Prester, I'm so sorry you have to be here.
Your WW working with the OM is going to kill you. My H was able to go fairly NC at work with the MCOW, strictly business on email only, very rare sightings. And it still just about did me in. I read every email between them after NC -- every time I saw her name it was like a knife in my heart, even if it was a completely business like and brief exchange about scheduling. Every time he went to work I felt sad and anxious. Even when I knew she was on vacation.
She arranged to work from home a lot, got a schedule at the office that barely overlapped with my H's, and my H made sure that he was not on any teams or committees she was on. Not until she finally got another job several hours away and *moved* did I finally feel the knife pull out.
If she had not been able to leave, I think we would have D. My H did not want to leave his job; not easy for him to find another and his current job pays well and has huge job security (tenure) and good benefits, and frankly I did not want to have to move either. I like it here, I have a rewarding and meaningful job, I have a wonderful supportive community, our DS's oncology team is here. Lots of reasons. Fortunately I did not have to push him to look for another job -- I knew she was looking for another job and was willing to wait it out, as long as it didn't take too long (took a bit under a year -- that was my limit, in fact).
Your WW may find it hard or impossible to get another job as good as this one, or to get one in this same field. Is she willing to take a lesser job, or one in a different field? Is she willing to do something different at her current place of employment, something that will take her out of the AP's orbit? Is she willing to even start looking?
Thinking back on it, I feel I gave my H too big a pass on this one. I will always know that he at least initially was not willing to choose me and our child over his job -- that's always going to be between us. It's one of the things that makes it hard for me to trust him with my heart.
Give yourself some time to think about what you want to do, but I would also ask your wife to state just what *she* is willing to do to start earning your trust back and to demonstrate that she is serious about being married.
Be kind to yourself, Prester. And it's ok to change your mind, and even to be too nice, for awhile. Do what you have to do to get yourself through, and to be true to yourself. Take care.