Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: doihavechoice (44727)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: ok guys remind me
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It doesn't make a difference. It just doesn't make a difference. All of the what ifs---just doesn't matter. At the end if the day he's still who he is. You're seeing everything as you should. Your eyes are not playing tricks in you. You're not hearing things that aren't there. Your being manipulated.
So sorry.

Posts: 311 | Registered: Jul 2012
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was going through some old papers and I found a letter I wrote to him. It basically says exactly what I would write today and its from 2 yrs ago. I've wasted so much time for nothing, absolutely nothing. Thanks everyone. I've been given a lot to think about. I'm spinning my wheels and will still be in ten yrs if I don't make a move. My youngest was almost 9 yrs old when this started, she going to be 17 soon. Seems like the days drag but the years fly by.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4932 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
curiouswiz
♀ Member
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Ostrich; Please free yourself. Please. Pull your head out of the safety of the sand and see the sun and the purity of the free air. Please.

You give so much of yourself to others here. I see your posts and affirmations every time I'm here. Please. Take your own advice and know that it's your life to live. Your baby is 17. Time to baby yourself.


God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
IWantDoOver
Member
Member # 39440
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My youngest was almost 9 yrs old when this started, she going to be 17 soon.

What happens between you and WH when the youngest leaves for college?

I think I need to go back to ic. I'm spinning again. .... I do feel paralyzed.

Have you scheduled IC for yourself?


Peace

Posts: 212 | Registered: Jun 2013
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was you. I'm now so sucked into the crazy I have doubts if i am really going to make it out alive and/or sane.

Please love yourself enough to get some help dealing with this.

OMG - 2015...since 2009.

I made it from Spring of 2012 to not even spring of 2014.

Huge hugs to you. I think I need to get out of "General" and back to "D/S" forum before I freak out anyone else.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ostrich, whenever I read your posts with this theme all I think back to is when your WH threw a fit, and told you he hated you. And then you caught him KISSING HIS PHONE in his truck like a fucking 12 yr old.

THAT is who your WH is.

((((((Ostrich)))))))))

I like the suggestion another poster made, to watch him like he's an exhibit in a zoo, not like he's your husband, your partner. You know he isn't.


Posts: 3355 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know.its ridiculous and.if someone else posted this, I would think they were in serious denial I just want it to be over, but.I don't want to have to be the one that does it I guess. I really wish he would just.move in with her so I could move on.

I don't think you're ridiculous at all. That's exactly how I felt for months. My gut told me that he was still lying to me, but I felt like I needed to have proof in my hand before I could allow myself to walk away. The "what ifs" just tormented me. What if I walk away and he's being honest this time? Plus, I didn't want to be the bad guy. I didn't want for him to be able to tell me that it was my fault and that I was the one that gave up on him.

I finally got the strength to walk away when I caught him in more lies. But, I was still tormented by the promises and what ifs. I logged on his account, and saw that he was texting another girl 300 times a day. Seems pretty clear, right? But nope, I still deal with the what ifs every single day.

So, you are not ridiculous at all. You were traumatized, and all your feelings are normal.

Something that helped me was to make two columns for why I was staying in the relationship. In the first column, put all the reasons that were based on fear. Fear of being wrong, fear of him really changing, etc. And then in the second column, put all the other reasons, like trust, love, etc. See how the two lists stack up.

(((((hugs)))))


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1126 | Registered: Jul 2013
lastdance
♀ Member
Member # 42401
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

please give yourself the greatest gift ever: freedom from the emotional jail you have been living in for so long....it is time to go put your bitch boots on and start walking...enough of this bull....you need to leave him and find a REAL MAN..someone who cares ,respects,loves you and cares for you....be good to yourself....life is short...too short to be so miserable

Posts: 152 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: orlando, fl
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@lonelygirl..good idea making a list. I will do that.
@lastdance...when I think of freedom, I think of me being single.. Im afraid I will never want to be in another relationship.
I know there are some great marriages out there but I. just don't think I would want to try to be in one. I'm ok by myself.

I know a lot of my procrastinating and settling is out of fear. I hate change, I hate not knowing what will happen tmoro. I've gone so far as thinking about when my kids get married...having their parents not be together. It's silly I know. My kids love their dad but they all support my decision to end my marriage. He's not fooling them, they know. As much as he's tried to get them to feel sorry for him during times we aren't getting along, they still see through it.
I need to face the fact that I will never know what happened, he's never going to tell me. History keeps repeating itself with this relationship. It's the same cycle over and over.
I need to eliminate, "I wish" from my vocabulary. I find myself starting every sentence with it. Wishing gets me no where.
Thanks those that did remind me of the things.I posted in the past..I need to write them down on my list. So weird how easy it is to see your very same mistakes and fears in others but excuse and justify your own. I do that. Even when I see the behaviors I have, in my kids, I want to pull it out of them I tell
my girls, don't let a guy disrespect you or I tell them to be more courageous and don't let fear rule your life. I don't ever want them to be in my sich yet I know example and not words, would be a better lesson. Ok I'm seriously going to work on this. No more whining, I.promise

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 1:14 AM, March 12th (Wednesday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4932 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
cancuncrushed
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe he's just being nice. Maybe he's being nice because he's content. He has wife and family with ow on side. He did not abandon his family but he has her. No guilt. Cake eater. Maybe he's waiting til 2015 These things I wonder too. I don't think h is seeing anyone now. But it doesn't mean he won't. And he ses very happy when he does both


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 891 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Truly
♀ Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Here comes the 2x4...

Not really, Ostrich, how could I? You're a beautiful soul and I am always grateful for your insight and advice, as are all the people here posting.

So I just want to give you a gift.

This is a gift of (((hugs))), strength, peace and forgiveness.

Forgive yourself for staying, forgive yourself for wanting to leave, and then when you're gone, forgive yourself for leaving.

There is no shame in being free.

It just means there will be one more beautiful soul, that is happy, dancing through life.

The sun is shining; time to go out and play
xxx


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:45 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ Cancun...makes sense. Why wouldn't he be in a good mood, no pressure from either one of.us. He was freaking out when I was pressuring him before DD1 and.I'm pretty sure she was too, that's when he wanted a D. It's a cake eaters dream life.

@ truly...thank you for your kind words. One day....


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4932 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 32
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.