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User Topic: t/j Porn and masturbation tmi
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok this is going into the realm of TMI. I watch Porn on occasion. I use an incognito tab to do so but if someone asked me if I did I would tell them the truth. I have others who use my comp and look at my phone and would rather they not see the last time I looked. I go on find one that works and close it down. I dont always need it and my use of it has definitely increased since x SO and I broke up. Sometimes I go awhile without it then I realize im sexually frustrated and go watch it or masturbate. Yes I know TMI.

So here's the thing, ever since reading here especially on the porn threads I have started to feel guilty for even thinking of watching it and then when I do or even if I dont and just masturbate it makes me feel icky. I do not want to feel guilty for having a sexual appetite, but I do. I am going to try to stop watching porn starting today. Maybe it'll make me feel better about myself sexually, maybe I am over thinking it.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2639 | Registered: Oct 2012
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it sucks that was ruined for you. Do what you have to do to be comfortable in your own skin.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7363 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You shouldn't feel guilty for having a sex drive.

But maybe if you learned the truth about the porn industry, you might not find it so arousing after all.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9293 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Jovie
♀ Member
Member # 41956
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There does seem to be an influx of porn posts lately. Personally, I don't see the big deal (obviously barring extreme circumstances which a lot of the posts seem to be about). But as long as it's not an obsession, or interfering with other parts of your life, I don't understand the hang up. It doesn't sound like its a problem for you so I think you should relax and enjoy it. Or maybe there is some kind of underlying problem since you seem to be concerned about it?


Me - WW, 33
Him - BH, 37
Dday - 12/16/13

Posts: 211 | Registered: Jan 2014
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No underlying problems. I watch porn, I dont fantasize about myself doing what I see, its an erotic stimuli. I think alot has to do with the fact that these posters have made some sense about sexual intimacy part of it. I am trying to get to my healthy and exploring every nuance along the way. NG I think my learning about some of what goes on in the industry lends to it.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2639 | Registered: Oct 2012
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry that you have been made to feel guilty.
I believe that modest use of porn for your own pleasure when you have no prior history of abuse or addiction I se absolutely nothing wrong with it.

We as humans have normal needs and desires. Masturbation is normal and healthy. Porn and porn like art has existed since the beginning of time practically.

Don't stop embracing your sexuality and enjoy who you are.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7799 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry that you have been made to feel guilty.
I believe that modest use of porn for your own pleasure when you have no prior history of abuse or addiction I se absolutely nothing wrong with it.

I agree!

I understand reading about the problems people are having in their relationships because of porn can make it less attractive and more skeevy.

What alarms me is that you are feeling guilty for masturbating without using porn. I hope you are able to work through these feelings. A person with a healthy sex life shouldn't feel guilty about it.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson


Posts: 709 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
MissMouseMo
♀ Member
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Try not to feel guilty. Porn is arousing and arousing can be fun! Yes, even alone.

But only if you're ok with yourself.

Like I would tell you not to listen to anyone who would persuade *toward* porn that made you uncomfortable, I would encourage you to listen to yourself.

Like you & NG point out though, a lot of porn exploits women and young people who are ill-equipped to be making these potentially life-altering choices. I recommend you specifically seek porn created by reputable directors. They're out there. Nina Hartley is an old-school feminist porn advocate I remember and is at least one name to start with.

And now for the platitude portion of our show:
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Don't borrow other people's problems.
Trust your gut. (Need I go on? :-)


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 253 | Registered: Feb 2013
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Youre all making a lot of sense...I need some time to think an explore.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2639 | Registered: Oct 2012
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've always felt like it was a great tool....I certainly spent a lot of time as a girl living at home searching out the secret stashes my parents and brothers had! And then when we got the internet....well. I don't feel it has impacted my ability to be intimate at all and don't think there is any need to be guilty.

If you worry about the exploitation in the industry or the way sex/gender roles are portrayed on camera, I recommend looking around for some written erotica as a substitute. That does the trick as well and since you're visualizing everything yourself maybe you would feel less conflicted?

Obviously don't keep using it if you have qualms or it is making you feel bad but personally....I just don't find any of the porn threads relevant and I don't even read them, it's just not something I feel conflicted about.

We are all different but there is certainly no need to apologize to anyone for your needs and your own particular sex drive, however it manifests itself. (Well...obviously I exclude wayward thinking/behavior from that. But for someone with proper boundaries I believe it is true).


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3734 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need not look far into my posts and see my stance on porn......consensual, hidden, therapist recommended, or a mixture.....all have destructive components of varying degrees.

Still standing and Tush nurse ( 2 of my fav SI members) make a strong case the other way. Keep in mind that my wife was deeply hurt by my use of porn, I was too. It was not hidden from her and we used it together . We did not tell each other each time when we used it solo, i used it far more than her . We still had sex 2-4 times a week for most of our marriage. So by many in society we would have been "ok". We are just now starting to see how "not ok" porn was on our marriage.


Since it is a personal decision....and I changed my choice now....how about this helpful tool.

Stop for 6 weeks and see how you feel.

If no change .... You only lost 6 weeks of activity .

If a change is noted....see if you like the change and then choose again.

We always have choices.

Are you currently sexually active with your spouse?

Peace .

[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:20 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Topic Posts: 11

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