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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: WS vent thread
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read that thread in general. Sums it up pretty well.

If change, uncertainty and pain arenít optional in this life, then the sad thing about being a mad hatter is that you learn more about yourself as a wayward spouse than a betrayed spouse. That as a wayward your rise to fix your crap, be a better person and clarify values comes at the expense of the person you love the most. That you did something terrible to get to something good. And that is so fucking unfair to the BS. You get the gravy and she gets to empty the trash for a good long time.

If only I would have raised the white flag before I embarked on stabbing him in the back. I guarantee he would have done something. By the time we have our affairs it could be too late. Its always too late. It's too late to protect and honor our vows, that's for sure. Why does hitting rock bottom involve taking other people down with us? Blowing 10k at the casino would have been better than this.

I get it BS, I really do, and I realize it doesn't take away an ounce of your pain.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4699 | Registered: Dec 2010
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While I get the pain, regret it every day, have not had a single day of happiness true happiness since i had my A almost 2 years ago I can't imagine living with this pain in my heart for the rest of my life. He had his RA's confessed to loving someone else years ago and yet the majority of my pain now comes from my actions and the fact that he's moving on so easily.I don't want to nor do I believe I deserve to be in pain forever. I did not take offense to the vent but it did tear off some scabs that had begun to heal.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2697 | Registered: Oct 2012
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

rachelc - I get it, I really do and and I realize it doesn't take away an ounce of your pain.

I read the post and a few of the replies and then I just had to stop reading. I understand vents. Hell, LF still breaks down and rants at me at times. I get really do feel LF's pain in my heart and soul daily as I face the fact that my hard won understanding comes only at the price of pain which she has to endure and live with.

But honestly, while vents sometime serve to remind me of my horrible actions and strengthen my commitment to my marriage and therefore are supportive of healing, they also trigger waves of shame and guilt. And sometimes, I have to take a breather from that. And when I do, I feel guilty because I also know that LF and all of the other BS's also wish that they could take a breather from their pain too.

Unfortunately, life doesn't run on wishes and wants.

I know that healing from the affair is a very personal journey and I appreciate that sometimes venting is part of that process. My hope for all of the BS community is that venting their anger eventually allows our BS's a path to release the pain within and find some peace.

HUFI

Nothing is fair in this world. You might as well get that straight right now - Sue Monk Kidd


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3228 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
remorsefulww
♀ Member
Member # 42029
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was a hard read. A lot of what was said is what my BH has said to me. There is one word in there that cuts deep "special".
My BH never writes and when he did he wrote what he felt and there was one key word used over and over and that was "special".

Posts: 54 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: new york
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If change, uncertainty and pain arenít optional in this life, then the sad thing about being a mad hatter is that you learn more about yourself as a wayward spouse than a betrayed spouse.

Maybe I am too much of a half full type of BS but I do not know if the above is always true. I have learned a ton about myself. I won't go so far to say that my M is better than it was before - its good still but time will tell if it can ever get better.

Good things have come from me learning more about myself from this process. I have learned that I can be selfish myself sometimes, it's ok. For example, I never had a new car before. I would let my WW get the new car always and I would take her old one. It never was a car that I would pick out for myself but I made it work. I just bought myself a new vehicle, a vehicle that I always wanted but never would have bought before. Before DDay, I never expressed my needs or wants, I let every one in my family get what they wanted first and put myself last. I have much better balance now and don't neglect myself.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2012
918Mama
♀ Member
Member # 37756
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Rachelc)))

I admire all of the hard work you're doing. You're a great example of owning it.


Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. -- Sonia Ricotti

Posts: 531 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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