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Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What if AP tried to contact fWH?
Mommato5
♀ New Member
Member # 42624
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am fairly certain that my fWH will be able to stick to our NC agreement. I am wondering however, if it is highly likely or highly unlikely for AP to try to contact him? They were "in luuuv" for 3+ months and have not had contact for over 3 weeks now. Should I be watching? Or can I relax?


Psalms 147:3
Married 19 years, 9 months and 1 day. The day my marriage died.
5 fabulous kids with tragically broken hearts

Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2014
MoonLitSmile
♀ Member
Member # 24746
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep watching. He may have every intention of sticking to NC, but slip ups happen. IMHO it's too soon to trust.
(((Mommato5)))


Me- 40
FWH- 40 recovering SA

Her- 43, a self-centered bitch concerned with no one but herself

DDay- July 13, 2013

Back off man- I'm a scientist!
~ Dr. Peter Venkman


Posts: 720 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Southeastern PA
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep watching.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Jan 2013
Mommato5
♀ New Member
Member # 42624
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it fairly common or uncommon for her to try to contact him???


Psalms 147:3
Married 19 years, 9 months and 1 day. The day my marriage died.
5 fabulous kids with tragically broken hearts

Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2014
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 1:38 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It depends on whether or not she believed he was in love with her and vice versa. It also depends on how firm his NC message to her was.

Sometimes, the OW believes the only reason he isn't speaking to her is because his mean old wife won't let him. Sometimes, the OW believes she can say the right thing to get him to come back to her. Sometimes, they don't make contact for a long time and then try again when they believe the storm has passed and sometimes they wait years and then think they can be friends. In my case, the first OW sent my husband a friend request on a social network five years after their last contact.

Attempts at contact are pretty common. If he is firm on NC, her attempts at contact won't matter. And if he's doing the right thing, he'll tell you about any attempts at contact so you can decide how best to handle them together.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4102 | Registered: Sep 2005
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 6:12 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Despite my WH throwing AP under the bus on D-Day, and my forcing AP to tell her BS about the affair, AP continued to try to contact for almost one year. She would set up bogus e mail accounts using a fictitious name that was just enough for him to know it was her.

She would send an email without a message. Sort of a game to see if the emails would remind him of her, and he would just HAVE to contact her because they were in lurrrve.

He never took the bait.

If I were you, I'd continue to monitor all of his media until you feel safe. Doesn't mean she won't try to contact him sometime in the future. Be vigilant. You and WH need to come up with a plan on how to handle together if she does initiate contact. Work as a team.


Posts: 7569 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW in our case emailed several times in a row using 2 email addresses about 6weeks after dDay. We took that opportunity to send a formal NC from my fWH with my approval. My fWH carefully worded it so as to not respond to anything in her email. She had to have the last word and responded to NC and that was last email so far. Yippee!

My fWH had kept NC after dDay and was relieved he no longer had to deal with stalker OW. He and I both told her on dDay to stop contacting us and stay away from us.

Then OW sent a linked in request about 8months after dDay. I just reported her invitation as spam and deleted it. And I changed both our profiles to be non public viewing.

Fingers crossed she is gone for good but we still have our guard up.

[This message edited by whattheh at 10:57 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 545 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As far as I know there had been NC for about 10 months. Even though I had blocked her from my FB, she was able to stalk me by using another FB account. I usually do not post pictures, but recently I have been. When she saw on my timeline that H and I were happy, she went ballistic.

Cray cray... she blew up his cell. When he did not answer, she called his work cell phone. He claims it was in error that he answered his work cell. But, that contact created a s--t storm. She continued to try and contact him and he ignored her. I read a text in which she wrote "WH you continue to hang up on me".

My H asked me on DD to block her from his cell. I chose not to because as far as I am concerned, he has to prove to me that A is over. You see, in the past they had gone underground. My coward was trying to end the A and told her that I had a PI and had the texts and e mails. So AP bought him a cell phone.

Keep your eyes and ears open.


