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User Topic: Head, meet desk
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oof. I was browsing through my gmail and saw the saved record of a chat with my exWNF from the week before DDay. We had had a tough past week because, who woulda thought, when one person starts to date/sleep with someone else it puts real strains on both partners. The night before we had had a big fight where he threw tons of crazy things in my face, about my career largely, all out of nowhere. I was really trying to make sense of it the next day, explaining how I thought he was seeing things wrong, trying to reassure him about his place in my life. He went through the whole conversation as if we were just having normal tensions, as if he was still committed to being with me; when he knew what a lie that was. I look back and I see so much genuine love and confusion and hurt on my side, and on his...just cowardice, fear.

I am getting closer to understanding this stuff about NC needing to be internal as well as external--dwelling on this only brings the hurt up freshly. I hadn't been revisiting it as much lately but I guess sometimes I just feel the pull to look back. I'm happy it's getting further in the rear view, yet somehow not done

I am hoping this is just part of the mourning process. I DO want to mourn it and not just refuse to feel the feelings when they arise.

It's just sad to compare my authenticity to his. I slip into that 'HOW could he be that way?' even though now I know the answer is just that he is.

As I'm writing about it I realize it's part of the past though, and I feel a bit more at peace. I don't have to deal with his issues anymore. I don't have to try to accommodate him. I don't have to twist myself around and put huge amounts of energy into a black hole. I am free. I may regret that he is the way he is, but since I can't change that, I'm grateful all the tension he caused me is done with.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not familiar with your story, but I'm assuming you've booted this man out of your life.

Best 200 pounds you ever lost, isn't it?


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1753 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am hoping this is just part of the mourning process.
Absolutely. And you are right - NC works it's magic best when it is complete, both external and internal.

You're getting there, honey. Each step forward is a victory.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25332 | Registered: Aug 2011
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC works it's magic best when it is complete, both external and internal.

For sure. I'm definitely on a dip on the roller-coaster ride today, and I know why - STBXWW and I had contact. Though it was just through email and pretty much necessary to proceed with our divorce, talking directly to her just allowed her to hurt me again, even though she didn't say anything particularly hurtful. Rather, the coldness and complete lack of emotion, even through text, was very clear, and it has me reeling.

I don't have to deal with his issues anymore. I don't have to try to accommodate him. I don't have to twist myself around and put huge amounts of energy into a black hole. I am free. I may regret that he is the way he is, but since I can't change that, I'm grateful all the tension he caused me is done with.

I know once the D is final, I will get to experience that same freedom once and for all. I'm happy for you norabird that you are seeing your positive future unfold before you. NC, NC, NC. Go be awesome!

[This message edited by SoulHurts at 3:25 PM, March 10th (Monday)]


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1110 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 4

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