I did find a person of support this afternoon--Yay! (there's been precious few of late.) But I also opened a bunch of mail from creditors and realized there are many thousands of dollars unaccounted for, so I guess they've all gone to the business of pursuing the OW. Crapdogs, yo! I am ready to catch a break in this situation. I intercepted the water being cut off, but there are a bunch more bills in default that I didn't know--I guess he's been going through the mail (I work a.m.'s, he worked p.m.'s) and just throwing away collection notices. And when I've asked, over the past year, he's assured me they've been paid. So now my credit is also screwed. Guess I'll be staying in this house--that's a shame, because it was his grandmother's house and is now in my name. Guess that screws all family relations from that side, cause I'll have to stay here til this is all cleared. Fandamntastic! Oh, and did I tell you? I live in a small town,where he grew up, so all this crap is not only known, I am sure, but discussed at large. Crap and crap!
I live in a small town,where he grew up, so all this crap is not only known, I am sure, but discussed at large. Crap and crap!
I'm sure this hurts having people up in your business but hold your head high. You should not be ashamed, you did nothing wrong. Your "crime" is loving and trusting your husband.
When you see a lawyer you should be able to sue him for half the household income he spent on his girlfriend.
I know you don't feel like it but you are doing very well. ((winterbranch))
Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.
First, I doubt OWBS knows. He would have called his wife and told her to tell her boyfriend to have you back off. To call your H directly? I'm betting that this guy thinks he and your WH are friends, which means OW introduced them. Sick.
Second, if the house is in your name, that means you bought it. Since you aren't giving it away and back to his family, I wouldn't worry about it. Has his family contacted you to support you? If not, then you're concerning yourself with people that aren't concerned for you. They probably knew he was planning this.
Third - and most importantly - many of these relationships with someone from the past isn't about the person, it's about the past. Talking to someone from our past brings us back to that time. It makes us feel young, and somehow the memories of the breakup leave.
My H had an EA with an ex from his teenage years. Many others have the same story. It's much more about going back in time mentally than it is anything else. They're all the same. My H even said he was so glad she was back in his life, and also posted songs, etc. It's all very reminiscent of my boyfriend from back in 5th grade. I told my H that if it weren't him, and it didn't cause so much damage to me, I would actually laugh at how pathetic and immature he was, slobbering after some thing from the past like a love sick 10 year old.
Try again to get in touch with OWBS. He may know, but he may not. Don't leave a message. Keep calling until he answers. It just makes no sense that he's calling your WH asking about you and why you're calling. If he knew, he would know why you're calling. And he damned sure wouldn't be friends with your H to the point that he's calling him wondering what you may want.
As for your H - he really is amazing huh? Not paying bills, getting angry when caught, being amazingly irresponsible - sounds like someone that is acting like a teenager huh? LIke I said, back in time.
You did NOTHING to cause this. You trusted your H. You've been being lied to and betrayed for months. Dig into his computer. Send it to a specialist if you must, but get all of the details. Even if you're in a no fault state, let your H know you'll be dragging ALL of their sick, immature 'love messages' into court, and then, once a matter of public record, letting the entire world see what kind of 'man' he is if he tries to take one cent from you.
If he wants to leave, fine, but he does it with things that are his and his alone - clothes and toiletries. Everything else belongs to YOU.
And think about selling the house. If his family doesn't like this, just let them know they are free to make an offer on the home. If it's a fair offer and you accept, they have the home back. If it's not the best offer, or if it isn't a fair offer, then don't sell to them. Again - how many of them have called you to offer support? And how many of them do you think actually had no idea?
It's time to start focusing on you and your next steps. After all, even if he came home today begging to be forgiven, could you? He's been extremely cold, and this kind of blindsiding is very telling about what kind of person he is inside, and that's a not so nice one.
You've been through so much, and you're holding on wonderfully. I recommend getting into a counselor's office, and calling your physician to see about some short term anti-anxiety medication. I didn't want to do that, but after several months, I finally gave in. They help, much more than I thought they would.
We're here whenever you need support, or to vent, or simply someone to hear you.
Gotta politic this thing, or it's gonna sink into redneck abandon. Not me, I'm out of the crazy. Just want the bills paid. I've got a vision of me and my 4 animals with little bandana hobo packs, headed into the sunset. That's right, folks...Elvis HAS left the building! (obviously, meaning the love I felt..now it's just some kinda crappy chess match.)
To STBX: you want her, you got her. Enjoy the hell out of each other. I got some betta things to do. And I truly DO hope they one day fart unicorns and rainbows on each other...did I do that reference right? I also hope they leave the bathroom door open while pooping Skittles. Just sayin'...
In all seriousness, Thanks again and hope everybody has a great Work Week!
[This message edited by damnUnicorns at 9:05 PM, March 9th (Sunday)]
So - I'm glad to see you are feeling better than a few days ago. However, just be forewarned that your on a roller coaster right now and those feelings will change in a New York minute some days.
Good for you for taking charge of things.
It will be ok.
Today, I'm just pissed. Yes, indeed, the OWBH knew before me. Now, the WH is telling me he has no intention of being with her, just being without me. Great! You could have worked it out with me instead of cheating, but instead you chose this drama. Does he really think I'm-a in a mood to self-reflect and see his viewpoint? Cuz I'm not...just found out his preference is to be with someone else forever...just her HUSBAND got in the way! Shucks!
[This message edited by WinterBranch at 3:56 PM, March 13th (Thursday)]
I'm still all over the place, and so is the WH. He was super-angry at ME..don't get that...for the first month or so, now he's morphed into "I feel so guilty...you have to let me help you out of the financial mess I created...I ended it with with the OW...I effed up bad...if you'll accept my help I'll make the debts go away...if you want me to hurt over this you're getting your wish b/c it's killing me..I don't sleep, I don't eat...I wish i could take it back..."
WTF...seriously. I'd appreciate any input. My gut says anger and domination wasn't successful, so he's now trying the opposite technique to manipulate me...but to what end? What is his motivation? I know he's trying to manipulate...I just can't understand why. He was pretty damn clear 4-5 weeks ago that I wasn't worth anything, not even respect...so what is up? Is this man crazy? NPD? Help,please.
Now, I can't be sure of this, but I'm sure others will tell you their more experienced viewpoints.
Good luck with things. I do feel you as I'm right there on this roller coaster of craziness.
And I don't want either of us to be swept under that... we both deserve more...you hear me?
It's more than likely that the Unicorn and Rainbow parade he and his side piece had going suddenly hit a speed bump in the road. For whatever reason, they've had a sudden parting of the ways. Selfish user that he is, you all of a sudden look real good to him, once more.
That is, until she crooks her finger at him again.
Then you'll be right back to where you were 5 or 6 weeks ago while these two chuckle heads make up.
Let me tell you something. If their oh so wonderful 'relationship' was so valuable to him that he left you and didn't shed a tear, then these two aren't done.
Not by a long shot.
I'd continue ignoring him. He doesn't DESERVE your respect.
After all the cruelty he has dispensed you probably want to have nothing more to do with him. Thats the route I would take, but, obviously thats your decision to make.
"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana