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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: tired of the nightmares
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 6:06 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

they always come in two's. One last night and the night before. One that he went to a party without me and met someone. Last night's was excrutiating as it was about OW1 being at the same hotel as us and then he wanted to put her phone number back in his phone. And I dreamt my best friend went and sat by her on the bleachers as we were watching a game.

Their kids actually go to the same Catholic school and they probably run into each other. He held me the first night but I didn't want him to touch me this morning, although I told him about it.
FTS.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5344 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They are tiring!!!! Wouldn't it be wonderful to sleep for 8 hours with no nightmares! Drives me crazy too, I remember them so vividly and usually tell fwh. I understand the not wanting him to touch you, sometimes I feel they are his fault.

I happen to be sitting here in the living room by myself in the early morning with the lights on trying to ward off any nightmares, it's like I can feel them coming now. I truly hope you will have a calm, peaceful day and maybe be able to take a nice power nap with zero dreams/nightmares!
Take care


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 496 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
olwen
♀ Member
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 6:25 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's so hard isn't it!

They do tend to come in patterns, for me it's about 3x a week. At first they were horrific, then they went away for a while but as we entered A season the end of last month they have started again.

They seriously suck.

Sometimes I let fwh hold me, other times I think don't you dare touch me!

I saw one of those 'funny' cartoons on face book and it makes me sick every time I see it.

Man and woman in bed, he is snoring, she wakes up and wakes him up, he says what's wrong and she lays into him, 'you cheated in my dream!' He lays there looking shocked and baffled, like 'but I didn't do anything!

Not so funny when it really happened

I struggle with that as I was always scared of him cheating even though he gave me no reason to worry back then and I would get so upset by the dreams - at the time he was totally faithful and we were happily married but I was very insecure.

I remember the first one after dday. It hit me like a sledge hammer that I could no longer say oh it's ok it was a dream, it didn't really happen . . . because now it was my reality.

It was an awful feeling.

[This message edited by olwen at 6:27 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]


Together 19yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr2013 pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = latest tt 30/7/14

Posts: 804 | Registered: Jul 2013
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it was my wife that cheated. with lots of people, in lots of different ways, and over an extended period of time. i had TT over a 7 month period with it all (i think) finally coming out around mid january of this year.
ive gone through
- sleeping well at night only to be awaken by nightmarish mind movies of what she did and dark dreams that she is still doing it or will again in the future.
- laying awake most of the night thinking about it all.
- and a combination of laying awake and then getting nightmares when i do sleep.

im lucky to get 3 hours of sleep a night. the lack of sleep is starting to take a real toll on my mind and body.

i read on another thread that it eventually fades and real sleep starts to come again.
i cant wait for that day to come although it sounds pretty F'ed up to say that i cant wait for my mind to finally accept the fact that my wife cheated on me repeatedly.

[This message edited by william at 6:34 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jan 2014
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm finally starting to sleep better but the nightmares are hard. I had one the other night that was so vivid and horrible. The kind that sticks with you all day even though you know it was just a dream. I went downstairs and just cried. I'm hoping they fade too.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
yoshi7268
♀ Member
Member # 35519
Default  Posted: 2:40 AM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 30 months out or so and still have nightmares.
Sadly, Mr. Yoshis second affair brought back the nightmares from his first affair. yay me.

A few times I would wake up from those nightmares to Mr. Yoshi holding me and whispering " It's okay, I'm here with you, I love you so much. "
That helps so much!

Now I try really hard to push past and not let Mr. Yoshi know. Not because I think he won't support me, because I know he would, and he does, but because I'm feeling stronger and can mostly get through on my own. Not always, but most of the time.

They hurt. They used to bring me to my knees.

Time has helped. I still have them occasionally but they are fewer and further between.

Saying a prayer for you rachelc for those horrible dreams to stop.

I just hope they aren't a forever thing. For all of us.


ME-BS-41 WH-45
Married 23 years-together 27
5 beautiful children ages 15-25
Dday1-late June 2011
Dday2-early July 2011
Dday3- early August 2011
Another affair 7 years before.
R going well

Posts: 280 | Registered: May 2012 | From: yoshi7268
KatyDo
♀ Member
Member # 41245
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get the nightmares too. On another sad note, sometimes I wish this whole experience was just a bad dream I could wake up from :(.


Married 7 years, together for 14
Me: BS Him: chronic boundary issues, EA for 2 years, DD Spring 2013

Posts: 194 | Registered: Nov 2013
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hubby has them too. Thing is, our dreams are pretty much uncontrollable. While we can direct our daytime thoughts elsewhere, we can't with dreams.
And they'd be with us divorced or together I'm thinking.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5344 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine have gotten better. I've only had about 8 to 10 of them within the last year. I used to have a few nightmares a week. I'm hoping they continue to space out even further, but I doubt if they will ever permanently go away.

Hugs and strength to all of you struggling with this.


Posts: 7654 | Registered: Dec 2010
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you looked into lucid dreaming?


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7495 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't... what should I know about it..?


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5344 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Lola88
♀ Member
Member # 41540
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

14 weeks since d-day and nightmares are getting harder to ignore.

I woke him up two nights ago screaming "fuck off" and "leave me alone" - he was more frightened than I was once I was awake, but I felt so scared.

Is it worth it?


Posts: 127 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: UK
peoplepleaser
♀ Member
Member # 41535
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was told a long time ago that our dreams are ways for our mind to practice our emotions and test out situations we fear in our conscious state. It's an interesting perspective and it helps me to navigate or cope with them. I'll know when I feel secure again because they will stop. I fear how long that will take.


WS: 39
BS: 39
DS: 6
9 year relationship
DDay #1: September 6, 2013 EA for 5 weeks August 2013 with TT
DDay #2: January 2, 2014 EA for 6 weeks summer 2011 with TT
"I am still learning." -Michelangelo

Posts: 733 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Midwest
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

was told a long time ago that our dreams are ways for our mind to practice our emotions and test out situations we fear in our conscious state

This. I'm afraid I'll be betrayed by my friend if she interacts with OW1. Another betrayal. This town is too small... she knows who she is but says she's never met her. I'm practicing what I'll do if it happens..

It appears loyalty is really important to me.

[This message edited by rachelc at 8:55 PM, March 9th (Sunday)]


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5344 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 14

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