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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Frank Pittman Article
toasted22
♂ Member
Member # 38954
Default  Posted: 4:49 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A while ago I found a link on SI for an article by Frank Pittman. I have his book 'Private Lies' but this was another article.

Can anyone help me with this?


Posts: 70 | Registered: Apr 2013
Neverwudaguessed
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just did a search on the web: is this it??
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/beyond-betrayal-life-after-infidelity


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
toasted22
♂ Member
Member # 38954
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks I think it could be

Posts: 70 | Registered: Apr 2013
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This part was so spot on for my H:

About the only people more dangerous than philandering men going through life with an open fly and romantic damsels going through life in perennial distress, are emotionally retarded men in love. When such men go through a difficult transition in life, they hunker down and ignore all emotions. Their brain chemistry gets depressed, but they don't know how to feel it as depression. Their loved ones try to keep from bothering them, try to keep things calm and serene and isolate them further.

An emotionally retarded man may go for a time without feeling pleasure, pain, or anything else, until a strange woman jerks him back into awareness of something intense enough for him to feel it—perhaps sexual fireworks, or the boyish heroics of rescuing her, or perhaps just fascination with her constantly changing moods and never-ending emotional crises.

With her, he can pull out of his depression briefly, but he sinks back even deeper into it when he is not with her. He is getting addicted to her, but he doesn't know that. He only feels the absence of joy and love and life with his serenely cautious wife and kids, and the awareness of life with this new woman. It doesn't work for him to leave home to be with her, as she too would grow stale and irritating if she were around full time.

What he needs is not a crazier woman to sacrifice his life for, but treatment for his depression. However, since the best home remedies for depression are sex, exercise, joy, and triumph, the dangerous damsel may be providing one or more of them in a big enough dose to make him feel a lot better. He may feel pretty good until he gets the bill, and sees how much of his life and the lives of his loved ones this treatment is costing.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Neverwudaguessed
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bionicgal; after finding this article yesterday, that is the exact part of it I copied and sent to my Husband! So sad to me that there are "profiles' which so easily can predict who is at risk for cheating that they can be generalized in an article and that these profiles are so common that they can speak to so many. It just reinforces the fact that things could have so easily been different had the Wayward gotten help BEFORE the affair. Struggling, struggling today to accept. Yet I suppose there is a slight "comfort" in knowing that my situation is not SO out of the ordinary….


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bionic - same here. Although I notice that it the affair "types" often have some overlap with one another. I KNOW my SAWH is emotionally immature. That was part of the problem all along in our marriage.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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