Topic: will never forgive AP
Member # 28156
| Posted: 12:43 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
I tried..I spent time looking at her broken soul. Her loneliness, remembering how it was to be single.... It Didnt work. I hate that whore. I will not push that down anymore, and deny. There is no room.
a trigger yesterday
Posts: 883 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 8873
| Posted: 1:13 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
My WW was upset that I told the OM wife about the affair. She was afraid that his wife might come after her. I said, "Yep, that kinda how that works. And you are just now thinking about that?"
The OM knows if we every cross paths, he better see me first and head the other way.
[This message edited by twisted at 1:13 PM, March 6th (Thursday)]
"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Posts: 893 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
Member # 35215
| Posted: 1:29 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
I will most likely never forgive MOW. Her brutality towards me post Dday and rubbing their A in my face was enough for me.
BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended
Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Member # 21270
| Posted: 2:27 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
I don't give a hoot about the 4 sluts my FWH slept with (internet scum that I never knew). I feel nothing towards them, actually just superiority over them as they were pigs. Ironically the only one I just hate and will never forgive is the slut that threw herself at my husband at my kids school...flirted mercilessly, and when my idiot FWH called her on her flirtations and propositioned her, she turned him down flat. I almost think she's worse than the sluts that put out. Just wanted to play with someone's marriage. I've come to believe that she was so jealous of me personally and of my kids (her kids all losers...no fault of their own of course)that she wanted to have that over me.....well I guess you can say she did win in that regard, she got my husband to fall for her, she cut him down at the knees that's for sure.....but in the end I think she thought I would play nice and "thank" her for not accepting my husband's advances....nope, I iced the bitch and never looked at her in the eye again...would walk past her down hallways as if she didn't exist with my bitch face on....kinda scared her I think....she ended up being scared of me in the end, she avoided me at all costs and would scurry away in my presence...haha, I'll always have that.
Posts: 106 | Registered: Oct 2008
Member # 32660
| Posted: 4:48 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
Nope, I will never forgive. Not that I think she is waiting for forgiveness. She is so fractured that she probably doesn't get it.
Anyway, how do you forgive a OW who has been in your WH life
for 37years? THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS for that.
She would come and go from his life. She never married, never
had kids, she would just show up and start it up again. She would try to get him to leave me. Every time I was pregnant she would get mad and leave.
No, I hate her, and I have never hated anyone before like I hate
her. It doesn't control me- it is just a fact.
There were many others, one was someone I knew. I will never forgive her either. That one happened 24 years ago and lasted for
4 months, however, I only found out 2 years ago.
I mean, there is just so much a BS can handle. And why is it we
have to be the "better person" and forgive?
I'll heal from it and try to move forward and I won't sit behind dark curtains in my house thinking of ways to destroy them. I have never confronted them personally,
embarrassed them, or did anything unacceptable, but dam, I won't forgive them.
That is my POWER.
Me- BS (63)
M- 42 yrs
dday#1 11/09, Dday #2 10/11 and many since
P.A.'s - too many to count
LTA's too many to count (one for 37 yrs)
escorts etc- way too many to count.
Broken heart- too many times to count.
R- Getting bet
Posts: 427 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Member # 40032
| Posted: 5:13 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
There's nothing to forgive. OW is evil psycho bitch who tried to steal my life and my H and destroy my M. The only thing she deserves is to rot in H... OW is nothing and irrelevant in our lives.
[This message edited by whattheh at 5:14 PM, March 6th (Thursday)]
BW- mid 50's (me)
M 33 T 35
In R but I have PTSD...
Posts: 476 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 31558
| Posted: 5:19 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
I second what BtrayedWife suggested. Read "How Can I Forgive You." It and "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" are the best books I read after WH's A. I've had issues about anyone suggesting I forgive for my own sake since I was 16. My bible thumping, Sunday School teaching, serial child molester and rapist of a birth father told me he didn't need my forgiveness because Jesus already forgave him but that I should forgive him for my own sake.
