Lies like that is what wrecked everything in the first place. I can't believe she doesn't understand that, and I can't believe that, after the first time I angrily and firmly told her I would never do something like that, she keeps suggesting it. Now I'm torn between talking to her for advice (she's been cheated on/divorced before) and avoiding her because of her insistance that I "even the score" when my BS hurts me.
There is no score. Yes, some things BS does hurt me. But I also hurt him. Has anyone else dealt with this, and how do you handle it?
[This message edited by Neveragain1221 at 3:10 PM, March 8th (Saturday)]
I'm not at all suggesting that you cut your mother out of your life, but is there a "friend of the marriage" that can be your go-to person for venting and talk about your marriage?
Come here, or talk to an IC.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
I'd consider that, perhaps, she doesn't mean well.
I agree that it's time to stop sharing certain things with her.
I can't control her but I can establish a cautious and protected relationship with her, which I have done.
Good luck as this is NOT easy. As the old adage goes, you can chose your friends, but your family...they're here to stay.
I guess I'll just keep posting here, and talking only to the MC.
We have a rule that anyone who is not a friend of the marriage is not a friend, period.
For example, she asked me how things were after seeing Facebook pics from the weekend that were us at church and then the zoo as a family. Said "you look happy, how is it going?" I said things were going good that day and I was happy. She immediately had to dampen it and say "well, you know there will be ups and downs. This was an up so prepare yourself for the down". I don't find that constructive at all. I think I know we are on a roller coaster and I am trying to enjoy the good. Ugh.
So I have limited talking to her about my marriage. As a woman that can be hard, I know. It's your mom. But I don't consider my mom a friend of the marriage right now. I won't cut her from my life, but I can't talk to her on marriage issues.
So that was a long way for me to tell you I empathize on you with having a mother who is making this all that much harder.
I have cut many, many friends out of my life because of this. Looking back, I realize a lot of them weren't very good friends to have. There are a few of them I'd still like to see again, but I won't. They aren't friends of the relationship.