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User Topic: Exposing other man
Ladyogilvy
♀ Member
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As long as the photos are of someone of legal age, you can't get busted for passing on child porn. What's left? You can not sell the photos for profit without a signed release but that doesn't mean you can't share them with friends. I'm not a lawyer but I was a model and am assuming the same laws apply. I suppose they could vary from state to state. I personally can't tell you what's right or wrong for you. You probably should consult a lawyer, if for no other reason, so you don't stress about legal ramifications. I know there are times in my life I considered getting revenge, regarding outing a child molester. I was talked out of it and regret it to this day. There are people who threw me under the bus when they knew about WH's A. They are still in my WH's life and there's no way around it because they are business partners. That enrages me enough to want revenge. I don't claim to be above revenge. That me died when my WH dragged his family through the mud. He is showing remorse and trying to make it up to me but the people who participated in hurting me, to my face... The only thing protecting them right now is that I won't do anything that will hurt me or my family. First chance I get for revenge in a way that doesn't hurt me or my family, I'll take it. I hear people saying SI doesn't advocate revenge. Of course not. That would be putting themselves at legal risk... And of course the higher ground does make many people feel better about themselves. But... SI has consistently recommended letting the other BS have all the information they need to know what they are married to. If you contact her... Be gentle, offer proof. Remember to have empathy for the trauma she will experience but remember, her WH is the one responsible for that. She has a right to know.

[This message edited by Ladyogilvy at 12:54 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]


Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1531 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
FinallyHappy
♀ Member
Member # 308
Default  Posted: 5:27 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's a fucking grandpa with grand kids my kids ages. His kids are my age. Fuckem, fuckem all. He called down the thunder and he definitely felt the sting of my hands and will continue to do so as long as I get a chance. It will never even the score I know. But I do hate this mother fucker and he is my enemy forever. I don't have an enemy in the world except this guy and my wayward wife.

Yes.

But.

Check out the statute of limitations for assaulting someone in your state before you do this!

You beat him. You lost your finger because of it. Can he still press charges of assault if he so chooses?

If I were you, I wouldn't poke the hornet's nest.

I do understand the rage.


"Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none."

~Ben~

Posts: 7338 | Registered: Jul 2002 | From: WI
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your wife offered herself to this guy and being a guy he took what was offered. Where does the main fault lie? Your WW betrayed you not him; she disrespected you not him; she dumped on your marriage vows not him.

You have already humiliated him and handed out a severe beating. Your wife was undoubtedly turned on by 2 men fighting over her. Assign the fault to the appropriate person.


Posts: 1716 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
IWantDoOver
Member
Member # 39440
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A group of Cherokee children gathered around their grandfather, filled with excitement and curiosity. That day there had been a tumultuous conflict between two adults and their grandfather was called upon to mediate. The children were eager to hear what their grandfather had to say about it.

One of the children asked a question that puzzled him, “grandfather, why do people fight?”

“Well”, the old man replied, “we all have two wolves inside us, you see. They live in our chest. These two wolves are constantly fighting each other.” By this time, the childrens’ eyes had grown as big and bright as the moon. “In our chests too, grandfather?” asked a second child. “And in your chest too?” asked a third. Grandfather nodded, “yes, in my chest too”. He continued, “there is a white wolf and a black wolf. The black wolf is filled with fear, anger, envy, jealousy, greed, and arrogance. The white wolf is filled with peace, love, hope, courage, humility, compassion, and faith. They battle constantly.”

Then he stopped. The child who asked the initial question couldn’t handle the tension any longer. “Grandfather, which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “the one that we feed.


Peace

Posts: 212 | Registered: Jun 2013
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand your anger and hunger for revenge. I took revenge and reported my exWW's AP to his employer, the US Army. I believe his General forced his resignation after a 20 year career. I also told his wife. Am I proud of it?...no. But nor do I feel bad about it. Fuck em. This was more to hurt my exWW at what she caused because of her unremorsefulness, false R and seeing a lawyer behind my back to file. Knowing I was destroyed in front of her. I didn't care about anyone...just wanted revenge where I knew it would cause a lifetime of pain for him...and that was his career. But then again, adultry is against military code especially at his rank and responsibilities.