I might have been able to forgive OW had she come forward done something to earn forgiveness but she never did. She wasn't the only one who was part of the betrayal though. There were other people who my WH works with who knew about it and were perfectly happy to through me under the bus when they thought WH and I might divorce. They never did anything to try to earn my forgiveness either. They are all wastes of food and I hope they all died horrible painful deaths.
WH had been trying to earn my forgiveness. He's a long way from having earned it because he still won't tell me the truth about what happened with who. But, I don't hate him or wish him a horrible painful death anymore. I suppose that's progress.
Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.
Posts: 1512 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
Member # 36549
| Posted: 5:37 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
I hated her for a very long time. One day I realized fuck her. I don't care about what happens to her. If anything indifference is worse. People like her want to be admired by everyone and nothing pisses off a narcissist more than someone who clearly is not interested in anything they say or do.
I remember when we were friends she was horrified and *saddened* by the word hate because it is so powerful and ugly.
Love yourself. You're worth it. Face your self. You need to do it.
Posts: 342 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 39476
| Posted: 5:51 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
I absolutely hate OW f'ng guts. She was a willing participant out to ruin my life. Like another person posted, she better see me first. Oh, that felt good to say.
As I have so often said, my Christian view of forgiveness would be that of Jesus. The LTA would be removed from my heart and mind. Thus, I should be willing to treat both of them as though the A never happened.
There ain't a snowballs chance in Hell of that happening.
ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years
Both feet pointed forward; positive
Posts: 372 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
Member # 36697
| Posted: 6:04 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
Nope, I don't see any reason too. I'm not religious and I sort of like the idea of another "man" looking over his shoulder.
Posts: 1556 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
Member # 38879
| Posted: 6:17 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
I will never "forgive" OW. She was not a "friend" (obviously) but knew me and my kids. She encouraged my WH to leave and take up with her. Told him how she could take care of him and make him happy. Meanwhile, I'm working full time, paying the bills, cooking the food, doing the laundry, runnign OUR kids to everything!, etc. She was NOT taking care of him in any way that mattered. They were just F*cking.
If she was on fire, I would not stop to piss on her. I *may* go get marshmallows.
Ignore? Forget? Hate? All of those.
BS (me) - early 50's
WH (him)- mid 50's
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling. Still waiting for a timeline.
Married 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
4/14 Trying to make it thru each day
Posts: 196 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
Member # 55
| Posted: 6:24 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
I will never ever forgive the OM. In talking with him, he was of the attitude that people, meaning my wife, can do whatever they want to, it is their choice.
So, since I knew that is how he felt, than I guessed he was of the same attitude after I did what I did.
Posts: 3494 | Registered: Jun 2002
Member # 42276
| Posted: 6:40 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
I don't know that I will ever forgive, truly, the OW.
I do know that I don't waste my time and energy with hating her. She's too damn pathetic for that, really.
Seriously, the woman is in her 30s, homeless, and has no friends or family willing to help her get a place because she keeps getting evicted. No one wants to co-sign and since she's a slob no one wants to be her roommate.
Why would I waste energy hating that? Trust her? Never in a million goddamn years, but hate her? Nope.
Posts: 95 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ New Member
Member # 42669
| Posted: 10:57 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014|
I hope I can get to the point one day where I can not let the APs get to me but for the mean time they piss me off. I did have an incident with one after a few too many on a holiday last year. I don't know if I could ever forgive them but I do hope to get to the point where I don't think of them as anything. These women are disgusting human beings, and I don't ever feel bad for calling them whores, only for the fact that it is completely true. I just try and have faith in karma and know one day they will get what is coming to them.
I do appreciate the book recommendations, I will try and check those out! Thanks!
