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User Topic: Facebook poking
ReaganT
♀ Member
Member # 29747
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH keeps poking women on Facebook. Of course, he doesn't know I know this because he doesn't know I know his FB password. He does know I know about one woman who was poking him because the notification came through by email (he has since changed that email setting). When I asked him about this, he LIED about poking her. I didn't call him out about it because I would have to confess to having his password. Now, he and a different woman keep poking each other and have private messaged one another about liking a good poke! UGH!!

Am I overreacting? I don't find it appropriate for a married man to be poking single women on FB. I've been poked by men but I just delete the poke, never have poked back and have never initiated a poking session with anyone!


BS (Me - 38)
WS (Husband - 42)
Married - 12 yrs; 17 yrs together
1 child (9)
Working on R

Posts: 154 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Maine
TrustedHer
♂ Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to google "facebook poke". People in my world don't use it, even though I'm a regular FB user.

What is he, 12?

What's your boundary here?

You know he's being inappropriate with other women.

What is your action going to be? What are you willing to put up with? Is he on the slippery slope? (Yes.)


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5134 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The poking isn't as much of a concern as the fact that he doesn't have his account open to you.

Boundaries can be worked on. Keeping secrets from your spouse, especially secrets about other women is an issue.

And yeah, while all of MrH's accounts are open to me, I'd be upset with him FB poking women.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 10:25 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11109 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Am I overreacting? I don't find it appropriate for a married man to be poking single women on FB. I

poking? Is he 13? yep, inappropriate and private messages about liking a good poke?

I'd play my hand with a copy of all that crap in addition to a divorce filing. He wants to be single.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4704 | Registered: Dec 2010
ReaganT
♀ Member
Member # 29747
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, all! Glad to know I'm not overreacting here. I've put it to him so many times, don't do something you wouldn't want me doing. Guess there are lots of things I should start doing! This poking and messaging is just a minute part of all that he does. Might as well start trying to enoy life. Right?

I know this marriage is over. I've known it for a long time. Honestly, the only reason I'm still here is in an attempt to give my daughter a stable home. This man is NEVER going to change, I'm well aware of that. He's proven it time and time again. I know what I need to do but . . .

I'm an idiot for being in it as long as I have. Hindsight - I should have filed those divorce papers years ago. My life would be so different right now. Maybe, I would actually be happy instead of a stressed out basket case!


BS (Me - 38)
WS (Husband - 42)
Married - 12 yrs; 17 yrs together
1 child (9)
Working on R

Posts: 154 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Maine
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that poking is inappropriate, and honestly a little immature. My xwBF traded pokes back and forth with some girl, and I didn't like it at all. It was made worse by the fact that he would have flipped out if a guy poked me, because he always used to tell me that guys don't do stuff like that unless they are interested in you. So yeah, I don't think you're overreacting.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1112 | Registered: Jul 2013
slide095
♀ Member
Member # 38716
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with previous posters, what in the hell is the point, can anything positive be gained by 'poking' a single woman? Or anyone?


BW, 31, two young kids

One day at a time....


Posts: 58 | Registered: Mar 2013
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gently - IMHO, if he is poking random women on facebook, (how immature!) you are not in R. This behavior is inappropriate. He is cake eating.


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
JaneDeaux
♀ Member
Member # 42630
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Facebook was my WH's modus operandi for most of his EA/PAs. If you think it's wrong it is wrong. I happen to agree with you because in my mind Facebook in the hands of a serial cheater is just a bad idea.


We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. Kenji Miyazawa

Posts: 56 | Registered: Mar 2014
ReaganT
♀ Member
Member # 29747
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OH MY GOD!!!! I just got home after working a 12 hour day and take a peek at WH's facebook. He has been "poking" this woman all day and they have been sending flirty messages back and forth about it!!!!! WTF? I'm so discussed right now!! She also, conveniently, is looking for someone to maybe do some work for her that just so happens to be what my WH does for work!!! I'm just grossed right out!!

[This message edited by ReaganT at 7:16 PM, March 8th (Saturday)]


BS (Me - 38)
WS (Husband - 42)
Married - 12 yrs; 17 yrs together
1 child (9)
Working on R

Posts: 154 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Maine
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ReaganT - Print the messages and hide them in a safe place, you might need them later!

confront him and KICK HIS ASS OUT! What the hell is he thinking?


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
ReaganT
♀ Member
Member # 29747
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took screen shots of everything and emailed them to myself. They will be added to the trove of messages I have from his affair with, as I like to call her, skank whore. Guess how that affair started? Yep, through Facebook!!



BS (Me - 38)
WS (Husband - 42)
Married - 12 yrs; 17 yrs together
1 child (9)
Working on R

Posts: 154 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Maine
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah...sometimes I hate technology! How did cheating happen back in olden' times? Would you write the lass some snail mail and wait 2 weeks to get a reply? lol

With facebook and all the messaging apps they have for cell phones (that don't show up on your cell phone bill), It's so easy to cheat these days!

Sorry for your pain!


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
ReaganT
♀ Member
Member # 29747
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, 4ever.

I know what you mean. It is all too easy these days and way too tempting for some. However, despite all of this technology, I've never once let another man's dick near me in the WAY TOO MANY years WH and I have been together! Silly, me.


BS (Me - 38)
WS (Husband - 42)
Married - 12 yrs; 17 yrs together
1 child (9)
Working on R

Posts: 154 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Maine
ReaganT
♀ Member
Member # 29747
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also went and changed the email settings so his FB notifications will now be sent by email to an account we both use. Now, if she messages or pokes, I will have an email of it and don't have to give away the fact I have his FB password. Poke away, Bitch!


BS (Me - 38)
WS (Husband - 42)
Married - 12 yrs; 17 yrs together
1 child (9)
Working on R

Posts: 154 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Maine
jadedheart
♀ Member
Member # 32046
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"poke away bitch"

If there was a "like" button on SI I would hit it for this!

Stay strong girl!


Me 45
FWH 47
DS11, DD18, DS21(they know nothing about A)
Married 23 years together 25
Dday 09/24/2010
"You can't control how others behave, you can only control your reaction."

Posts: 980 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Indiana
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Better yet…just confront him. Cut to the chase. Tell him this needs to stop immediately so that you can feel safe in your marriage. There is NO NEED for him to interact with any person in this way.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 864 | Registered: Jun 2013
phoenixrise
♀ Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell no you aren't over reacting! What an ass completely out of line and disrespectful after what he did to you...the first thing we did was close our fb accounts because cheating spouses obviously have no self control and can't keep members of the opposite sex as just friends...for me I would pack up and leave...major slap in the face...also major red flags and secrecy with the password non sense and more lies he should be transparent...tell him close the damn account or I'm out...he isn't taking you as seriously as he should


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex used to do it all the time... I never had a problem either that. But lying about it and saying he didn't...hell yeah that's wrong


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 534 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to tell you real quick your husband is seriously immature and an attention whore. After DDay I forbid facebook from ever being on any of our mobile devices or home pc or reconciling was off the table.

You are not over reacting at all. As a matter of fact I'd be livid if I were you. I suggest that you may let him know that facebook is something you don't approve of him using and if he wants to make his marriage work then he will promptly delete his account and all other types of bullshit that he's up to.

I have a serious hate for social media and facebook because my wife used them to facilitate affairs. I hope you explode on him and rain on his parade. You should send him a "poke" and let him know how the cow eats the corn.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 588 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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