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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Help needed in the I can Relate forum
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bionicgal - Seems like there are more questions here (in the BS Questions for WS's thread in the I can Relate forum) than Waywards these days, but I'd like to ask one.

I understand that we (Waywards in general) have our own struggles to deal with and I also understand that we have commitments to family, friends and our communities to deal with.

But the BS's that post questions in the above-mentioned thread also have struggles and needs and one of them is getting answers to questions that they post.

The more Waywards that are answering, the better, as it will mean more and different perspectives on the questions. Your unique and individual thoughts and ideas may provide a struggling BS with answers that can provide a greater understanding of the why and how.

Right now, we seem to be hitting a dry-spell of volunteers and so, I am asking and encouraging others to take some time to visit and perhaps answer a question or two.

On behalf of the BS community, I can assure you that "paying it forward" by giving of your time and wisdom will be greatly appreciated.

HUFI



Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3279 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

God bless you, HUFI. You are awesome. Your wisdom is always much appreciated.


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 710 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
spond
♂ Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The more Waywards that are answering, the better, as it will mean more and different perspectives on the questions. Your unique and individual thoughts and ideas may provide a struggling BS with answers that can provide a greater understanding of the why and how.

And it might give insight into other waywards in general, as they read replies to the questions. Things that you might not have considered.


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 412 | Registered: Dec 2013
Prayingforhope
♂ Member
Member # 41801
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for raising this Hufi. I don't even think I know this existed (that reminds me, SI needs an owners manual...) I'll head over there later today and see what I can respond to.

Since I can't talk to my BS, I might as well help someone else!


WH 41
BS 40
D-Day Oct 28th, 2013
Together 18 years
Three amazing boys 12, 9 & 6
Praying for hope daily

Posts: 260 | Registered: Dec 2013
wheredoigo
♀ Member
Member # 42327
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still somewhat new here and still trying to find my way around. Is there a direct link to that board?


1st marriage BS to xSAWH (34)
WW-2nd marriage (me) 33 to BS(Jt8d) 35
It's important to heal yourself in a healthy way from all hurt or it will hurt you and the ones you love more than the original hurt before.

Posts: 215 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Midwest
Sparkle0504
♀ Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Hufi


Me 44 (BS) Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies
"Sounds harsh, but she's my wife and I'm supposed to be there when she's having sex" Sal1995


Posts: 219 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Hufi.

I wanted to make a small mention that as a member who has posted in there, having a former wayward who was a little farther along in their healing respond to me went a long way to helping me with new perspective.

As with all the advice we give in here, being able to temper honest responses with compassion is critical.

I'm really proud of all the former waywards here who are committed to healing and willing to stick around to help others. Thanks to all.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:04 PM, March 13th (Thursday)]


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - FranÁois-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17755 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Merida
♀ Member
Member # 42437
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE waywards share your thoughts and perspectives as I am definitely one to know I heal better when I have answers (even if I don't like the answer, at least I have it!) than I have silence and the infamous "I don't know"

As H and I work on R know you are effectively helping both of us


"The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

WH is katumus and I am not reading his posts but we talk a lot and working on listening better!

BW 45
WH 46

married 17 years
3 kids


Posts: 206 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Maryland
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wheredoigo, It's in the I Can Relate forum. The thread is "BS Questions for WSs".


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37970 | Registered: Sep 2007
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for raising awareness of this issue, Hufi.

While I have gotten quite behind in posting answers, there are also many questions that may not apply to certain WSs situations or involve questions about things some of us may not have experienced---difficulties in early R after D-day, for example in my case, among other things.

I know a lot of us like to help however we can where applicable.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Remarried. Reconciliation is a process and I still struggle.


Posts: 2221 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
knightsbff
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have peeked in there many times then tip toed out afraid Ito answer because I didn't have anything profound or wise to say. I answered a few today after seeing your post.

I promise to do better.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️


Posts: 1499 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with knightsbff - I don't believe I have anything enlightened to say. But there is also a part of me that feels the answers I might give there are the exclusive property of my own BH.They are my answers, but they belong to him. If that makes any sense.


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 407 | Registered: Dec 2013
NoGoodUsername
♂ Member
Member # 40181
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to be very careful about answering questions in there. Part of my broken behavior pre-A was tied up in being smart, wise and knowing the way in things. It made me feel important and special but I was really getting an ego boost and social position. Now, even when I feel like I have a grip on something, I am very hesitant to jump in like that.

Also, the lever of 'rights and responsibilities' has been used successfully against me for decades to make me someone else's tool. I need to tread carefully.


Me: WH
Her: BW
Dday 7/11/13
"May you be protected from hearts that are not humble, tongues that are not wise and eyes that have forgotten how to cry."

Posts: 252 | Registered: Aug 2013
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for the overwhelming response to my plea.

Yes, it is a bit intimidating to answer some of the posts. And its very understandable that you may feel that your reply is not profound enough or wise enough or enlightened enough but in fact, it doesn't have to be. If you are only a month out, then you are a month further than someone else. Sometimes wisdom doesn't come only with time, sometimes wisdom is what we do with the time we are granted.

Everyone knows that we aren't trained and experienced counselors. We're not trained and professional mental health expects with Masters and PhD's in clinical psychology.

We come as lay people, sharing our own experiences and viewpoints. It's up to the BS to determine what applies and what is meant to be left behind. All we can do is share our story. Sometimes that is enough.

I think that at times, just listening is enough. And I think that even if the only thing you can offer is a ((virtual hug)), the BS community appreciates it no less than anything else.

HUFI


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3279 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
Topic Posts: 14

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