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Newest Member: LadyS (45361)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I didn't even see this coming
♂ Member
Member # 42682
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can anyone explain why, when I tell her that I will never trust her again and see her heart breaking, I feel an uncontrollable urge to take her in my arms and console her? Why, when I tell her that I have given up on us and it looks like her world has come crashing down around her, I feel like I should be protecting her and not hurting her?

Why do I feel selfish for giving up on our M even though she gave up on it 3 years ago when she started her A's?

I'm not an emotional person and I'm really struggling to deal with these feelings. Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to stop feeling responsible for her pain? Am I just too weak?

If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you always got

Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: UK
♂ Member
Member # 38287
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's because you love her. And there is absolutely no shame, or weakness, in that.

The rollercoaster, as often described on this site, reflects the up and down, back and forth feelings that accompany the recently betrayed. If it makes you feel any better, 2+ years out I still sometimes get pangs of absolute contempt despite a remarkably successful reconciliation.

It is up to your wife to get you off the rollercoaster. I hope that she is up to the task.

"Pain is temporary. Quitting is forever."

Posts: 158 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 42
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