain.Its fair totest him. Keep in mind- your natural drift will be to just believe him. (My mistake) Don't.Trust but verify.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jan 2014
jb3199
♂ Member
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would definitely be postponing...if not outright cancelling...the wedding, and for one major reason:

He is not good marriage material right now.

My question is---what is he doing to make you feel safe for a lifetime commitment? Withholding information? Trying to rugsweep a relation-changing incident?

You have the rest of your life in front of you. Don't settle for anything less than what was unacceptable BEFORE you discovered his inappropriate activities. I don't want to say this, but you have just scraped the tip of the iceberg. Please use caution moving.


BH-46
WW-44
2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D


Posts: 2043 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
Lostingrief
♀ New Member
Member # 42659
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well after more talks he has admitted to having a sexual affair. Answered all my questions, now the ball is in my court and am past sad have now moved onto rage.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Mar 2014
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. Do your best to detach. Then watch to see if he is REALLY remorseful. If you click on the yellow healing library in the box in the upper left corner there is a 'FAQ for BS' link that has useful,info on the 180.

Basically be very cautious and focus on yourself. If he wants you to be with him he has to do the work. This is not on you to heal and men; he needs to step up. And to see if he can do that, you need to stand back. Hold onto your self respect and withdraw from him right now.

Take care of yourself and be kind, loving, forgiving with yourself right now. Pampering is encouraged

You will be okay no matter what.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4089 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 11

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