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Newest Member: madboomer (44576)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: think I bit off more than I can chew
Gomphus
♂ Member
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another snow day. 90% of them fall on my days with the kids. Thats the breaks. EW wins again. Fortunately, for another week I can blow off work. But. i am getting a new job and I will need help on snow days. I know I will make it and figure it out, but EW has her whole family here and bfOM to bail her out whenever life gets tough. I agreed to move here and give up a promising career for the kids. Luckily, I finally got a fair job starting in a week or so that gets me back on a career path. I am grateful for that.

Unfortunately, I also need more CS and EW is not happy. We see the judge in a few weeks and I am pretty sure I will get more - enough to enable me to pay for sitters etc when this situation arises again. But at what cost? I think EW will eventually calm down but it is so frustrating that she still sees me as the guilty party. Why cant I just do what she wants, support myself and the kids 100% and leave her alone? I wish she could 'walk a mile in my shoes' and accept that her actions have consequences beyond me. That she actually caused this situation and I am just looking out for the kids. Oh well.

Plus I'm giving up chewing tobacco and still grieving my first relationship post divorce. A lot to chew on. No pun intended.

I struggle to keep my head up, be positive, and be grateful for the positives. All aspects of an overall improved quality of life made possible by D. I am thankful. But it is hard.

Thanks for letting me vent.


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't think that you're alone. I have a job opportunity and no back-up, either. I'm working on finding someone who can babysit/nanny for the summer so I can go back to work. I'm not D yet, but when STBXWW is out of my life except for kids, I expect that things will turn around. Still, getting those action plans in place is very stressful.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
Gomphus
♂ Member
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Leia. it helps to know there are others. May the Force be with you:)


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why cant I just do what she wants

Because she's selfish and immature. It's what got you in the predicatment you're in to begin with. Even if you basically co-parent with her well, it doesn't change this simple fact.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3041 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have neighbors with kids the same age? You could try pooling snow day resources/care with them, maybe alternating back and forth.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4017 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Gomphus
♂ Member
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My neighbors are all old or have infants. My friends all struggle with two working parents. I have difficulty reaching out to folks for help. I need to get a sitter who can be available with short notice. I know it takes a village I just struggle with initiating that help. I know its gender bias but i wonder if it is harder for men to do that. Especially b/c it is typically women who. i would be reaching out to.

Either way, I know a lot of people have it much worse and I only have these issues 1/2 the time, but sometimes the weight is very heavy.


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel your pain... it really is hard to reach out. I also moved because the dooosh wanted to leave our home state. And now I am here alone, trying to juggle going back to work full time with kids and schedules and with NO help from anyone - certainly not the doosh.

To complicate things even more, only one child actually sees their dad. My girls have nothing to do with him, so I am now a full time 24/7 parent.

Hang in there, and reach out for help. I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life who are willing to help when I need it -- but I have to ask for the help. They don't read minds.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3534 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are/were you close to her family? Why can't they take the kids for you too?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13648 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 8

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