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Newest Member: ReasonableDoubt (44577)

New Beginnings     Print Topic    
User Topic: Update to the date- men, please?
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a second date last night. He lived over an hour away, so I invited him for supper, which i shouldn't have done. We've been talking online and on the phone for a while.

I was ok with sleeping with him. However, here is the problem: he assaulted me. He choked me, and kept trying to shove his dick in my ass. I would ask him not to, and tell him that he was hurting me. He would not stop. He would wait until I fell asleep and do it again. I woke up once, and he had his entire hand inside me.

I was afraid to tell him to leave so I toughed it out until this morning.

We apparently had 2 different view of what happened because he texted me a thank you this morning. I immediately texted back that he hurt me and I didn't want to see him again. He is text bombing me as awe speak.

Guys, am I wrong? If a woman clearly expresses a boundary ( don't stick anything in my ass), would it surprise you if she got mad?

I am just stunned. This was really bad. Even with a fuck buddy, boundaries were respected.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7501 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
haysuth01
♀ Member
Member # 29161
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HOLY. SHIT.

I'm not a man and I don't have any advice, but I just wanna give you a hug.

((Williesmom))

What a bastard. I am so sorry this happened to you.


XBS
Divorced 5/07.
DS-7! What?!
Happily remarried, B/G twins (5).

Posts: 219 | Registered: Jul 2010
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is awful. I am so mad at him and upset for you.

Block his number and know that this was not your fault.

Ugh. I am truly sorry. Do not question your boundaries! Of course this was beyond wrong! He is a scumbag!

Next time if god forbid anything like this happens again please tell him to leave. Do it with a phone in your hand and say you will call the police if he does not comply.

I hope you have an IC you can see to discuss this. It will take some healing re trust since you have been violated.

That asshat, ugh!!!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4017 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You were raped, please report it to the police. I'm so sorry this happened to you. ((WM))


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I'm shocked. And yes this is rape. Report it. I'm so so so sorry this happened to you. Please report it as rape and get a restraining order if you can since this guy knows where you live.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3042 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh & he's text bombing you bc he knows it was rape & he's hoping to talk you out of doing anything about it.

I can't hug you enough right now.
(((((((Williesmom))))))))


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3042 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, all. Just one more embarrassing incident in my life.

I can't stop crying. My bff(who is a guy) emailed me this morning because he knew that this guy was coming.

I told him briefly what happened. He reached out, but I can't even talk about it.

I am losing hope here.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7501 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please find someone to talk to about it--BFF sounds like a great option. This is NOT your fault, you don't need to be embarrassed! You did nothing wrong honey.

I'm sorry


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4017 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will talk to BFF about it. We talk about everything.

Just not today.

I got a hot bath, put on my sweats, and I'm just going to stay home and cry. I'm just numb.

[This message edited by Williesmom at 12:14 PM, March 15th (Saturday)]


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7501 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. Reading this made me cry. I'm sorry this happened to you.


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

D-Day was April 2012. Divorced Jul 2013. Moved ~1000 miles away (as the crow flies) Jul 2014.


Posts: 787 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Pacific Northwest
crazynot
♀ Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Police, yes. And your IC. You did nothing to make this happen. He is a bad person... xxx


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 851 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
foxglove
♀ Member
Member # 21791
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((WM)))

I'm so sorry. I know you're in shock right now, but I also think you should speak to the police. This is not just a matter of disrespecting your boundaries, you were assaulted by this man.


Me (BS)47
XH (WS)53
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two sons 21 and 23 in college

Posts: 1451 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hugs)))

Call the police.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51802 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a man, all I can say is that this is not normal behavior. No means no regardless of the subject matter. He should not have done any of what he did without your consent.

Report this guy so he can be stopped from doing it again.

I am sorry this happened to you.

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9175 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG!!!! ((((((WM))))) OMG.

Please call the police. Please take yourself to the ER to get swabbed. I'm sure you aren't the first person, or the last…that he did this to.

I had a boyfriend in college that thought it was OK to do stuff to me when I was asleep, even after I repeatedly asked him not to. I wish I had been strong enough then to call it rape.


I'm so sorry. You did nothing wrong, even if you tell them you willingly wanted sex…he still raped you.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4099 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Call BFF and have him help you.

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9175 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that you should report this guy.

No means no.

What he did to you was wrong, and illegal.

I'm so sorry...

(((Hugs)))


Posts: 6533 | Registered: Dec 2010
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please consider calling the police. And, to cmego's point, ER's often have a nurse available who is trained to work with victims and collect the appropriate evidence. Alternatively, I just PM'd you a link that can help you locate a Rape Crisis Center for support.

((Williesmom))


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4436 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jeezus WM, I'm speechless. Who does this?

Report him and get a restraining order right away.

((((((((((WM))))))))))))


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17280 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a sexual assault. Please call the police.

Posts: 1642 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
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