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User Topic: What to do once the dust settles
PhoenixAlight
♀ New Member
Member # 42604
Default  Posted: 3:04 AM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Although DDay was back on Jan 7th, I found my husbands work cell phone this evening with text messages to the OW. There were a lot of I love yous, hearts and scheduling times to meet.

I told the kids to go to their rooms and told him it was over. Took all his clothes in garbage bags and put them in his car, gave him my wedding dress and wedding ring as well. He stuck around for several hours looking morose and giving me excuses but I just told him, "I don't care anymore. It doesn't matter. We are done. I am done." I finally got him to leave.

After lots TT since DDay I pushed him to let me know anything else since it doesn't matter at this point. He revealed to me that he had not just been talking(no surprise thanx to SI.com) and has been having sex about 2 x per week since he told me about the affair. Oh, and last but not least, he has been getting massages with a happy endings before the A for the past 5 years.

I told him I will be filing on monday and that I would be transferring 50% of our money to my account so it's not a surprise. Did it as soon as he left the house tonight.

I also spoke with a close friend of his that is a manager where he works to verify what his company policy is toward dating in the work place. This was all with my WS present. No problem if it is not a manager subordinate relationship. I sent an email and BCCed my WS's manager, HR, the AP and my husband that he is having an affair.

Monday I plan to file if I can get in to see the attorney.

I am scared of what is to come but relieved to be off the fence. Glad I finally have a direction. Wondering how I am going to remain strong enough to get through the ordeal of divorce. What should I expect now? Besides the fall out from this evening what happens once the dust settles and we start traveling down the road toward D? He asked for a separation but I remained firm. What's the point? It would just drag on his affair.


Me - BS 43
WH - 36
ILYBINILWY - 01/05/2014
D-Day - 01/07/2014
PA #1 - 6 years ago (3 weeks or so w/ Intern at work)
A #2 - COW began mid-oct 2013 - says he is not speaking with her while he figures things out so still going on.
In between mult

Posts: 6 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: CA
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now it's dissolving a business. Don't let him know what the next step is; file and let the attorneys handle.

We mediated amicably, so I don't know what a D entails, my XH just wanted out. If yours does not it could get sticky, but there's so much help down in the D/S forum - you'll be ok!



Posts: 14389 | Registered: Jun 2008
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know you, but I read this and felt so proud and inspired. Keep to the path you're on. Communicate through your lawyer. Stay strong. Move in this direction as fast as you can--hopefully anger will propel you. There will be a lot of sadness but so much relief in no longer being lied to, no longer having to waste your time on someone who isn't giving you what you know you deserve.

This is really the first step to a better future for you. A long road yes, but you are worth it!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
stillhere09
♀ Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You are doing the right thing. Just keep strong. You'll be glad you did. I agree that not letting him know in advance what your moves will be is the best thing. From here on out, let your lawyer handle everything. And be prepared to be treated like the enemy. It happens, even when you think it won't. I just wanted you to know I admire your strength and your firmness in your decisions.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
PhoenixAlight
♀ New Member
Member # 42604
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Norabird thank you for the kind reply. You always have such sage advice and I truly appreciate it. Means the world during these dark times.


Me - BS 43
WH - 36
ILYBINILWY - 01/05/2014
D-Day - 01/07/2014
PA #1 - 6 years ago (3 weeks or so w/ Intern at work)
A #2 - COW began mid-oct 2013 - says he is not speaking with her while he figures things out so still going on.
In between mult

Posts: 6 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: CA
FixYou71
♀ Member
Member # 42654
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to chime in and say how sorry I am for what you've been through. You absolutely deserve to be loved and respected and he has failed you immensely. Saying a prayer for you.


BS: 43
H: 49
Dday #1 Oct 2007 (Porn for 2 yrs)
Dday #2 May 2013 (Porn for 5 more yrs))
Dday#3 May 2014 (finally admitted to drunk kissing OW in 1994: the 2nd drunken kiss with another woman during our M)
DD 21 and DS 17
Married 1993

Posts: 451 | Registered: Mar 2014
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Use your anger to continue forward, for you and for your children. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4935 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 7

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