He fired me from caring.
Forgiveness doesn't mean fellowship in my opinion. We don't need to speak for me to pray for you or wish you the best.
So if someone is able to move on from a marriage and never speak to their ex spouse again that means they have no soul?
If you change the "ex spouse" to "child(ren)" and that person walks away from their kids...yes, IMO, they have no soul.
However, if you do any research, you'll find that true, lasting, sustained personality change is so rare as to be nearly nonexistent. (Do some reading on fMRI, behavioral psychology, twin studies, personality types, etc. It's super eye-opening.)
That's why you see so much False R and repeat D-Days -- sometimes they can pretend to change for years or even decades, but it's really hard to forever change something so fundamental about yourself (core values such as integrity, honesty, etc.)
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
Is ex-shat better off without me? Well sure he is...no one is there to tell him no, put the brakes on his idiot ideas, pull him back from the brink.
He jumped out of the plane and I'm sure free-fall feels pretty fucking awesome. For awhile there is nothing but adrenaline and power and elation. But eventually the ground starts looming large and wouldn't you know it...the fucker forgot his parachute.
Don't think for a moment that he's got it all and he's better off. He's fucked. You have the means to take control, heal, and be better off.
Trust me, two years out from leaving me, his free-fall is spent and ex-shat is seconds from crashing. But he'll do what all the unremorseful waywards to...he'll look for the next adrenaline rush, the next fix. And to the world...for a little while...it will look like he's better off again. But he's not. He's just trapped in a never ending cycle.
We aren't though. We have the power to free ourselves and be better off.
I say this because I had these same thoughts. My ex married his AP and they live in a big house together. From the outside it looks like roses and it pisses me off.
But then one day, I realized how much better off I am, even if I am single. I can do things without criticism. I can be myself. (My ex was always saying things like I'm not a morning person-I like to read, etc.) Sounds like he just didn't like me. Maybe he didn't. So I am better off.
I also started dating and discovered how people can treat me nice. Much nicer. I think I'm better off taking my chances. Even now, I look for things to be wrong with who I'm dating. Indications that they will become abusive, etc. But what if I really am better off with someone else? what if he's really not my soulmate? What if it took this painful thing for me to realize what I really deserve? How about you? what if you needed this sucky experience to realize what you really need in a relationship? What if this is all a step to something so much better than you ever imagined? It might be. I'm just sayin.
and then if you want karma, what if down the road a few years, you are the happy one? It may seem like he's got this great life with the OW, but relationships are not without challenges. It's just you won't see the difficult times. What's even worse, in my case what if she stays with him cuz she thinks he's her soulmate and he really isn't? What if she lives for misery for years? Healthy people with good self esteem don't have affairs. But now to protect their egos, they may believe they have to make it work.
The truth is, you dont really know what their relationship is like. And if they are having problems, they won't be telling you. But you can work on your own issues or what mistakes you made (even if it's why you chose him.)and then you will be a healthier partner for your next relationship. That's how I'm looking at it.