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Newest Member: choosehappy86 (44287)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Interesting article
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:27 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

http://momlifetoday.com/2014/03/i-rented-a-car-to-protect-my-marriage/

I have friends who follow this practice.

Makes me wonder if this is a way to stay off the slippery slope?


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4853 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
stronger08
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Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:42 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems like a very extreme method to be. But whatever works for you I guess. In reading the article I kind of got the sense that the writer and the subjects simply did not have enough confidence in themselves to simply follow a monogamous lifestyle. Lets face facts here, people need to interact with one another. Be it same sex or opposite sex interaction. Avoiding certain situations simply for the sake of not trusting oneself stinks of self doubt to me. And IMHO I think one of the best parts of a healthy relationship is to extend trust to your partner. Granted after being cheated on I have zero tolerance for those who betray that trust. But the trust needs to be extended because what's the point of being with someone, let alone married to them if there is no trust. To me a person who behaves this way would throw up a big red flag in my face. How can you trust a person who has none in themselves ? Just my .02 cents.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5567 | Registered: Nov 2007
absolut
♀ Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought that was beautiful, it's nice to see that kind of commitment.

Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with stronger on this, but I know there are a lot of people on these boards who think this way. To each his own.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19796 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
MinorBee
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Member # 17895
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My father was a minister, and so are the couple written about in this article.

I think their decision to live within these rules is an admirable one, but not because they do or don't have trust issues between each other. People in ministry are easily available targets for unstable people and the gossip they can spread.

This rule prevents a lot of potential mind fuckery from even starting. A dangerous person doen't have to be an AP to want to mess up the life of someone who probably attempted to help them before they became a target.


Ex-Husband: diagnosed NPD: porn, hookers, swapping, swinging, EA's, PA's...if it's humanly possible he's probably done it at least once
married: 20 years, finally divorced after 5 years
DDays: which time?, OW's which one?

Posts: 457 | Registered: Jan 2008
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People in ministry are easily available targets for unstable people and the gossip they can spread.

THIS!

As I read the article I was thinking ministers and other high profile professions are ripe for people who want to hang on the coat-tails or worse.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2608 | Registered: Jan 2010
Weatherly
♀ Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People in ministry are easily available targets for unstable people and the gossip they can spread.

I think that is a big part of this. I think it is a great rule, to "avoid the appearance of evil". But, I don't think it is always necessary.

H works out of town Mon-Fri. A very small percentage of the time, he works with women. (We actually just spoke about this lol) and, I don't see a problem with him getting dinner with a co-worker.

However, I wouldn't tell other people to do this our way, or that they are doing it wrong. You do what works for you and your marriage. I don't think it shows trust issues.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 8

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4475 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
Leia
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Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A good friend of my just happens to be the minister's wife. We actually just talked about this recently....there was some sort of conference that her husband and a female colleague had to attend a couple of hours away. Her husband made the colleague drive separately to avoid any hint of scandal. This minister won't counsel a female alone, without the door open and his wife/another secretary sitting in the outside office to avoid any hint of impropriety. It is the way they choose to live as well, and I think it is a gift they give to their marriage. In their case, it isn't about trust of one another. It is more about them "walking a line" that is good/moral/Godly and the rules that they follow every time so that there couldn't be any hint of scandal. The absolute thing they don't want to do is to embroil their church in any sort of scandalous accusations. I really respect them for this choice.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
Ready_to_run
♂ Member
Member # 20954
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stronger, I don't feel like this is about not trusting yourself or each other at all. But more a selfless act to show 100% commitment to the relationship. Kudos to this couple!


BH
Divorced


Posts: 750 | Registered: Sep 2008
Topic Posts: 9

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