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User Topic: Dancing with a different partner
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I must come from another planet

me three...

I don't find it disrespectful at all.

We went to a wedding last year where the wedding party danced with each other.

It was all fun.

I didn't see any boundaries being crossed....and I am hyper-aware.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update: I spoke with the bride, and she said it was fine for us to switch. She seemed understanding and actually said that the only reason they are doing it is because she isn't from our area and it's a tradition thing in her family's weddings. She admitted that if I'd made wedding party members all dance, she would have asked to switch and dance with her boyfriend (now fiance).

I'm glad it all worked out.

I'm less stressed about him dancing with another woman (although I think I might trigger hard about it), but actually more stressed about me. I don't like being touched, at all, by anyone really. The thought of dancing with a guy i don't know really grosses me out.

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad that you have a good resolution to your issue.


Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52581 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad that you got a good result from your request.

Honestly, this is triggering me just a bit too. We are attending a HUGE family wedding at the end of the month and this will be the first one since DDay. With family that I haven't seen in decades in some instances. I'm terrified that I'm going to cry too damned much at the wedding. I don't have being a part of the wedding party to worry about, but I'm afraid of triggering during the reception and dancing. Mind you, I am going to look FABULIOUS, but I have this really sour stomach feeling.

Sorry for the TJ. (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If this were to happen at mine it would have been my brother dancin with my sister

Sorry, back to your thread.

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It wouldn't bother me, but that is not relevant here. This is a textbook case for boundaries and why they are so important to our own health and well-being. You didn't want to dance with a man who is not your H, you said so in a clear, but polite way and the bride-to-be honored that and found a solution. It will make the whole experience a better one for you. Good job!

Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1331 | Registered: Aug 2010
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update: I spoke with the bride, and she said it was fine for us to switch. She seemed understanding ...

I think there is an excellent lesson in here about not avoiding conflict (having a conversation) when you are uncomfortable with something.

FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4132 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
♂ Member
Member # 42216
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are NOT being unreasonable. I could appreciate your boundaries. 'High Five' to you!

Me: Older than dirt
FWW 63
DD 8/1990 She confessed to a 2 month ea/pa
Asked forgiveness but volunteered to leave. No way was I going to give her the boot

The eight most feared words used together in the English language: We need to talk. Th

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Utah
♀ Member
Member # 26326
Default  Posted: 3:39 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow I must be from a different planet too.

ME.BS 55
Him.WS 55 and a priest!
D-DAY 12/07/09
D-DAY-2 14/08/09
MARRIED 25 YEARS ON 25/08/09
TWO CHILDREN 20 and 22.

Posts: 160 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 29
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