I do live with the concern that he could show up at my door one day with a gun. You never know what a man will do when you take away his livelyhood, career or family. Regardless of what side of a transaction he is on. Not what he did was anything good to me, but be careful what you wish for and do. It could come back to haunt you. Not only that but you look so bitter and friends and family my alienate you even more because they don't want to seem to be associated with the additional drama you're causing. People are uncomfortable with infidelity would rather not associate with you than support you I found. I've lost many friends because of this, so trust me. Find another outlet for the anger, because that's what it is...just anger. Personally my outlet is hockey. I get to pounce on others a few times a week and it's perfectly acceptable. Maybe take up boxing or something. You would be surprised at the release.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 9:07 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
lilflower1000
♀ Member
Member # 36634
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If the OP or WS had put one quarter the thought into what hurt they would cause b4 cheating as we BS's put into our effect on others, none of us would be here. Why as BS are we supposed to worry about the OP's kids? They certainly weren't worried about our kids or their own kids for that matter. My husband's OP came to my home when my kids were here! They were destroyed by this whole thing. I'm supposed to worry about HER kids? She had lost her kids due to her drug use. I doubt me posting her actions on the internet or beating her ass are going to hurt her kids any more than the kids have been hurt by her. I have put forth similar questions as you her on SI and I am given the same advice. Don't do it.. They'll sue bla bla bla ! Well he'll maybe if they sue at least my kids will know I stood up for my family and didn't just roll over and take this abuse. Yes, infidelity is nothing short if abuse in my opinion. I'd rather be punched in the face than put through this crap. Why do we have to take the high road? I'm over a year out and I feel nothing but rage. I feel like if I would have had the opportunity to do something to defend myself from her shortly after dday, I would have some sort of closure. My happiest moment in this whole mess was when I kicked him out threw out his tools etc . If I only had a defining moment like that with her, maybe I'd feel a little better. I'm still thinking of posting something, but haven't yet.


lilflower1000
Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
Dday:8/1/2012
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own

Posts: 313 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
flup
♂ Member
Member # 21259
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uhtred:

When I put the information I had up, OM called me squealing about his relatives calling him and asking what's that all about. Parents, kids, neighbors, etc. He threatened to get a lawyer, and I'm not sure if he actually consulted one - because I ignored the POS, and he called back six months later begging me to take it down. Nope. Not until his BS called me.

I outed OM#2 not only to his wife via registered mail, but in a face-to-face meeting. Then, when he got pissy about that, I outed him to the community college he taught at. Then when he continued to attempt contact with fWW, I called the sexual harrassment police at the college about it.

Not a peep from either since.

I am a Marine, and am quite comfortable with my violent side, but I let my head prevail. You should use your head also.


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 430 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am all for exposure. If they didn't want it, they shouldn't have done it. I do not think that it is taking the moral high road to not do this. In fact, I think quite the opposite as one of the reasons adultery is as prevalent as it is is bc of a lack of consequences for the adulterer. Especially public consequences, the kind others can see and hopefully take a lesson from.

However, I would definitely consult a lawyer first and make sure there is nothing illegal about it. I have no idea about the laws concerning this.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1081 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are many, many times I would like to out the OW to her kids and friends. Problem is, most of her friends already know and were fine with her actions. And the kids, well they are innocent in this, kinda. They are young and would not understand the full scope of what their mother had done etc until they were older. And really, what would that get me? Sure, I'd feel better for a while, but it wouldn't last. Only her death would make me feel better and that is definitely something I would never dream of doing. But, if I outlive her, yes, I will do a little jig. Perhaps, you need to seek some anger management. While we all understand your pain and want for revenge, realistically, in the real world, we civilized people DO NOT want to lower ourselves to their level. Me, I have wayyyyyyyyy more pride in myself than that. And though you think you would never regret it, I would bet someday you would feel differently.

Posts: 1223 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sean fla, you are right that an outlet does help. I've been involved in mixed martial arts for about ten years. I teach Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and I thank god that I have something to take my attention away for a bit. There's nothing more "therapeutic" than choking someone!


The advice that I'm getting is good. I see those that are for letting it go and those that support all out humiliation. I am definitely going to do something for sure.

I'm going to throw caution to the wind and go for it. He deserves it for sure. I know my wife owns 50% of the carnage and she'll get hers from the karma bus. This guy was supposed to be a friend. He will learn that I'm driving the karma bus right now.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 605 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uhtred you need to start thinking a different way. You are going to start to be obvious. You've already done the most macho thing you could do, you beat his a$$. What's next along this train of thought? Burning down his house? Even the website could get you in trouble. And where will it end and be enough for you?? You need to strongly consider the answer to this and consider it as you (hopefully) read everything I'm about to say.

I get the revenge thing. I get it. I did it. I'm a woman but if there were no laws and someone would give me 5 minutes with any OW I've ever had to deal with I would turn them into human pudding. But life doesn't grant us that.

