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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: This is just pure hell!
twillett333
♀ Member
Member # 42121
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since WH and i are spending some time apart and we only have one car we are sharing it right now. He came over this morning to drop it off and we got into another argument because i wanted a decison from him on whether he wants to stay in this marriage or not.

He was really really mean today something that i didnt expect from him. He said that i dont appreciate him and he is just going to treat me like crap. He said that since the car is in his name he doesnt have to let me take it and that he is going to take the kids away from me. He apologized after and said he didnt mean that and he was just mad. He said im a great mom....seriously why does he think he can do this shit to me?

So im going to see a lawyer tuesday to see what all my options are and what will happen in case this ends badly.

Im just so hurt and the pain is almost unbearable. I dont know how to get through this...


BS (me) 29
WH (him) 29
D-day January 14 ,2014
D-day #2 March 15, 2014
Married 9 years
Together for 11
Two children ages 7&2
Reconciling

*Finding my strength*


Posts: 74 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Louisiana
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Knowledge is power.

Here's a knowledge-nugget for you:
Louisiana is a community property state. So, with a few exceptions, any property obtained during the marriage with marital funds is considered property of the 'marriage', regardless of whose name is on the title.
So, most likely, that car is JUST as much yours as it is his and YOU have just as much right to have possession of it as he does.

And you get through this.....by going *through* it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking steps to protect yourself. You'll be ok.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8002 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
hope2014
♀ New Member
Member # 42707
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I applaud you for making plans to talk to an attorney!

I know how difficult this situation can be and the physical toll it can take on you. Take everything one day at a time and try not to worry about all the future may hold.

Hugs!


Me - BS; 35
Him - WH; 34
Married - 15 years
2 Kids - Agess 3 and 6
DDay - 2/26/14

Posts: 49 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Ohio
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you are seeing an attorney Tuesday. Ask for exclusive use of the home.

i wanted a decison from him on whether he wants to stay in this marriage or not

He's answered you but I don't think you want to recognize his answer.
This was his response to your question-
he is just going to treat me like crap
He told you what he will do. Believe him. He is going to treat you like crap. Your pain will try to have you dismiss it. But he flat out told you.
He said that i dont appreciate him and he is just going to treat me like crap. He said that since the car is in his name he doesnt have to let me take it and that he is going to take the kids away from me

He did not ask for a chance to make things right. He didn't try and comfort you and say that he was going to prove he could make this work, etc. He threatened you.

I believe he is sorry he said those things out loud to you. Not sorry he thinks them. I think you should prepare for divorce.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1747 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
lastdance
♀ Member
Member # 42401
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he already answered your question---he does it because he does not care about you---you are just crap to him---- you are letting him treat you like this,UNDERSTAND HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU_____he has told you----do nc....have no contact AND PLEASE SEE A LAwyer.......take care of yourself

Posts: 153 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: orlando, fl
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

T.....just stop engaging with him.

Just stop it.

He knows you are hurting and he's doing his best to hurt you the most.

He's out of the house. When you need the car, arrange for it to be dropped off someplace and he walks away. When you are done, reverse the process and you drop it off and walk away.

DO NOT ENGAGE.

You are giving him power over you by trying to talk with him. He is enjoying hurting you.

DO NOT ENGAGE.

See your lawyer. He's an idiot if he thinks he's going to get full custody of the kids. Again he is saying this just to hurt you.

DO NOT ENGAGE.

Are you getting that he is doing everything he can to hurt you?

DO NOT ENGAGE.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6538 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
twillett333
♀ Member
Member # 42121
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the advice yall. It is so hard for be because i never expected for him to act this way. Its like i dont even know who he has become.
Im not engaging. Im only talking to him about the kids and drop off for the car. I really hope the 180 works and that i can stay strong through all of this.


BS (me) 29
WH (him) 29
D-day January 14 ,2014
D-day #2 March 15, 2014
Married 9 years
Together for 11
Two children ages 7&2
Reconciling

*Finding my strength*


Posts: 74 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Louisiana
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs)))

Strength is something you will slowly build up. Sometimes you may break down and reach out to him, but his reaction is the best cure for that. It's hard to try and hold firm when you're hurting so much but you will get better at the more you practice it and see how capable you are of managing on your own.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4151 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im just so hurt and the pain is almost unbearable. I dont know how to get through this...

Just think, your. kids. need. you.

They need their Mom, now more than ever since dad effed their home and changed their life for the worse.

Then ----Get Angry. F.T.G. How dare he lie to you - - over and over. F*#k Him.

These deceitful, no character, immoral cheaters need to go be with their Ho's because they deserve each other.

You, on the other hand can hold your head high.

Remember, FTG, you don't need him (I know it is hard to see that right now). Put up your shields and do not let him hurt you ever again.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 592 | Registered: Mar 2003
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like he is getting his ducks in a row behind your back. Then he apologized for being a jerk because he doesn't want to give you anymore amo for the divorce proceedings.

Even with all the crap my fWH dished out, he never once stated he would be cruel on purpose or take my kids away.

IMO he slipped up and told you the truth. Even if he didn't, do you really want to be with a man that can say those things to you?


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 933 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
damnUnicorns
♀ Member
Member # 42691
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with you on the hurt thing & I too can't believe who my WH has become! I'm sorry for your pain.
My WH is being cruel too. Yesterday threatening to never work again in order to avoid paying alimony. I haven't had a job outside the home since I was 19 & I'm partly disabled. So I get your fear & pain. Trust me.

These guys have changed. We have to face it. We have to quit looking for the "real" then to come back. That Guy is gone. The guy we are now dealing with obviously doesn't love us, doesn't have our best interest at heart anymore, is no longer trustworthy.
Time to get strong & learn to trust in OURSELVES. We have do this for the kids (don't want them thinking this is ok& how THEIR relationships should be) & for ourselves.
I don't want all this change being thrust on me either. I get why you keep wanting things to go back to what they were, only better.
That's me too.
But that's not reality.
It's time to think about how unnecessarily CRUEL you are being treated & put your foot down on that shit!
Be glad it's a community property state. You'll be ok in the end, just don't roll over & let him guilt/mean you into feeling bad for poor him. Mine's trying that & it was working. This mornig I got up & started thinking about all he's done, said & how he's treating me (my WH is also flopping between cold/kind). It's BS. It's confusing.
Just remember... someone who REALLY loves you isn't CRUEL & doesn't try to instill fear in you by threatening to hurt you in ANY way
( leaving you stranded, taking your kids away).

I'm so sorry this is how it is.
I hope you can find the strength to move forward & have a great life.
I'm looking for the same. Hugs!

[This message edited by damnUnicorns at 10:16 AM, March 10th (Monday)]


Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He came over this morning to drop it off and we got into another argument because i wanted a decison from him on whether he wants to stay in this marriage or not
.
This is engaging, Twillett. I know you think you aren't engaging with him, but you are. And he's such a nasty sort that not only has he treated you horrendously, but he continues to kick you while you're down.

Someone with the capacity to be this cold and unfeeling is someone whose looking out Number ONE and no one else.
Don't be a sitting duck. Get to that lawyer and don't look for any excuses to cancel that appointment. Take a taxi if you have to or this guy is going to steamroll you.

.

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 10:58 AM, March 10th (Monday)]


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1752 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 12

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