No responses so I will attempt. I don't know much about your story.
I believe the reasons for a WS having an affair are more often not about the WSs loving the BS, but rather, about the WS carrying a pain, and the WS using the AP to reduce the pain. Like a drug abuser using drugs however, the situation becomes worse. I strongly believe there are cases where a WS still loves a BS (loves at least to the best of their abilities) and the WS is "using" the AP. Regarding a WS's meanness and anger, this is a method to justify the affair is ok. My wife was irrationally angry frequently before the marriage and daily during the affair, and displays no anger now after working on herself.
She also claimed she never stopped loving me, but also made statements like maybe she didn't know how to love, was unlovable, came from bad, and she was bad. This was very difficult to understand early in our recovery, but through my own learning, it makes sense and I now believe what she was saying was true.BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14
Recovery is building a pyramid of inference from which to climb and see clearer, and heavy usage of the reflexive loop.