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Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: T/j dating again
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The post asking about when the desire to date again will crop up had me thinking and I wanted to tell a little story about one good reason why you shouldn't date and jump into something before you're ready.

I have a good friend who has been D for years, not due to infidelity. Since the D she's had a few relationships, the last one ending about two years ago. She's been wanting to meet someone so we convinced her to try OLD.

She meets a guy. He seemed nice enough, but she told me that he had only been S for 4 months and his D was not final. He told her his stbxww had an A. I tried my best to warn her and to convince her to ask the uncomfortable questions about why he felt he was ready, what he was looking for, how he thought he was healed, etc. she either didn't ask or he had a good enough answer for every question.

She stuck around and he love bombed her for a few weeks. Things got very intense very fast. He started talking to her about "we" and "us" and convinced her to fly across the country with him for a vacation. Now, I get that she didn't slow it down and we've talked about why she thought the love bombing was in any way healthy, but he was definitely the aggressor.

All of a sudden, she gets the sense that he's pulling back. After ignoring her requests to talk, he finally sends her a text that he got in too deep too quickly and isn't ready for a relationship.

He's broken right now. He's no where near healed and, in the quest to just have life go ack to normal, he hurt an innocent, lovely person who was genuinely ready for a relationship. Luckily, it didn't last too long and he didn't continue to use her because it was easy. But, at the same time, this was her first OLD experience, she really did like him, and she feels sad and rejected now.

My point in all of this is that no matter when you think you're ready, remember to be honest with yourself, go slow, and try your best not to use another innocent person to make yourself feel better.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2811 | Registered: Jan 2011
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh no!! I meant to post this in NB. Can a mod please help?


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2811 | Registered: Jan 2011
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Moving to NB.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44804 | Registered: Sep 2006
Topic Posts: 3

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