Posts: 14 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Southern California
Member # 19772
| Posted: 12:10 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
Initially, I defined forgiveness incorrectly. I saw it as accepting what someone (OW and XH in this case) did as 'okay' and kinda like saying - you suck, but you win. I will give you a pass? It's all cool...
I read that forgiving would be such a help and release; I wanted that. I tried, but I always felt like I was being a puss by just 'accepting' what happened. I wanted an apology, I felt like I could say I forgive you if AP was ever sorry. Or even if XH was. Neither were, so I struggled with forgiving for a long time.
I looked it up now, this is what Merriam-Webster says:
Forgive, to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)
: to stop feeling anger about (something) : to forgive someone for (something wrong)
I do feel that. It's been years now and I have learned to live with it, I have 'sucked it up' and accepted it all (XH married OW, she's like my kids' stepmom and all). It doesn't help to hold onto anger, especially for someone that doesn't even know you're mad (or shit, that you exist. OW acts like I'm so beneath her, LOL!)
Posts: 14320 | Registered: Jun 2008
Member # 41947
| Posted: 5:30 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
I can understand hating AP if they are friends, neighbors, or people who know you and add to the disrespect by interacting with you like nothing is wrong. In my case, the multiple AP were just guys looking to get laid that did not know me from or have any reason to give a crap about me . And who knows what she told them. Why waste the energy on them.
Posts: 716 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
Member # 42486
| Posted: 6:58 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
Maybe it's still too soon, BUT i hate her and will never forgive her,do not think i ever will. She has caused me so much pain by her own behaviour, herself. I know it takes two but her attitude stunk and still does now, so i don't think i can forgive, forget or stop hating her. hope she soon takes up less room in my head though it drives me insane..
me BS 56yr
Him WS 55yr
Married 34 years 2 sons 4 grandchildren
Posts: 126 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: France
Member # 42093
| Posted: 10:47 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014|
I agree wholeheartedly with "you owe them nothing". I've said this many times to my BF, not that he's ever suggested I forgive her, but I threw it out before he had a chance, just incase he was ever that crazy. She had obligations to herself that she willfully and selfishly ignored. She pursued and tried get him to leave me numerous times and he almost did. Then at the end she tells him she feels horrible about hurting me and if things were different we would've probably been great friends. Really? If she felt so badly for me, she could've reached out to me anytime before or during this and she didn't. Instead she hoarded him, kept pulling him away from me and then when it was obvious he was tired, she then pulls the "look, I have a heart card." I don't owe her a damn thing! I'll never be her buddy, but I do hope she's learned a lesson on playing with fire. But forgiveness? I can give forgiveness to him and he is the only one I owe that to if we want to move forward with us. If she wants to move forward, she needs to forgive herself!
Me - GF (38)
Him - BF (33)
DDay - 08/13
Together 8 Years
Posts: 133 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ New Member
Member # 42718
| Posted: 2:51 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014|
I do not need to forgive her. She never asked for my forgiveness and she is not the one I took vows with. She goes after married men and is hoping to break up a marriage. I do think about her and how someday she will pick the wrong married man. My spouse was a fool who was taken in by a young, con artist and he is the one who betrayed me. She is good at what she does and since she is not about to change my feelings towards her won't either.
BS - 61
WH - 67
Married 18 years
6 grown children between us
Her - 3 yr affair w Asian massage girl barely speaks English only has affairs with committed or married men. Scams all of them.
We are in R Who is this man?
Posts: 11 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 33732
| Posted: 8:11 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014|
It is not quite forgiveness, it is more apathy. I don't have the energy or the mind space to even hate her. She is a non-person. She is someone who if I ever see again I can look right through.
I know for a fact that our attitude drives her nuts. She reaches out once in awhile to try to get reaction. It drives he absolutely batshit crazy when she gets not even cricket sounds but dead silence
So forgiveness, no more than I would have to forgive the dogshit I stepped in on my lawn.
ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R
Posts: 980 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
|Topic Posts: 44|