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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wow. Just...wow! ▶long
damnUnicorns
♀ Member
Member # 42691
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks you two for the advice. Honestly, I CAN'T MOVE in any case. Seriously, I really have NO WHERE to go.
He's using that fact to intimidate me. However, I was abused by my dad/step mom and I refuse to ever go through that again. It will NOT get physical. If it goes there the game changes immeasurably. The bitch boots will come out AND the shit will hit the fan!

I do see that I need to cultivate friendships as well as ramp up my job search. Time feels like it's running out. I am working on those items. I admit.... It's hard& I feel frozen. This is not easy for me in the best of times. Right now it feels impossible . Friends are so scary to me now... how do I trust people after this?

OW must have talked to him (before marrying her current wife 12 years ago, she was married to & divorced from, a husband who was abusive).
H told me this morning if I buy groceries he will pay the mortgage/bills.
Hmmm. The sudden switch makes me suspicious.
I went and pulled $ cash from my account & hid it.
This is enough to either file/get a tank of gas/ cheap motel/ dog & people food for a few days if I had to leave super fast.
If I don't file I have even more time using that money & be away from home.
Daughter will help too ,where she can.
I'm trying not to file.#1 because it's not what I want, #2 because it week complicate things, I think.
Maybe I should consult another lawyer though.

We are scrambling to come up with a plan. It's just hard without any real financial plan. If he buys me out of the house, that'd help. .. but it's still hard to plan because I don't have set in stone amounts.

Anyway. He's off with OW today at the movies, going to the lake by her house (he claims he's going alone... yeah. That's why the text bomb night/morning with OW & going to the lake that's 10 min. from her/her wife's second home).
At least D & I have our house to ourselves for a bit.

THANKS for the thought provoking posts. I appreciate the input. And the support... it's nice to know I'm not crazy in thinking this is BS the way I'm being treated.

[This message edited by damnUnicorns at 6:52 AM, March 12th (Wednesday)]


Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey - delete the location of the emergency cash out of your post above. Don't want to take a chance WH somehow sees it. Don't tempt fate, you know?

Be strong.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Aug 2013
damnUnicorns
♀ Member
Member # 42691
Shutup  Posted: 6:50 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. Didn't even think about that.
Moved it too!


Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
damnUnicorns
♀ Member
Member # 42691
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So after Dday there was a slow down on texts between these two most days... but the last few days it's back to 100s a day. WH doesn't know I know.
WH thinks he's slick.... or really doesn't care anymore. Probably some of both.

I want to let the OW wife know what she's up to!
I can't deal with a phone call.
I do have her work email.
How do I do this?
I don't want to cause more problems here right this second, but I think the OWW should know what's going on.

I was thinking anonymous email?
What would I write?
This is awful.

[This message edited by damnUnicorns at 5:48 AM, March 13th (Thursday)]


Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
damnUnicorns
♀ Member
Member # 42691
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another question I'd love advice on...H makes a LOT of sexual advances & comments. I thought I was pretty obvious that I DO NOT want to sleep with him. I have accepted 2 hugs since Dday2. 1 I bawled through & he just held me. Today another , this one degenerated to groping which I physically moved away from. I've even told him (during an argument) that I didn't intend to be "convenient p-$$ y" since he wants a D & has been occasionally cruel & basically been acting add if he could care less that our relationship is ending.

I have to live with him for awhile & we CAN still get along at times (good since our daughter lives here too).
How can I rebuff him in as "friendly" a way as possible?
I don't want war. . But I want sex with him while he's with this OW even less!

[This message edited by damnUnicorns at 4:36 PM, March 13th (Thursday)]


Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When he tries to touch you, just give him the Heisman and *the look*. If he pushes you about it by telling you "it's okay" or <whatever>, tell him that the 2 of you are divorcing and his *need* for physical touch needs to be handled by his new bedwarmer.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7916 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
damnUnicorns
♀ Member
Member # 42691
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I usually physically have to get up & walk away.
I have to pull my clothes down or block body parts too. Lots of times he comes into the bedroom when I'm in bed clothes.
Feels so weird now. I'm very uncomfortable.
"Dirty Looks" don't help... neither do comments like "you need to go take a cold shower" , etc.

Then, when I do get to the point that he's pestered me enough that I walk away, he's angry with me the rest of the day.

Why does he still want sex with me? Convenience I suppose.
He doesn't want me, or the rest of me, anyway.
I'm not into casual sex. .. Especially with someone who has betrayed my deepest trust & feelings... who seems to have NOT a single care that he's hurting me!

I figure that's what I'll tell him next time.

[This message edited by damnUnicorns at 12:55 AM, March 14th (Friday)]


Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
damnUnicorns
♀ Member
Member # 42691
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I'm just journaling now.

Omg. He crawled into bed with me lady night at midnight.

I was dead asleep. He held me awhile, which was nice. Been a long time since he's given me anything that felt like caring affection.... then he made his move. I shot him down by saying I felt ill.

Well, it wasn't a lie. I do feel ill ...& disrespected when he's trying to use me as an easy lay. It's very very cruel & devalues our entire relationship that all I am to him is an easy piece of ass, after I spent 27 years deeply loving him.

He fell asleep shortly after & I was awake most of the night. I finally drifted off & he got up at 5am and went back to the other bedroom.

Really nice, man.

[This message edited by damnUnicorns at 7:59 AM, March 14th (Friday)]


Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
damnUnicorns
♀ Member
Member # 42691
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, well, He just left to"see the guys from work". Funny, I know all those people moved away (from what he told me before Dday).

He's really with the OW.
DISRESPECTFUL! It totally sucks knowing every time he meets up with her. I guess he doesn't notice the pattern.
H always leaves just after 10am & returns by 2:30. OW's free time , since she's laid off too, while HER wife is at work.

What's with EVERY tv show I watch having someone by her name on it too?
Not getting advice anymore so I guess I should just learn to accept the situation for the duration of the time I'm living here.
But it's soul crushing. It devalues our whole marriage. I feel worthless, as if I wad never loved. It hurts to look at our kids & know this is what it's all come down to.
no, I want the perfect wife, we didn't have the perfect relationship. But fur a LONG time we WERE best friends , enjoyed eachother & had a good life.
That is all gone now & even those memories bring more pain than comfort.

I am not the only one he's cutting out if his life. His best guy friend of 35 years & his mother also. H used to be "the favorite" as his brothers teased. Now his mom said straight to him he's not anymore, because he barely keeps in touch. I wonder how she's going to feel once she finds out he cheated (she is very religious) & actually took the OW to her house as a "friend" back when we first separated.


I still wonder if this is MID LIFE crisis. Not that that helps me any to know. But it sure seems like it grim what I've read.

[This message edited by damnUnicorns at 1:20 PM, March 14th (Friday)]


Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
damnUnicorns
♀ Member
Member # 42691
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was hoping for help, guidance & support here on SI.

I guess there is a reason I'm not getting it.

Too emotional maybe? I dunno.

But thanks to those who did reply.
I'm still reading others' posts. I get a lot of reading those too.


Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
Topic Posts: 50
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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