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 434 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW did not go away and did not honor NC. She emailed(I had all emails diverted to me), she texted, she brought notes and gifts to receptionist, left notes at his office door after hours and weekends, and showed up where we were in public places. It was hell.

Keep your eyes open.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1477 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it fairly common or uncommon for her to try to contact him???

You will find plenty to examples both ways on SI - some try to contact, some go away forever.

My WW's AP that she had for 12+ years went away after NC. I have double checked and I am 99.9% certain there has been no contact.

I did put an expectation on my WW that if he does ever try on any attempt she has no more than one hour to tell me. I told her I do not care if she has to drive to my work because I am in a meeting and not taking calls to tell me. That way there is no thinking about it. No wondering if a simple fishing attempt qualifies. If he tries to contact, she will tell me immediately and we will work together to decide what we will do about it. Having that expectation gives me some peace of mind.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 485 | Registered: Nov 2012
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fondly refer to them as 'fishing expeditions.' They throw out the line with the bait on it and wait to see if anything bites.

Fat ass tried to text my now ex on his birthday but found out she'd been blocked. The pitiful desperado then sent her message via email instead, where I easily found it as he always had his email up and open on his computer (and that's where I paid all the bills from).

I replied to her, telling her that her fat ass was now being blocked from his email as well, since she was too damned stupid to comprehend the 3 little words, "don't contact him."

Don't be surprised one day when out of the blue, there's a sudden fishing line bobbing in the water.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1765 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
hopingforhappy
♀ Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW tried, on and off, for eight months to get a reaction out of my FWH. She was really pissed off the day he answered the phone, found her on the other end and promptly hung up! (She would use those spooftel apps to make it look like another phone number on caller id). She was so used to having him on a string, for all of the time that she was threatening to out the A. She didn't realize that once she outed it (and FWH threw her under the bus), that she would no longer have any power over him. She tried, but failed. It takes them a while sometimes to realize that the fog has lifted. This is why NC is so important. Any little reinforcement sends them into overdrive again.


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1315 | Registered: Aug 2010
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've had a few little things - an email & an email through a friend in the early days, her checking him out on LinkedIn, her showing up at the gym when she knew we'd be there, and then zooming past us on a road to make sure we saw her. All pretty mild, and just helped cement my H's view of her.

I think she is on good behavior b/c she was on thin ice with the OBS. If and when their marriage fails, I will worry a little more. I also worry a little about the affair season, which is coming up, and I worry that word might get to her when he is out of town. H maintains he feels nothing positive for her anymore, just ambivalence and a little disgust, so I am hopeful.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1999 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

P.S. What seemed to work for us is when AP contacted my H, he told me, and I either contacted her directly, her H, or both.

She got the message pretty fast.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1999 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
inthedark14
♀ Member
Member # 41924
Default  Posted: 2:33 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely keep watching,after my WH sent NC text in front of me ,she texted him about 1 month later! he told her he fucked up it was over etc etc! and she still had the nerve to txt him and call him babe. I believe the AP thinks they actually have power to say the right thing to get our WS bak, I mean after all they got our spouses behind our backs in the first place so in their minds they had power over us


WH: 39/BW:Me,32
Married 14 years in March, 2 Beautiful children 8 & 12
D-Day: Xmas Eve 2013-worst day of my life

"The most expensive thing in th world is TRUST, it takes years to earn and just a matter of seconds to lose"


Posts: 102 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: santa rosa ca
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right at the point where we were when the AP sent "Forever is going to be hard, when three weeks is this long. I hope you're doing okay. xo" I saw the text first and called hoping to get her. Instead, I left a voicemail that included every version of whore there is.

Not a surprise, she didn't stop. For 15 months she'd send FWH emails/texts/IM's. He never responded. When we figured out how to block her cell, she simply got another one to text from. At that point, we went to an attorney who prepared a letter warning her that any further contact would result in her arrest. It finally did the trick.

I hope you're rid of her for good, but as others have stated, they can be persistent little sluts.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1039 | Registered: Mar 2012
Topic Posts: 16

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