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User Topic: Increases In Infidelity
whattheh
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Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People seem to becoming more desensitized to cheating. It is in just about every movie or TV show and is often glamorized. This is social conditioning. Also D and adultery laws have been weakened so that there's not much of an external consequence for the cheater. I figure the adulterers did this to make it easier for themselves to cheat without consequences.

Adultery can have dangerous consequences and its truly terrible for the betrayed spouse and children. But that is glossed over.

I watched 48 Hours about a woman who was murdered by her H and shocker she was cheating on her H. The poor OM's BW found out after the woman had disappeared. The BW was considered a top suspect and ws even dragged into the police station and took a lie detector which she failed. Luckily the police understood she was traumatised emotionally due to infidelty and failed because of that.

It really pissed me off how 48 Hours made the cheating wife out in a very positive light and described her A as true love and A of the heart. As typical the OM refused to ride off with her into the sunset and wanted to stay with his BW. My point is that 48 Hours glamorized her A instead of showing that this OW would likely still be alive if she hadn't cheated and crossed her albeit crazy H.

Infidelity seems more mainstream now. Morals and ethics are going down the tubes in our modern society. I feel like we are in the final days of Rome right before it collapsed. Infidelity is not good for society and its increase is a bad sign for where we are headed. Seriously though the whores and whore mongers have been around for a long long time.

[This message edited by whattheh at 4:56 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 563 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
abbycadabby
♀ Member
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because that means people have always WANTED to be cheating fucksnacks, but were too chickenshit to do anything about it until now.

Stillgoing- your post was good. You explained a lot. But that's kinda the point I was trying to make, albeit not as eloquently.

There is a theory, I think from an evolutionary psych standpoint that state that humans, like animals, are driven by desire to spread their genetic code as far as possible. So we are subject to our basest animalistic tendencies. So, that's one theory.

Certainly there are other contributing factors. Increases in technology facilitate contact with people in potentially "safe" geographic regions (ie, a region that's far enough away that an A would be difficult to discover say, by just a BS running into a WS out with an AP). As previously stated, the anonymity provided by the internet allows people flexibility and freedom in how they express themselves and can remove inhibitions, potentially enabling the slippery slope. Not to mention websites that cater to individuals who wish to actively seek out AP.

That's just a couple of ideas, and there are many more. I agree with you though. Some people are just selfish fuckwits, and sometimes that's the only reason. My point was that the causes of infidelity are varied and there are many contributing factors. This can't be easily dissected in one afternoon.

[This message edited by abbycadabby at 4:58 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 1271 | Registered: Feb 2010
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So we are subject to our basest animalistic tendencies.
Subject to them?

Sure.

But we're not beholden to them. We're not slaves to our impulses.


I keep my mind on my future/and my eyes on the sky/I don't really smile much/If you were there you'd know why.

Posts: 2164 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: City in the Midwest/Best In The Whole Wide World
abbycadabby
♀ Member
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ascendant- certainly we're aren't ALL slaves to those tendencies. But if spreading genetic code is our objective then monogamy runs counter to that, which could explain the seeming increase in infidelity.

I personally believe in monogamy and fidelity very much and am only discussing here.


Posts: 1271 | Registered: Feb 2010
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But if spreading genetic code is our objective then monogamy runs counter to that, which could explain the seeming increase in infidelity.
Yeah, but smashing the brains of all potential rivals with a large rock for mating purposes is an evolutionary urge as well, and we don't just dismiss murder with a wave of our hands and say "Meh. Primal urges...whattya gonna do?"

[This message edited by Ascendant at 6:04 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)]


I keep my mind on my future/and my eyes on the sky/I don't really smile much/If you were there you'd know why.

Posts: 2164 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: City in the Midwest/Best In The Whole Wide World
abbycadabby
♀ Member
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ascendant- too true. I was only discussing the evolutionary psych theory as it relates to infidelity not as it relates to defending against romantic rivals. I bet some BS' would like to club some select people in the head with a rock though!

