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User Topic: Any other BS totally change their look after DDay?
castellana
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Member # 42609
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm looking at a serious haircut (which I needed even before WH affair) and needing to get new clothes since I've lost (too much already) weight. I also find myself wanting to get a tattoo of a sledgehammer to remind myself to be strong. You would never pick me out of a lineup as a lady with a tattoo.

Has anyone else changed their look or gotten inked because of WS affair?


Posts: 35 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Colorado
NeverAgain2013
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Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not even for the love of sweet Jesus would I ever allow an inch of my skin to be inked. No thanks.

Actually, I've taken just the opposite approach and I've never done anything to change my looks or my routine after dealing with a lying cheater (done it more than once). For instance, I'd never consider taking anti-depressants to deal with the fallout because I see that as an admission to him that he has far too much control over me emotionally. I'd never give anyone that power or satisfaction.

Probably, the only thing I've changed after dealing with a cheater is where I live.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1578 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
norabird
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Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a big fan of haircuts, makovers etc. as a sort of nod to starting over. This is your clean break, and you can make your new life with a bold new haircut or even a tattoo if you so choose! I got a trim soon after my first DDay--begone, dead ends! It felt like a little personal gesture towards moving on. I do't see it as directed at the wayward but as an investment in yourself and your own happiness.

I'm sure you'll look great with a sledghammer if you go that route


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3784 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Newme123
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Member # 41119
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did go out and get a new cut and color after d day. But please rehink the tattoo. Everything is so fresh and raw right now but in the future when you have moved past this, and you will, either with or without your wh, you don't want to have a permanent trigger and reminder of the pain you are in tattooed on your body.


Me-BS 33, him-WH 31
Dday 10-30-12 the day before Halloween
Married 10 yrs
DS-14, DD-9, DS-2, DD-5m
Currently trying to R

Posts: 74 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
Merlin
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Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's gained about 30 pounds, dresses like a slob and swears like a truck driver.

Classy!

P.S. Her tattoo is a doozy.

[This message edited by Merlin at 3:04 PM, March 10th (Monday)]


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm all for the haircut! Do it! It can really boost your self esteem! I'd wait on the tattoo though! I have 5 tattoos and I can tell you that its definitely not something you want to do without thinking about it for a longggggg time! If you still want it in a year, then get it!


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
StorybookGirl42
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Member # 42276
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got a drastic haircut in the midst of the situation where I knew he was cheating but he wouldn't come clean with me. HORRIBLE MISTAKE.

I hated that cut. Blech


Posts: 95 | Registered: Jan 2014
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did a few things that seemed radical to me at the time, but thankfully hair grows back.

I also find myself wanting to get a tattoo of a sledgehammer to remind myself to be strong.
That's very strong imagery! I've heard advice for those considering a tattoo that they should print the image out and tape it somewhere you will see it every day. If after 6 months of "living with" it you still want it, then go ahead. Another person suggested giving yourself a temporary tattoo of it - same size and placement - and wear it around for a while. Here are some instructions for diy temp tattoos -

http://www.wikihow.com/Create-Your-Own-Temporary-Tattoo


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24437 | Registered: Aug 2011
MissMovingOn
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Member # 30720
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DDay 1 I bleached my hair blonde (from dark brown). It looked ridiculous and I dyed it back pretty quick. Didn't make any drastic changes after any of the other DDays until this past summer when WH moved out for the first time. I chopped my hair very short and got a tattoo down my spine. Oh and I started lifting weights. I've also lost 57lbs over the last year and a half, but that's only partly A aftermath related.


Me: BS, 34
Him: (SA/NPD)WH, 31
Multiple ddays since 2010 (Latest January 15th 2013) - not counting anymore!

Posts: 367 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: West Coast Canada
castellana
♀ New Member
Member # 42609
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually maybe gaining 30 pounds, dressing like a slob and swearing like a truck driver might be the way to go! Perhaps add in chewing tobacco and switching from microbrew to Bud.