Some of us are more revenge oriented than others, people who are not wired this way have a hard time understanding it. It's as deep a need as breathing. Is it wrong or right or justified, it doesn't matter because it's like some of us can't escape the force. I have been this way my whole life, even as an adorable, shy, mild mannered, little 6 yr old girl. I am completely passive and docile, but an eye for an eye is a part of my make-up. So I get it.

My rule is do nothing illegal or overtly damaging to anyone innocent surrounding the situation. But it's not up to me to protect some whores kids or whether or her reputation or whether or not her grandma looks bad after she's exposed for the POS she is. I think these kind of people get away with stuff their whole life because they bank on knowing most people are more compassionate than they are.

You need to take a step back and rethink and get strategic. I'll give you an example: I found out my ex OW (this was at the time we were married) had been dodging a bunch of creditors in another state for years. A simple phone call to all of them on her whereabouts caused her to end up back in court for 10s of thousands of dollars. For little effort on my part she got some consequences SHE DESERVED. People who fuck around with other people's spouses usually have other big skeletons in their closet. I also exposed her to her fiancé of course. And if I find out this ho-worker had an A with my husband all her skeletons are going to come crashing down around her too. It's things THEY DESERVE. Did that other woman deserve to fuck with my marriage and steal money from credit cards and all that? Nope.

I know revenge is not advocated on here. I agree with that in a way. I almost don't think of it as revenge. But more like 1 + 1 CAUSES 2.

Whatever, but for your own sake please take a deep breath and try to step back and refocus. No not Refocus, that implies simply focusing again in the same manner as before. take a whole new position and then look at it.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 370 | Registered: Feb 2014
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uhtred, you have a lot of anger. The anger you are giving to this man seems to take up a lot of space in your head. I don't really care what you do to him but I don't think you are getting rid of the anger. What if you post it and he does nothing. You get no reaction. Then what? Or if you do get a reaction, then what? Your still angry. Perhaps you are mad at someone else? Not being angry is freedom.


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 303 | Registered: Aug 2013
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow - are our stories similar! Scary really.

I had these same thoughts, to the point that I even bought the domain name. The phone and internet were in my name as well, so anything she sent, I owned.

I had the entire scenario planned. I was going to get all of her FB friends saved, as well as her graduating daughter (who was 18). Once the website was made I was going to send them all the link without her knowing. She'd find out, of course, but AFTER everyone else had seen it.

I had even planned to do this 3 days before her daughter's graduation. That way, all of the graduation class and the parents in the stands would know. It would have been a complete ruination.

I planned this out meticulously. I had started gathering the friends' fb pages. I purchased the domain name. It was (OW'slastname)pig. Her last name is a word, and this worked perfectly for a website.

In the end, I didn't. Why? Lots of reasons. First, I didn't want ANY blowback, and once you do this, you can't stop it. No, no one had anything on me even remotely like this, but that doesn't mean I wouldbe be watched, harassed, etc. I didn't want or need it.

Second - was this erasing the A? No, it wasn't. After all was said and done, I would be right where I am now.

There are days when I still wish I would have done it, but it doesn't matter. She's fallen apart on her own, without my help. I'm sure she'll keep falling until she is in a ditch begging for help.

There's nothing in this really. It sounds fun, but in the long run, what changes for you? Nothing, and you've possibly invited a lot of crazies into your life looking to 'avenge' good old grampa.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been thinking about this more seriously since I posted the thread. If I am to do this I'm going to find out what the statute of limitations is in Texas for what I did to to him (it should be legal in cases of infidelity in my opinion). Thank you for putting that idea in my head.

My hot head has cooled for the time being thanks to my posting and everyone's advice. I will get my ducks I'm a row first before I throw caution to the wind. The last thing I want is to be separated from my family because I couldn't leave well enough alone.

Someone mentioned that I have a lot of anger and hate in my heart. You are correct that I do and the flame burns bright for this man and this man only. I' never was an angry man until that weasel made his way into my life.

I feel that my anger is righteous as is all of ours who have suffered at the hands of infidelity. I look at this additional stab as a side project not to be all consuming. I just want to do something that may make me smile and see a little "fun" poked at him.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 605 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
lastdance
♀ Member
Member # 42401
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

let it go....let it go.....what is done is done...you are angrier at him ,but the only one who you should be angry with is your wife....she is the one that did the cheating and lying...she betrayed you...she destroyed you....do not let her ruin your freedom and future...we have some severe laws here in Houston,please let it go,,,you do not have to drive the karma bus...let the two of them stand in front of it.....you will get over this,,,we have all been there where you are now....sending blessings to you,they will get there soon since we are in the same city,,,peace and love to you and your broken heart

Posts: 153 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: orlando, fl
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't understand the moral principles and assumptions that support your desire for revenge. What are they?

