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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 2x4s please
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am trying really hard not to respond to StBXs attack emails, and my L is telling me not too as well, but it is sooooo hard not to defend myself.

I need the SI 2x4 gauntlet. Thank you sir...can I have another?


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 597 | Registered: Aug 2013
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can respond, just don't actually send the response. If getting it out on paper helps then go for it. Just don't send it.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official in 7/2014

Posts: 1836 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Vent here. "Reply" here.

Honestly, engaging with her isn't going to help. She isn't going to see reason now of all times. Responding will lead you into a circular pattern of shitty logic and arguments, a pattern that goes nowhere but pulls you backward.

Invest your time and energy into someone who deserves it - like yourself.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 6:11 AM, March 12th (Wednesday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13571 | Registered: Jul 2011
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just be careful to not have an email address in the to: field - don't ask how I know.

But I always write pretend emails. Its always worth a laugh to go back and read them days or weeks after I've come to my senses.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kg, other than gender, Ama nailed it. ^^^^^^^^^^

I believe I've asked before, but is her brain being affected by the C? My Dad's moods became very erratic towards the end as the C spread.

Strength.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2578 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

5454, I don't know the answer to that. She seems to move back and forth between attacking me, and calmly communicating about getting the house packed up and ready to sell. I wish I could go completely NC, but because our finances are still joint and the house needs to be sold, and we have three kids to raise, I can't go completely NC. But I do need to stop responding to her attacks.

It is possible her brain mets are affecting her thinking, but I don't have a way to judge that right now.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 597 | Registered: Aug 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Watch for escalation in mood swings. Due to HIPPA(sp?) IDK if you would have access, but this is a need to know situation. Your kids are with her rather frequently and on the front lines. Consult with your lawyer, at what point does this become a safety concern.

Damn, I'm sorry you've got to deal with this.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2578 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my sister was dying of lung cancer, some of it went to her brain. It did affect her thinking & moods. Where she eventually died was on the psych ward, strapped to a bed.

Do not discount cancer in the brain. I say this not to tell you to go ahead & respond (NO, DON'T DO THAT!). I want you to prepare yourself (and your kids) that this could get severely rocky. I went into pre-term labor from the stress of what happened to my sister.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9317 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
crumbs
♀ New Member
Member # 28953
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is crazy making, isn't it!! I did write a very long reply after the last one but fortunately I was bright enough to send it to my attorney first to have her review. Bless her, she said she didn't even read it just wanted to know why I would feed the monster? And to remember, nothing I've said in these past three years has made a difference, why would I think something would change now? So very true...

I have a journal and a very good friend that I vent to when I just have to get it out there. Otherwise, nothing back to him. He will never know that it gets to me--and that's the best reply of all.

Best!


Me - 54
Him - 55, NPD
Married 17 yrs - together 23
15 year old
Discovered porn addition 11/09
Wouldn't stop - Moved out 8/10
Filed 11/11
Praying for an end to this

Posts: 37 | Registered: Jul 2010
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't give you 2x4s, but I can throw some support your way, kg.

It is possible her brain mets are affecting her thinking, but I don't have a way to judge that right now.
Would it help you to ASSUME this is the case when she goes into attack mode? I understand if it's too much, but sometimes reframing (even if it's speculative) can make shit sandwiches slightly less shitty.

((((kg))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24442 | Registered: Aug 2011
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. The thing is Internally I am not really angry at the attacks. The feeling is more a need to have the truth out...and I know she will skew everything no matter what I say. I think the false accusations from her restraining order may also have made me more sensitive to the false statements in the attacks.

It is also possible I'm channeling the Vulcan winter storm and thus have a need for logic to win out over evil (or cancer-induced irrationality). It's getting easier to not respond....like the text over the weekend where she called me dumb and taunted me to respond. No response. I was proud of that one.

Thanks all. Keeping keeping on. The marital home will be on the market soon, and hopefully by our court day in May we will be very close to D.

[This message edited by kg201 at 10:59 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 597 | Registered: Aug 2013
LifeIsBroken
♀ Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would think there is some truth to her not being so happy and she's not wanting you to be happy, either. She maybe cannot move on, given her illness, and she sure doesn't like the thought of YOU moving on. I learned early the best response - TRULY - is NC. That bothers them more than anything you could say. YOU know the truth and the people who matter either do know or will know. Who cares what those who don't matter think ? Don't waste your time with her or them. You have far better things to do and far better things to think about.


Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 435 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Massachusetts
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dude this bitch is baiting you. Stop trying to get inside her head because even if you did it would be like reading Chinese. Your just not going to understand it. She is playing the old power game with you. She will provoke you into a response that may or may not be interpreted as harassment and once again the RO will be served. Because she can and you let her. Stop playing her head games bro. She is one delusional person who will stop at nothing to hurt you. If your concerned about the kids call them. How old are they ? If you need any info as to the home situation ask the children. Just do it in a way that wont set off any alarms. You have too much pent up frustration and angst. I suggest you start working out. Its good for your health and it eases the tension. Go beat the shit out of a heavy bag and picture her face on it. Its very therapeutic.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5568 | Registered: Nov 2007
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for the gender mix up.

The feeling is more a need to have the truth out...and I know she will skew everything no matter what I say.

I would focus on speaking your truth to those who will actually hear it, those who will remain in your life (unlike an EX), those who are capable of hearing it because they aren't covering up that truth with lies to help them sleep at night. In other words, not your STBX.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13571 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 14

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