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Newest Member: SoLostStillNumb (44248)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: After 2 years on old...
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After two years of on/off on OLD, and about 10 dates…I finally met a really.good.man.

Over 6 weeks ago, on a fluke, I went on OKC and looked around, saw a cute man with some depth to his profile and sent a quick message. I had no photo on my profile but he responded anyway.

I had the best first date I'd ever had and posted here.

He didn't kiss me until the 3rd date. I asked him why he responded to a message from someone without a photo, and he said, "I took a chance."

We are now past the 7th date and are planning on continuing.

There are some major challenges on the horizon, mainly that he is moving about 2 hours away, and is going to be deployed in the very near future. We have decided…to at least try.

From the first date, I could tell that this was different. He is mostly healed (also a BS), the dates progressed normally. He is over 3 years out from D. We have been honest in our communication and only very minor communication issues we have worked out. Nothing has been too rushed or too slow. We have communication of some sort every day. Some just a text saying hi, sometimes a 2 hour phone call, then at least one or two long dates each week.

We do talk about our past (his ww was in a LTA), but it is more of "yeah…I know how that feels", but we don't "bond over the pain".

NORMAL. It has been blissfully normal. There has been easy talks of monogamy, of what we are looking for, where we are headed in life. We are very similar people with similar outlooks on life.

I don't know if we will survive the deployment…and we are both going in knowing it won't be the easiest, but he is worth trying.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4015 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awwww.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24414 | Registered: Aug 2011
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great news cmego, so happy for you.


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4374 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 33817 | Registered: Mar 2011
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay!


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7424 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Awesome!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1585 | Registered: Mar 2004
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YAY!!!!


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1960 | Registered: Jan 2012
I.will.survive
♀ Member
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Enjoy this phase because it is and should be WONDERFUL!!

Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay! So happy for you! Soak it up, it's the best feeling.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 615 | Registered: May 2013
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spring is in the air...


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17132 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
FlySomeday
♀ Member
Member # 35150
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW CMEGO! You totally give me hope. Soooo sooo happy for you. The connection thing is so hard to find. I'm glad it is out there. Thrilled for you.

Fly


Digging Deep in the Mud

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Virginia
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, March 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aw, this just makes me smile like a loon.

Happy for you.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15360 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LDRs can work if you work at them.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13559 | Registered: Jul 2011
MelisssaZZZ
♀ Member
Member # 25953
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this is wonderful :) :)!


Me BS - 37
WH 39
1 child - 4yrs
married 5 yrs, together 7
DD1 midmarch 09
DD2 early june 09
some more DD's of course - cannot bother to list
LTA (2 yrs) fully?? finished mid Aug 09
Status: Divorced Oct 2011

Posts: 1205 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: London, UK
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy, happy post! Made me .


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2184 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so happy for you!! How long will he be deployed? I was hoping there was more to the story when you were posting about this guy... glad to hear that it's going great!


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4131 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He will be deployed for his job, he is former military and now works for government contractors. The deployment will probably be 6 months and a dangerous location. But, I understand this is a necessary move for both his current career and future employment opportunities.

He is struggling a little because he hasn't been deployed since he was a father, and struggling a little with the frustration (we have all felt) that his exww "caused" this place in his life, but he seems to be working through it. Meeting me is weighing on him, that either of us at any time can decide that we can't handle the distance.

Having 2 or 3 months together…then deployed for 6? It is barely enough time to even begin to know each other. And we only see each other about 1 per week now, and when he moves for the job, we will probably be down to e/o weekend due to custody schedules.

We did discuss how people met in war times, WWI and WWII, would meet, get married, and the man would leave for years. I know my grandparents did that too…so we know this is not impossible. With technology, we can stay connected.

I know very little about the mental ramifications of what it is like to be deployed into a war zone…and he will be missing his dd terribly, and worried that I am handling the distance…and in a war zone.

All I know is this man is a good, good man. We get along easily, he has most of the qualities I look for in a partner.

The timing sucks. It is just all unknown. Just have to wait and see.

It took a long time to find a good man on OLD. What I don't know is if the first date was "easy" because he was a good fit, or if it was a good first date because we are both "mostly" healed BS's?? I don't know. I just know I walked away from the first date knowing I had a good time and met a good person. If I had met him 3 years ago…I wouldn't have handled some of the issues we have already hit as well as I handle them NOW.

With the deployment looming, we know we are having to talk/face issues earlier than we should in a "normal" relationship. Having to face a difficult time early may kill it, and we both know that.

I didn't want to post, because I don't want to "jinx" how things are going, but I decided that I wanted to share there IS hope out there. If we don't survive, then I will feel better knowing it isn't impossible to meet good people on old.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4015 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have technology working for you.

Yes....it's still 6 months away and in a dangerous place. But he will be able to text (not everyday but at least once a week or so) and sometimes even Skype.


Think of the families doing this for a year or more. 6 months you can do standing on one leg.

You can do this.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6451 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can do this.
Yep. Agreed. It will take some effort, but what important things don't take effort? Very dang few.

Happy, happy, happy for you. Want to send some OLD mojo my way now??


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3006 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 23
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