ETA: I wasn't touting any one theory as right. I was simply illustrating that there are tons of theories out there. Idk if we'll ever figure this stuff out.

[This message edited by abbycadabby at 6:32 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 1271 | Registered: Feb 2010
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But if spreading genetic code is our objective then monogamy runs counter to that, which could explain the seeming increase in infidelity.

Infidelity is a social construct. Even if there is such a thing as a biological imperative to spread genetic code - which I am not really convinced there is, because evolution is a half assed process so full of stupid we couldn't have fucked it up more if we got a drunk clown using a red crayon to draw up plans on a dryer sheet - it is so subtle and complex it's irrelevant in the way the biological imperative to survive plays into being that asshole that steals other peoples lunch out of the fridge in the office. That fridge is a communal fridge. You aren't going to fucking starve for stealing my goddamn sandwich. You're just an asshole who wants my fucking dagwood and if I find you, you son of a bitch, your biological imperative to survive is going to meet my biological imperative to beat your ass silverback gorilla style.

I disagree that technology makes it easier to hide an A due to geographic distances. My wife was fucking a guy who lived 600 miles away. What it DID contribute to was giving me the time and space to not climb into my car and drive over to his place to engage the aforementioned biological imperative to beat some serious ass. What that technology enabled it also unravelled. The way I found out was stumbling across a bunch of dick pics (and a cat pic, but at least he didn't have his cock... wait, fuck... I don't want to go back there nevermind) in a download folder when she asked me to burn a CD for the kids. Which goes back to the network genius stuff - for all that it's my job, I never went looking. Because I never expected to be looking for that shit. My wife is a beautiful, brilliant woman but everyone fucks up at some point. Unless they're a spy in a movie and it's relevant to progress the plot.

So I not only disagree that infidelity is on the rise, I am not really convinced there is some kind of biological explanation for infidelity, anymore than there is a biological explanation for being a dickhead.

eta:

I would also like to add that monogamy, if you looked at it logically, is by far and away the more effective means of ensuring survival of offspring. Humans don't blast out litters of 16 kids at a go. Humans gestate for 9 months, then need an additional couple of years just to get to an ambulatory state, during which time mama can't move far or fast. If the biological imperative to blast spooge everywhere was the predominant one then most cavedudes would have blown a load and bailed, leaving mama to get eaten by a cave bear.

Fucking a bunch of women at once doesn't work either. Humans are social so either A) all the other dudes say fuck this, you want them all, you protect them all and thanks but I am just fine protecting one mama I really REALLY do not want to protect 10 and holy shit can you imagine the kind of fucking food you'd have to bring home, they don't make spears that big or B) all the other dudes say fuck you die, spear you and redistribute the mama load because 3) people are social.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 7:28 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)]


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7476 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
abbycadabby
♀ Member
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I SO love when Stillgoing comes out to play! The drunk clown/red crayon/dryer sheet...

I think you make some excellent points. I don't think infidelity is on the rise. Rather, I think it's selfish people continuing to do what selfish people do and have done for as long as we have existed. My point wasn't really to debate the reasons but simply to state that the topic is too varied to be attributable to any one factor or cause.

I reacted strongly to the misogyny and later to the generalization and probably should've shut up long before now. I am clearly outclassed both in wit and in substance.


Posts: 1271 | Registered: Feb 2010
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My point wasn't really to debate the reasons but simply to state that the topic is too varied to be attributable to any one factor or cause.

Well.. uh. I agree.

As for being outclassed in wit and substance, I can proudly state I have no idea what the definition is for at least two of those words.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7476 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
abbycadabby
♀ Member
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I wasn't really as concise and coherent as I should've been. Maybe I should research this topic more. Andplusalso, the time change has my brain tired like WOAH.

Thanks everyone for the intelligent discourse!


Posts: 1271 | Registered: Feb 2010
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But if spreading genetic code is our objective then monogamy runs counter to that, which could explain the seeming increase in infidelity.

If that was our main objective I would expend the lines to make donations to the sperm bank would be much longer.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 489 | Registered: Nov 2012
Topic Posts: 31
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