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Newest Member: totalshock46 (44575)

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User Topic: I contacted her
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@TheBestMe....rock and roll! I LOVE your response.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2211 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
cdnmommy
♀ Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


The SI exceptions are wonderful, but this AP is not likely to be one of these exceptions.

I agree. I am just trying to be hopeful for Ladybug. :)


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1732 | Registered: Nov 2010
last.chance65
♀ Member
Member # 15989
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have contacted the OW as well, but not as myself, always as my WH (when I was trying to find out about the last of the details of the A’s and knew I was ready to confront him). With the first OW, they had their stories aligned. After that experience, I texted / emailed the OW from my WH’s email or phone with things like: “Hey luv, how long have I had the pleasure of.. you, again?” or, “Miss you.. What do you miss about me?” The floodgates opened with the latter message. I got more than I bargained for.


M 8 years, 2.5 kids
Many Ddays, Over 15 PAs, S, headed for D

Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.
~ Ok, Done
Did it break?
~ Yes
Now, say “Sorry” to it.
~ “Sorry”
Did it go back to the way it was before?
~ No
Now, do you understand?!


Posts: 598 | Registered: Aug 2007
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pastthelies:

I too am insulted. You act as if we should be super investigators in our marriages. We wouldn't have to be if woman like you stayed out of them.

I don't believe she wanted to know.

She probably didn't...it hurt too much to not trust her husband. Or she had faith and trust, do you really fault her for that? If so, you have a lot of work to do on yourself. You should be able to have faith and trust in your marriage. But, again she shouldn't of had to be in that situation to begin with. A situation that you clearly have proven by your response that it is all about saving face and staying out of the fire to begin with by your responses. Once again, proof that the waywards (spouses and AP's) lie to fit their needs.

Sorry Ladybug0808 to highjack the thread. I sure hope you find your answers. Over time if he is working toward real recovery, the truth will come out. Your WH will realize the more he TT's the harder the R. Good luck.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 931 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Long Gone
♂ Member
Member # 32587
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pass me the duct tape......

my head exploded.....

right off my damn shoulders....

pastthelies.....you are living a lie....completely....absolutely.....totally....


D-Day 11/26/10

Posts: 766 | Registered: Jun 2011
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 2:58 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hopefulmother & Lone Gone...

I already flagged this thread. So instead of calling out a member that was asked to no longer post on this thread, please stay on topic for the original author.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196991 | Registered: May 2002
Long Gone
♂ Member
Member # 32587
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok.....does this mean I can't get the duct tape?


D-Day 11/26/10

Posts: 766 | Registered: Jun 2011
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is a hard situation to be in on both sides.

*snort*

Difference being that one side CHOSE to be in the situation and the other one did not.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6624 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You mean to put over your mouth? Sure


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196991 | Registered: May 2002
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There was a valid point.made up there. ^^^ the loyalty will usually be with the ws by the ap. My experience was just that. Ow lied to protect ws, after all she had nothing to lose from me, except him. By lying, she tried to put me at ease, thus making me think all was good and they could carry on. I'm sure she didn't want to get involved or have an irate bs bothering her. It was in her best interest to lie. Not the right thing to do but I guess what I should have expected.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4862 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I contacted OW and never got a response. I even waited nearly 3 months to do it. I don't know what took me so long but I thought if anything, it was a good thing, because I hoped at that point if she did have any loyalties to my WBF, maybe they'd be gone?

I know for for certain that my WBF never had contact with her again after DDAY, so to me that means that she chose to not answer me for whatever reason. I could have continued trying to contact her but I guess I didn't want to lose self respect for myself by showing her how upset I was, or that she was even a thought in my mind still. (I speak ONLY for myself and am not saying anyone else lacks self respect)

My WBF saw OW a total of 3 times over the course of almost 2 months. So maybe it was because they hadn't formed any kind of attachment (does that make sense?) and when shit hit the fan she probably didn't give a rats ass about either of us.

Anyways - Even if she HAD answered me, who knows what she would have said. Could of been all lies, or could have been the truth. I would guess that it all depends on the person.


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The MOW in our sitch lied right through her teeth. I found out all info on my own. It really sucked the life out of me. MOW's loyalty was to my WH not to me. She wanted my life and felt like I had ruined my M and she deserved my WH. I agree with whomever said the OW's loyalty is with the MM.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been asking WH when the last time they saw each other was. He continues to tell me that the last time they slept together was November 2012.

You didn't ask when was last time they slept together, you asked the last time they saw each other. He didn't answer your question.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2923 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
MoonLitSmile
♀ Member
Member # 24746
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

However she responds, verify if you can. In my case, the FOW lied, lied and then lied some more...


Me- 40
FWH- 40 recovering SA

Her- 43, a self-centered bitch concerned with no one but herself

DDay- July 13, 2013

Back off man- I'm a scientist!
~ Dr. Peter Venkman


Posts: 720 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Southeastern PA
Topic Posts: 34
Pages: 1 · 2

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