I've got some guesses, but they probably say more about me than about you. I'd really like to know how you support your position morally. You don't owe me an answer, but I'd appreciate one.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10163 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sisoon,

I'll start with Proverbs 6 vs 32-35

32: But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: He doeth destroyeth his own soul.

33: A wound and dishonor shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.

34: For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.

35: He will not regard any ransom; neither will he rest content,

I can't claim myself as a Christian but I will say that the bible has a lot of truths and morality based advice. When I saw this it resonated with me because it is exactly how I feel. I take it with a grain of salt because in turn Jesus asks us to turn the other cheek.

I can't imagine feeling any different than I do about it. It's how I'm wired I guess. If you piss on me on purpose I'm going shit all over you in the worst way I can. This will be my first time to have to shit on anyone in this way.

Never once in my life have I ever had a reason to hold a grudge until now. Forgiveness is reserved for those deserving of it. I've made no enemies that I'm aware of. I've never met a stranger and would give the shirt off my back to any in need. This is the code I live by and what I learned from my grandfather and it will never change.

I don't sit around and let this guy consume me. I want to make myself clear. I don't give it much attention at all because my spare time is spent with my family and trying to reconcile with my wife. Eventually though I plan on nailing the last nail in the coffin so to speak and put it to rest. It will take all of 5 minutes to do and I'll have a laugh and may drink a beer or two while I'm doing it. I just need to shore up a few things and make sure it doesn't land me in the clinker or in an expensive legal battle. I wouldn't risk my family, job, or my finances any more than I already did the first go around.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 605 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
MediumRare
♂ Member
Member # 35128
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get your anger Uhtred, but really brother, put it where it belongs which is with your wife/spouse, not this dickless, poacher loser.

Seriously, bro'.. the more anger and focus you give this wussy-ass, the more personal power you are handing over.

I'm a big, strong, tough guy and I'd never lay a hand on any OM since I wouldn't want any of their stench, STD ridden filth on my hands.

I feel total pity towards how pathetic, low life, bottom feeding scum any so-called "man" would be if they can only poach unavailable, taken and married women that are dysfunctional and broken. There is no spine or manliness there.

These low-lives deserve no attention. By giving them attention, even negative, you are just empowering their situation. Yes, even getting the shit kicked out of them, I see their type bragging about it and how deep a "wound" they scored.

Letting them rot in their own stench/stink and solitude is the real way. I pity/feel sorry for them, actually and they aren't worth even 1/10th of a second of concern or anger.

Just my opinion...


BS (ME): 44
WS(HER): 42
9 years
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
DDay 1/2012
NC 3/20/2012
SGASDay 4/1/2012

Posts: 716 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: California
ladycody
♀ Member
Member # 41401
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand your anger...but hear me out. I am a BS and the OW was married as well..and admitted that she had initiated things. He found out first and told me...and I'm glad he did...i think spouses have a right to know...but like you...he was consumed by anger. I was the one who paid the biggest price....and i frankly didnt deserve that additional stress and pain. (And it was much less than you are planning.) What if his wife or daughter did to your wife what you are planning to do to the OM. What if someone outed your wife to the world...caused her to lose her job...damaged her relationship with your children and your entire community. She is as much to blame...more from your end...shouldnt someone destroy her world too? You say you are spending time with family and trying to reconcile with your wife...so you presumably love your family and dont want them hurt. Would you really want her...them...completely destroyed or do you believe there is something worth saving...be that your marriage or your relationship with yiur own children. Understand the same holds true on the other side. You need to realize that whatever YOU do doesnt just hurt him. It causes serious damage to other innocents who do NOT deserve your wrath. Please rethink.

[This message edited by ladycody at 6:59 PM, March 10th, 2014 (Monday)]


Me 47
WS 41
M=16 years

Posts: 130 | Registered: Nov 2013
ladycody
♀ Member
Member # 41401
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ERASAMUS...I read your post and think his wife should be told...but would also point something with regard to the main discussion. As you said...the OM in your situation stepped on your turf and nearly destroyed your family. I think you realize your wife stepped on someone else's turf as well...and may have destroyed a family before all is said and done...and his wife will feel as you do. That was kinda my point in my last post to the original poster.


Me 47
WS 41
M=16 years

Posts: 130 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 64
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