Being slim, athletic, well-dressed and groomed sure didn't stop the affair but maybe if I adopt a tougher look that'd help weed out any sissy losers who deal with their issues by cheating with other women.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Colorado
tushnurse
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Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would certainly reconsider any permanent changes. I did get my hair whacked off when I was positive he was up to no good but had no proof.
Of course this was because H always wanted my hair long and I hated it. I finally wore it the way I wanted it.
It was definitely more of a F you than not.
Of course I have kept it short since. It's cute easy and what I like. It not his choice it's mine.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7815 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Gemini71
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Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep! Cut my hair, lightened it, bought new clothes, the works. The only reason I haven't gotten a tattoo of a mended broken heart is that I can't afford it. No regrets!


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1547 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually planned my exit strategy before the OW called me. Part of my plan was to regain my self respect and self confidence. For me, it meant losing weight, exercising and giving H the 180. There's something about finding my beotch boots that H finds very appealing.

Best part, I don't care if he likes it or not This is all for me "You've come a long way baby".

Castellana...hold off on any permanent body art for the time being.


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 380 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
inconnu
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Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I bought new clothes, started wearing makeup again, and went to the hair salon a lot more often. But it was actually after now-ex left, and I was getting divorced that I made my biggest changed. I decided to embrace my inner redhead. It took me several times trying different reds, but I finally settled on one that I really like. And I've been a redhead ever since.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12124 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
TrustedHer
♂ Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NeverAgain said:

For instance, I'd never consider taking anti-depressants to deal with the fallout because I see that as an admission to him that he has far too much control over me emotionally. I'd never give anyone that power or satisfaction.

I understand this determination, and if it works for you, that's fine.

However...

Depression caused by trauma actually changes your brain chemistry. AD's can help, sometimes, if you're having trouble readjusting your brain chemistry on your own or via therapy.

I took AD's for about 18 months, and heavy counseling. The AD's helped settle me down so the counseling could work.

It's not about your WS. In fact, your WS doesn't need to know. It's about you, and helping your healing.


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5119 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Skan
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Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Funny enough, while his on-line porn use and slipping money to strippers was increasing, I went out and go the tatu that I had wanted for decades. After DDay, I cut all of my hair off, and I mean pixie-short, changed it's color (which is not uncommon for me), and started to buy myself GOOD clothing and lingerie vice thrift store and Costco shopping. Now I'm letting the hair go darker and longer again, which I like more, but I needed a drastic difference at the time so I went for it.

BTW, my favorite saying for a hammer image is, "You can be either the hammer or the anvil."


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4586 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
rachelc
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Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My hubby, as a BS, went into his barber with a picture of Brad Pitt and asked for that haircut. Then he started lifting and became really buff. He looks great!

Me, as a BS, well, I got down to what I weighed in 7th grade, not good. But no major changes.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

ôSlide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4525 | Registered: Dec 2010
Rainbows
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Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I changed my hair (lobbed off about 8 inches, lightened the color) and my clothing style. I feel like a different person and don't really gravitate toward the same clothes and accessories, even in my own closet.

I'm also thinking about getting a tattoo. I already have a very small, inconspicuous one that I barely notice anymore. I got it a few years ago after I came through some major life setbacks.

It's a positive image and reminds me of my strength and ability to overcome adversity. Before I got it, I used a sharpie to draw it on and kept redrawing it for a few days to see how it would look.

Now, I'm not sure what I would get other than I've always wanted a white tattoo. It's definitely not something to do impulsively since I like to research artists, imagery, etc.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 390 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got a tattoo and my nipple pierced.

I had been thinking about them for a couple years. The general "fuck it" feeling after dday push it over the edge.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
castellana
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Member # 42609
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL. I had to admit I've always wanted to go red too. I've rethought the tattoo thing, perhaps not a good idea at the moment. I'm now thinking of a set of Yosemite Sam mudflaps for the car. The kids will love them.

TheBestMe - what kind of beotch boots did you get?


Posts: 35 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Colorado
Topic Posts: 27
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